What would you do?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Tha Professor, May 26, 2010.

  1. #1 Tha Professor, May 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2010
    Lets play make-believe.

    Imagine, your in a relationship with a wonderful partner.

    They're loyal, appreciative, funny, intelligent; just an overall great person.

    Now after nearly four years of dating this person, they gradually change into a completely new person. They no longer care about you in general, and just mainly focus on themselves. The catch? They're aware that they're treating you like shit, they just can't help it. They claim that they're in a phase where the just can't care about you, yet they want you to sit idly by and just wait for this little phase to pass.

    A month later, and things have only only gotten worse. You've tried to establish some connection between the both of you multiple times, but they refuse to talk to you about their issues. Basically, they're downright refusing to make things better in the relationship.

    What do you do?

    Edit: Thanks for the responses guys, they helped more then you understand. Now I'll throw in a random variable. Let's say for whatever reason you had an affair about a year ago prior to this. You were attending a social gathering, where drinking (and quite a lot of it) was involved. You reacquainted with an old friend from high-school, and in a drunken frenzy engaged in intercourse. You we're honest with your partner and confessed your crimes, and somehow made things better again between the two of you. A single year has passed without a hitch, but how differently would this influence your actions?
  2. #2 pagliaccio, May 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2010
    Get pissed and take all the shit that they told me and throw it back,and make them take it to the heart. The only reason for this is to see if they don't care 'bout you or that they realize that they love that they will comeback to you. I hope this makes sense.

    After that if she does decide to comeback. Just sock her really good in the jaw.
  3. 4 years is a very long time for two people.

    What I would do;

    Well she's not trying at all, but if I loved her I would try to make it work.
    If she kept her same ways I'd eventually submit to defeat and accept the inevitable.

    Plain and simple. Or quit now and save myself from the trouble.

    One of the two.
  4. sounds like they want out....I guess I would give them what they want.
  5. Good.

    Keep it going, guys.

    I'm curious as to how you all would have handled the situation.

    I'll let a few more replies come before I post what I would do.
  6. You'd have to end the relationship. If she truly was going to make a complete 180, then she'd make it happen at once she realizes she is going to lose everything. If she doesn't, you're already one step closer to getting over it.
  7. Sounds very familiar but with switched roles.
  8. i wouldn't flat out end the relationship just after a month or so of detached selfishness... but I would confront her and see what the deal is.

    You have every right in a relationship to have it be an equal partnership... no one person should be the selfish one...

    I'd confront her and say that its HER lack of effort which jeopardizing the relationship... and if she really cared about staying with you that she needed to make just as much effort as you are...

    and if shes still unwilling to put in effort then break it off... if not permanently then take a break.... If she really cares about you then she'll come back....

    and if she doesn't.... then you're better off trying to find someone who'll share in an equal relationship

    or you could always go the passive aggressive way and treat her as shitty as she's treating you.... and when she complains go "I'm not in a place right now where I can care about you... If you can do it so can I"
  9. #9 Tha Professor, May 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2010
    Keep in mind that if we're going to follow the rules of the story, then you've done this multiple times. She's addressed that she's fully aware that she's the problem, she just can't do anything about it because she's going through a "phase."

  10. What caused this phase? I mean, obviously she wasn't like this in the past.
    There has to be a reason for her actions, right?

  11. Their justifications vary from: "I need to figure out who I am", and "You've hurt me in the past" (and I mean waaaay into the past), and "I don't know why, I just want to."
  12. If I knew something terrible happened recently in his life, like the death of a parent, I would stick around a bit longer hoping he'd be able to work through his issues. But if there was no conceivable reason for his actions I'd be outta there so fast.

    In this case, I'd be out
  13. #13 jamesh, May 26, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2010

    The last two sound like "excuses" if anything.
    If she's trying to figure herself out and treating you like she is, it sounds like the person she wants to be/is trying to find doesn't seem to want to include you in the near future.

    I would leave, but I'm actually more interested in what you are going to/would do.

  14. Just a quick bump.
  15. brotha, you must let go of people who change for the worse. No time to try to fix the dumb ya know? :smoke:
  16. Honestly, it wouldn't change a damn thing.

    A full year later? Really? No doubt my actions were wrong, but if he was willing to stay with me, he should be working through forgiving me. Not bottling emotions up then springing them up a year later to manipulate me or excuse his behavior. I mean, shit, this crap could go on forever. Ten years down the line we could be married and he'll spring it on me again.

    We all make mistakes, and even if we don't forgive others for their mistakes, it's unhealthy to not forgive ourselves. Him acting this way would bring me back to the point of guilt and anger which I've (hopefully) forgiven myself for in the past year.

    If he couldn't forgive me, he shouldn't have stayed with me.
  17. My new e-girlfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
  18. I would let the phase pass by...
  19. Ey baby:ey::love:
  20. Get a room!


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