What was your best fart?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by cigarjack, Sep 15, 2019.

  1. Recovering from intestinal flu, was very gassy, but all farts were sharts. Had to hold it for almost 2 hours on way back from a concert. By the time I got to my toilet I was BLOATED. When I finally let it rip, the sheer quantity of gas was impressive. Wish I could have recorded it. Probably a state record .
     
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  2. My farts after I've eaten Arby's are usually pretty, um, "juicy." I'll never be half as much of a fart savant as my dad, though. He knows how to make a real show out of it.

    The worst is when you're in a car with someone, they fart silently, and you don't realize what's happened until the noxious fumes are already suffocating you...
     
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  3. Oddly sexy perro! I would smell your Arby farts anyday!
     
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  4. One time i was doing dead lifts, and farted. My buddy who was benching and mid bench nearly died from laughing and dropping the weight unable to lift it laughing.
     
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  5. This is a very strange thread. What kind of fart would be considered best? This one time I put too much confidence into a fart.... I was at work. Is that what you were looking for?
     
  6. The best fart is when its released and you feel like your whole body feels light as a like a feather and is finally at peace Where is my IBS and IBD gang!!!! They know!!!


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  7. LMFAO! I love that term "Cropdusting" I am going to have to add that one to my roster of words to use for farting.
     
  8. Had an intussusception when I was a baby, grew up with stomach issues, diagnosed with IBS when I was about 20. I swear I have my best fart almost daily, I rip ass to a next level sometimes.
     
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  9. Not my best fart, but one time my uncle did a blue angel and just about burnt the house down
     
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  10. Food poisoning.
    The wife made this lemon/milk/chicken dish (Jamie Oliver...look it up, it's great) but accidentally put too much lemon in it...which made it quite bitter and very acidic.
    We had a friend over for this...he didn't eat it, neither did she...I dunno, I TRIED to eat it, got through about one serving.
    We then went to a kebab shop. Not a great one. The kind that almost always gives you a small stomach upset...you know, just oily, poor quality etc.

    I think what happened was...the extra lemon/acid in my stomach broke this shitty, poor quality kebab down even faster than usual...I think the usual "stomach being a bit funny" after one of those kebabs, became full blown fuck-off food poisoning...because they were fine...I was definitely not.

    Bed ridden and barely able to get up for two days, straight up unconsciousness...mad fever. Headache. ACHING muscles everywhere...could just not keep my eyes open...my kidneys felt like they'd been stabbed.
    Eventually, as a last ditch before saying "Ok, I need to go to hospital", I asked her to get me some cranberry juice to at least kind of help the kidneys.
    It did.
    The pain kind of bled away maybe 10 minutes after a glass. Great stuff, cranberry juice.
    I pissed the biggest, most disgusting smelling toxic coloured piss...and then I started feeling better.
    The next day I was fine.

    Oh, the fart? That happened during.
    Now, I don't know when...I was on and off asleep for however long...but at one point the stomach was KILLING me, felt super bloated, nauseous and everything.
    Dragged myself to the toilet.
    My body just relaxed and then let out a slow fart that kind of sounded like a loud bubbling/gurgling sound for literally about 25-30 seconds...so much gas...and it stunk...so much so that it took my nausea to another level.
    About 10 seconds later...felt like something dropped inside my stomach and I just started shitting. Straight up liquid foulness. Poison shit.
    Between the nausea, the smell of the fart and liquid hell that was the kebab shit...I also started throwing up.
    Thankfully it was a tiny bathroom and I could simply lean forward to the hand basin...and for the next 15 minutes, I was intermittently throwing up and shitting in a bathroom room that smelled worse than a public lavatory after a sporting event and 20+ people.
    Both ends.
    Wooof.

    But yeah, the fart was fucking epic...but what an encore.
     
  11. I rarely fart because I eat really healthy mostly vegetables, grains, and fruits. My wife and I have an agreement that when she’s on her monthly we gorge ( next best thing to sex ). She was craving Mexican food so, we shared 2 different dishes plus brought food home from a local place.
    Our symptoms were so bad that we openly talked about how we were feeling, which is rare. I think a normal American could of handled this food no problem but not us.
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  12. Can only remember this one power fart I had.

    I let one RIP on the toilet. Guts just started instantly cramping up, but I swear I lost an inch or two on my waist line.
     
  13. Strange.
    It's usually when I eat larger quantities of vegetables and whole foods that I get more gas.
    Must just be digestive system reaction to change.
     
  14. The one that comes after killing some Ben and Jerry’s
     
  15. In the mid 70's my friend had a Triumph GT6+ that was his pride and joy. It was a cramped, uncomfortable sports car but we were young and didn't care. On our way out to hit the bars he usually ran it thru the car wash. Don't remember what I had to eat but it was fighting to get out. Just as we entered the car wash I released the methane bomb knowing that we couldn't roll the windows down until we exited out the other side. He was yelling and coughing at the same time. 45 years later he still brings up the story.
     
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  16. Its true.

    Ladies dont fart...

    lol

    j
     
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  17. You, sir, have some most excellent fart stories.

    They all seem to involve cars...

    j
     
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  18. 3 farts that stand out
    1- 8th grade, reading hour/quite time, ripped the loudest fart and then succesfully blamed it on the kid next to me. He probably still hates me for it.
    2 and 3 are truck farts with windows closed and locked resulting in the passenger puking.

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  19. I'm just gonna level with y'all. Any fart I remember to this day turned out to be more than a fart. And that's all I have to say about that.
     
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  20. I worked in a lab after college, we tested germination rates of different seeds. We had these big germinators, looked like big fridges but with lots of light, water, etc. Every so often some of the seeds we'd germinate would get rotten and be a little stinky. One day I'm pulling samples out of one of the germinators and I knew the Budweiser and frozen pizza consumed the night before was about the make an exit. Look around, see no one is in the room with me so I relive myself of the gas. Few seconds later a coworker comes into the room to grab something, immediately stops what shes doing and says "Oh god those must be some rotten seeds it smells disgusting in here." Took every inch of strength in me to keep a straight face and reply "Ya somethings definitely rotten in here."
     
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