Here's the situation guys. I moved away from the city I grew up in when I was 20. I knew if I stayed there I'd go nowhere fast. In the past 4 years I have completely changed my life style, bought a nice 4 bedroom 4 bathroom house, bought a vehicle, etc. pretty much I've grown up. Anyways, I was talking to one of my friends from back home a few weeks ago and he wasn't doing well. He was depressed and needed a change. So being the great friend I Ã m, I booked him a flight out here. I told him he can live with me for free for as long as he wants as long as he puts in the effort to better his life. He had $11000 saved up when he came out. I told him he could live here for free so he can save his money to start bettering his life. Well since being here (about two weeks)he has spent all of his money partying. I have sat him down many times telling him he needs to get his shit together, that I brought him out here to grow up and better himself. But he doesn't listen. I applied to about 20 jobs for him, sent emails, made phone calls. Got 5 jobs for him and every single one he slept in for. The only time he made it to work was when I woke up at 5am to drag him out of bed and drive him there. It's honestly like I'm a baby sitter. What would you guys do? I've worked so hard and made a lot of changes to be where I am. I really don't want him here living off my kindness/turning my house into a party house if he isn't going to change.
you tried to help...a boot to the curb and a wish for the best of luck is all you owe him now (he's a parasite and you are the current host...you can't help everyone , but you at least tried)
Where you went wrong was give someone that opportunity that dont want to grow up, it sounds like he has his life planned out and you just offered to carry him. He saw your offer of free rent as an open door to bum around without responsibility, dude, you tried to help him but people need to help themselves before anybody else's efforts work. Time to tell him to move on.
Thanks guys, I think you guys are right. I hadn't seen him in 3 years and thought he was serious when we talked over the phone about him wanting to change.
You're a hustler. From your post I can see that when you want something you make it happen. This is my suggestion, drop that friend because friends like that will only drag you down with them.... if you let them.
If you don't want to literally kick him out. Buy a bus ticket back to wherever he came from and tell him he can go home or sleep on the streets but not here anymore.
Maybe he just does not want to do anything... maybe he is naturally lazy. If it is.. so it does not matter how much a good friend to advise. Unfortunately. No one can change the basic nature. Not even the man himself.
maybe have one last long ass sit down face to face, man to man talk with him about your reasons why your brought him out there, what you expected of him and the situation when he got there, and why you feel you're being taken advantage of now. lay everything out for him and don't dance around your feelings either, be honest and tell him what you expect from him while hes living there rent free. and if he really doesn't get it or want to change after that then drop him.. i wouldn't give up on him as fast as these guys are saying people take time to change and fuck up in the process but don't stick around for too long. but i did just re read before i posted and you did say you have sat down with him many times and nothings different, maybe it is just time to give up on the guy, kinda sounds like you should but its your call.
I agree nesw. But I have done that many times. I woke him up an hour ago (he would sleep until 7pm if I let him) and told him I'm giving him one last chance to get a job and hold it. I said that I have done all I can, I will give him one more chance. That it was up to him now. Told him I hope he succeeds and figures it out. I said it's not hard to wake up and go to a job, every other human does it. Thanks for the advice guys I hope he gets it this time.
i'd kick him out. you can't make someone want to have a "better" life. this guy clearly has no ambitions or goals if he's just sleeping in for job interviews/wasting bill money on partying. you tried to help him, but you can only help people so much, shouldve told him he could live for free, but he had to get a job in certain amount of time.
listen man i'm not sure what to tell you but from what you wrote you seem like a really great guy. I truly hope more good is coming your way. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
You're a really cool dude for doing that but you shouldn't let people take advantage of your kindness, you should start charging him rent, if he refuses to pay or can't then buy him a ticket back home. You already tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked. Good luck OP
I would get him a ticket back home and tell him it's been real and it's been fun but it hasn't been real fun! With that being said, I think maybe your heart was in the right place and your intentions all good, but it kind of sounds like you wanted to create a clone of yourself! You offered help, but only on your terms. What you think is a good life may not look so appealing to others. It sounds as if you are judging your self worth by material possessions. As some may view material possessions and the quest to consume more, as a wall that keeps us from true happiness. I'm not trying to bring you down, but if someone is your friend and you want to help, offer to help them on their wants, needs and goals and if you can't do that then don't offer. Above all else you should wait to be asked for help. It is up to the individual to decide when enough is enough, to do otherwise is to infringe upon that individuals right to pursue any life he chooses as long as he brings no harm to others. It is good to be happy and the best way to feel that is by helping others, after all, that is our human nature. You sound like a good soul and the world can stand that! But when helping others you must first take yourself out of the equation. Then it is truly a gift of love from the heart! Peace!