what the fuck do I title this...

Discussion in 'General' started by gnomeherbs, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Okay so I'm pretty hungover right now so I'm going to try and make this brief, which is probably impossible.

    About a year ago I came to live with my Grandparents in Nor. California and finished up my last year of high school. I graduated and everything, made a few friends.. not many.. and all that jazz. I moved here because in Portland my mom was having financial problems.

    My mom was raised in Woodstock, NY in the 70s and moved to San Diego when she was 10 or 11. She has this idea that everyone was artistic and wild and free (ie. hippies). I guess she felt like a kid was stifling her freedom because she kind of gave up on her responsiblities as a parent a long time ago. I feel like I've never really had parents.

    My dad wasn't really in the picture. He lived in San Diego for most of my life. I saw him sometimes. Visited his family almost every summer. Now I'm living with his family.

    Anyway, I want to move back to Portland but I'm getting an opinion from everyone. At least there's stability here, a roof over my head. But I feel like I have no creative freedom, I feel like I'm being pushed into a world I don't want to be in... I miss Portland so much.

    If I stay I stifle myself but I make the family I've felt the closest with happy. If I leave I have a chance of failure, no financial stability and I make the family I've felt closest with unhappy but I get to have creative freedom.

    I'm living in a town that is mostly republicans, hicks and tweakers. There's probably five black people in town. Mostly white, some Mexicans. Portland's slogan isn't "Keep Portland Weird" for nothin' ANYONE can go to Portland and "fit in" with some group of people. Seriously.
  2. Lol I'm not reading a novel bro
  3. So why fucking comment? :confused:

    Dude you need to do whatever will make you happiest. If you'll feel better being creative and taking a chance, go for it. I'm sure your family that you're close to will understand, and hopefully be there for you if things don't go too well. Best of luck :)

    And just wondering, what sort of thing do you do that you need to be creative?
  4. I think the cons out weigh the pros man.

    Just stick around and hang in there for now. Make some money and then go, you have plenty of time.:smoke:
  5. If you don't feel like your financially stable then get a job work yo ass off save like crazy and prepare yourself to live on your own just incase you need plan b's, c's, d's, dd's. Or better yet apply for school or a job in portland and let your family know so there's a reason instead of "omgee this place is restricting my freedom, thanks for the say fam i'mma move outta here c-ya". Weigh the options thoroughly.
  6. Always follow you heart...it's gonna let you down one day anyways

  7. I feel sorry for you, honestly. You must not read anything because that was hardly a novel. But you probably still would have commented with something irrelevant if you had read it. So it's all good :)
  8. Ugh! Anything and everything. I thrive on creativity.
    I can make websites, I dabble in photoshop, I'm pretty good at most things creative. I definitely don't think I'm the most talented but I have a lot of talent. I really want to get back up on stage and perform though. I used to do theatre but now I really just want to sing. The Indie music scene is huge in Portland and I can't play an instrument so I need to find a band. It's no use trying to find a band in this podunk town.
  9. dude portland is gnar. but your right, hella hicks ,and tweaks

    correct me if im wrong but it seems like there is very limited oppurtunties in Portland. nor cal cant be that bad man. hang in there.

    but only YOU know the right decision.
  10. Yeah.
    I don't know. I'm at a point in my life where I really want to find myself and I feel like settling in this town won't help me and I will eventually end up getting stuck here.
  11. hardly a novel brah, took me less than a minute to read the OP
  12. I hear ya.
    I just feel so judged here. Like everyone has to put in their two cents about my situation. What I really need for them is to back off and let me make mistakes. I think honestly that is what I want. I want to be able to show them that just because I fall doesn't mean I can't pick myself back up and take care of what needs to be taken care of. They see me as this child who never got taught responsibility but just because I never had any chores, never had to clean my room and could have gone anywhere I wanted at any time - total freedom - doesn't mean I have never had to be responsible. I didn't start smoking pot until after I turned 18, until after I moved to this town. I hadn't gone to a real party until after I moved out here. When I lived with my mom I hardly ever went out and even now.. I don't get fucked up at parties, I hardly ever smoke, and when I lived with my mom I was constantly worrying about money making me very savy and smart when it comes to my finances. I think about my purchases. I get what I need first. I'm very smart and very independent and no one sees this.
  13. Limited opportunities in Portland?
    Psssht! Not even :)

    Norcal weather sucks. The people suck (for the most part). I'm used to rain and democrats. I can get along with just about anyone and a person's political status does not define my relationship with them .. I mean I wouldn't say I'm either one - democrat or republican - but anyways I'm not getting into that haha

    I feel like I have a better chance at success in Portland. Most of my family thinks I have a better chance at failure in Portland.

    Lately I've been thinking a lot about, what is the point of life, we're just going to die anyway.. why do we live. And I hate thinking like this. I'm so scared and lost..
  14. I have a couple people that have told me they have a job or a place for me to stay when I move back to Portland.

    I think for now I will stay in this town I'm in, with my family. I will look for a job and start saving money. I'll stay here through the fall but I think I'm going to move back to Portland and go to the local community college in the winter. I think that term starts in December. I've already been approved for financial aid I just never got around to fully enrolling in a college (I didn't know where I wanted to stay). But this sounds like a good plan to me. I kind of get the best of both worlds. I can always come back and visit and that time should fly.

    Although, I don't know if I can get a job. I'm going to be gone probably the entire month of September and leave in November if I'm going to start school in December. So I have this month to work, although I don't want to ask for an entire month off, and the entire month of October to work.

    I don't think this plan works out well.. maybe I'll start school later then, give myself more time to save. Maybe I'll start in the spring instead. I don't know.

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