Get ready for a self-centered, self-destructive soapbox: I don't understand why I'm so fucked up. One minute I'm happy but the next I'm miserable for five days straight. I think I'm stupid, ugly, awkward, annoying. I'm full of shit, egotistical and selfish. I also push away anybody who cares for me. I burned all my bridges and now I have no friends. It's not that I'm a jerk. I can be too nice. It's that I can't open myself up to people. I sit in my apartment all day by myself. Even when the only friend I have left calls me, I don't answer. I'm socially awkward and have a hard time with big groups. I'm also extremely bitter and cynical. Girls have called me cute but I hate myself and can't muster up the balls to say hello. I think I'm delusional. Lately I've been drinking myself to sleep because I like going numb. I get these intense feelings. For example, I'll be driving and see a dirty gutter and just want to lay there for the rest of my life. I cross a bridge one my way to school everyday and everyday I think about jumping in that river. People say I'm smart, but I'm an idiot. I get straight A's but I think they're meaningless. My future is nothing. I waste every single moment I live. I don't know why I'm writing this, probably because I crave the attention that I reject in real life. Maybe I'm just venting. Does anybody else feel the same? I feel like I'm not even a person. Does anybody know how I can stop my lonely path of self-destruction?
I did smoke with friends but I haven't smoked in a long time. They would act really weird when I expressed that I wanted to smoke alone.
I feel you on this.. Especially the booze part, I've been drinkin basically daily for like 2 weeks.. Also, been smoking more. When I'm sober I think too much about problems that I can't find solutions for. Seems like shit just gets worse, I just wanna lay down and quit most of the time, but instead I drink or get high, dunno what I'd do if I didn't have those. But hey, at least you're in school. Maybe you think it's meaningless but the world thinks it's really good, so hey, not so bad.
one piece of advice is to stop drinking yourself to sleep all the time or else you'll become dependent and it's some of the worst withdrawals ever. also, face your fears. face your anxieties. if you keep secluding yourself and drinking it obviously gets worse.
Ok. You're your own worst critic. You need to realize that hey you're you. This is the life God has given you and it's the only life on earth you'll know. That being said do you really want to go through life with a "half empty" mentality, short changing yourself and exchanging benifits for loss until you pass? Here any sane person would say, "of course not". So excactly that bud, you said yourself your not unattractive and people notice you. Bingo, right there. You're being a defeatist. Give yourself a chance, trust in yourself. Your straight A's believe it or not do count for something, stop selling yourself short. You sound like a person who isn't comfortable in his own skin. Buddy that suits permanent. Recognize what you have, and be what you can be and then gain some courage and try and be even more. it sounds cliche but that's essentially it. You attract what you project. Drinking isn't the answer, I know it seems like a easy cop out to dumb and numb thoughts and feelings. But you're just further abusing your body/mind/spirit and getting farther away from your goal. What makes you happy clearly isn't what you've been doing recently so why not take that leap of confidence and try something new. Well..ust my 2cents.
Man the fuck up! Jk, you need to confront your problem....your number one problem fear itself let it go man, be free unlike a caged alpaca you have the land to roam.express yourself....who are you what do you love to do? Find a woman who enjoys the things you do, eat healthy exercise. Do something spontaneous....skydive man just don't forget to pull that chord.....and take it easy onthe ganj definitely thebooze, you'll end up like my uncle rick...smelly son of a bitch.
kind of remind me of myself a little.. I think maybe ur jus scared of life an thats ok lots of people are but life isnt meant to be scary your holding urself back cuz ur a little to scared of what seems like EVERYTHING an u put urself down way to much..when people compliment u dont give urself less then that.. obviously they see in u what u dont see in u..try looking threw there eyes cuz if theyre telling u good things then that must mean its true.. whatever u think or feel about urself is a lie because of whatever reasons u deal with inside,just let go an live you'll be happy u did btw I'm here if u ever wanna talk/vent feel free to msg me =3
uh... well clearly god isnt going to change anything for the better so yeah im a communist because i believe in a world where everyone is prosperous not just the select few who exploit people for profit. its ok i understand you dont know shit about communism. neither did i until i learned. also if you think jesus would support capitalism i have to laugh at you.
You know, I actually always thought the opposite. If someone's telling you something good it means they're lying lol. Maybe that's what's wrong with me lol. I always figure people are just being nice. And how would you know?