what should I tell my son?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Crystal74, May 19, 2010.

  1. My son is 14 will be 15 in September. He is not your typical 14 year-old standing at 6 foot 2 and weighing 240 pounds. I started smoking again in the past two years and have hid it from him for the most part. I do not keep my pipes or weed anyplace in the open. I step outside to smoke and even at that I try not to do it when he is around.

    Yet kids being what they are he has picked up on it. At first he was very against it.. threatening me with flushing, if he ever found my stash. I have always been very open with him and told him exactly how I feel about weed. Personally I prefer it to drinking and really use it on a regular basis to relax and de-stress.

    So this past year alot of his friends have started smoking. He has yet to smoke but was asking me all sorts of questions. He has been offered weed since he was in 7th grade. Now at the end of his freshmen year he is getting curious. Many of his friends smoke and do not pressure him, he has noticed they seem pretty 'normal' while high and just sort of relaxed and kicked back.

    So yesterday he flat out asks me what I would do if he does try it.. The mom in me wants to yell "NO way kid" but really, I'm doing it and it is illegal.. so how can I justify saying 'no you cant'? I did tell him I think its like smoking or drinking and he should wait un till he is of age. But really, I know I didn't wait and 99% of everyone I know that smokes did not wait 'till they were 18 or 21. I know as a mother that he will try drinking, he will try smoking, and he will have sex at some point in his life.

    My father was the same way he never told me 'no' because he did it and tho he was very open about it... had it laying around the house an stuff I never really thought it was a huge deal.

    I think my main issue is that I do not want him being around "that element" Like going to buy from people and perhaps not knowing them. I buy from a family friend of 12 years and only buy from him. If he is out I just wait. I don't want him getting into trouble with the law or caught carrying it... things like that..
    I also worry about his first time. I don't want him to have a bad experience or be in a situation that he would not feel safe.

    Do any of you have any thoughts on how to Handel this? I know he will do it when he is ready. Part of me wants to smoke him up for the first time... just so I can be there and if he starts to panic help him thru it. But, I also know, that its not really the proper thing for a mother to do.

    Sorry its so long guys
  2. Just tell him if he ever want's to smoke to come to you.
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  3. If he is going to do it anyway (which he will), I would smoke him out at home a couple times. Better he do it with safe product and in a safe place than doing it under the bleachers at school or some shit.

    Be sure to read up on everything related to how weed effects body and brain development in young people. If he is going to smoke before his body stops developing, he shouldn't do it very much at all.

    I have really admired the way that my brother has raised his son. All through my nephew's pre-teen years, my brother (a daily smoker) taught him all about cannabis and made sure that my nephew knew if he wanted to do it bad enough, they could do it at home together.

    My brother smoked him out on his 14th birthday, and a couple more times in the following months. My nephew doesn't smoke, because he understands his body is still developing (his 5 foot father and his 6'5" uncles convinced him of that). He does not smoke outside of the house, and even then only does it a couple times a year.

    The truth is definitely the best way to go. Take the mystery away and the child is much less likely to abuse it.
  4. well, if you do let him, and his friends do find out, you'll be the coolest mom on the block. ask him if he wants to smoke up with you before dinner, do this twice. because from experience, my second high was my highest moment ever. also, tell him if he ever needs weed, say he can get it from you for completing chores around the house (just an idea).

    also, i have smoked with a couple of my friends moms. i'm still young, 18. smoking with friend's moms brought us more together, so they're like my aunt, not like my friend's mom. maybe if you smoke with your son occasionally, he will open up to you more, and you two will become closer.
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  5. Lmao, my mom used to do that.
  6. Well... I'd treat it as my parents treated alcohol. They allowed me to try small amounts from a reasonably young age while under their supervision, as soon as I started taking an interest and them realising that I was gonna be drinking with my friends soon anyway. By doing so when I was around people my age drinking (at parties etc.) I knew how to handle my shit more, no puking, no doing stupid, understanding how much was a sensible amount to drink. I think it stood me in a good stead to respect not only alcohol but substance use as a whole.

    Education is probably the key thing. Make sure he understands everything about the drug, both the positive and negative effects associated. The illegality, possible harms during growth and mental development and how to ensure these don't become issues if he did decide to smoke. Possibly check out The Union together, probably the best marijuana documentary out there. Once he's armed with all the proper facts and not government propaganda he'll be able to make a much more informed decision. If he still wanted to do it at this point I would offer to smoke him out.
  7. I think its great you came here to post about this. When I was 12 I found my dads bowl and completely flipped out. I tryed to play it off but i ended up telling my older brother "dad smokes pot" he already knew and didnt really care but I was really concerned. I didnt talk to my dad for a few days until my brother told my parents that I knew.

    When he talked to me I completely didnt see his point of you, I was in DARE at the time and all i knew was that all drugs are very very bad and youll go to jail if you do them. I told my dad I didnt like him doing it because he could die(lol) or hurt my bro, mom, or me while he was high(not that he ever did i was just really emotional over this whole thing). After a few days I calmed down, my brother showed me some actual research on marijuana and I changed my opinion on it but still didnt want to do it.

    ....kinda got off topic but What my Dad told me about weed was that he uses it to relieve stress and help him with pain from working. He said that I should wait until I was older to do it (not that I wanted to do it, i still hated weed at this point) and if I ever had any questions it to ask him about it.

    I really wish he talked more to me about it, I hate to sound like a douche but that event traumatized me some, I mean not in being opposed to drugs or anything(obviously) but that My parents werent honest with me. They told me they only smoked once a month but I knew that they smoked every day. I know that might sound a little ridiculous to some of you but I was 12 thought weed was on the same level with crack and heroin.

    And that was really that, I wish he was more open with me about it. Just be honest with your son. Make sure he understands that you cant overdose from weed. I dont think you should offer him weed for chores, but once he starts buying his own weed you should just let him buy off of you.
  8. IMO, as soon as a child is open enough to question your marijuana usage you should be entirely open and explain your reasons for using it as well as providing a safe environment for your kid to smoke it. if they choose. And to be honest, I don't see why it wouldn't be the proper thing for a mother to do. It is one of the most natural, healing plants that can be found on Earth.
  9. incentives... my mom always told me i dont really care what you do, but as long as you stay out of trouble and your do good in school, you can have pretty much control of your life..

    my mom also smoked didnt really hide it and i also was upset when i found it, then within that year i realize like your son all these kids smoke weed and their normal.. i had straight A friends that told me they smoked..

    i never had pressure from friends to try it, and i finally tried it my xmas break of sophomore year(i think i forget :rolleyes:)

    now i dont let my mom buy from anyone else, i just give her bud when she wants it.. she doesnt have to risk getting caught or anything... but im also 20 and your son is 14-15 so...

    but i feel like if hes gonna smoke it mine as well be with an adult and in the safety of a household in a stress free situation.. i rather my kid blaze in his room all night, then be driving around at the park with friends possibly getting busted, because hes scared to get in trouble at the house.....

  10. ok ....
    I disagree just a tiny bit....."as soon as a child is open enough to question....." that would be the only part I disagree with....
    here is why....

    when my daughter was 5 years old she came to me and asked " whats in the cookie box? Are you and momma doing drugs?"

    Smart enough to figure out what was going on....
    open enough to come and ask....

    But still just 5 years old......not ready for the "whole" story and definitely not ready to start smoking....

    What I told her that day was simple ......" Your mom and I are not and would not do anything that would hurt you kids or ourselves.....Ask me again when you are a little older and I will tell you more."

    She was completely satisfied with that answer...
    and about once a year she would come and ask me again.
    by the time she was 8 she knew the whole story
    By the time she was 10 she was asking about trying it...
    On her 13th birthday I rolled one up and took her for a walk around the block.

    kids are smart! well most of them anyway
    they know what you are up to!
    They always do what you do, not what you say.
    keep all that in mind and make a decision that works for you....if you want to fire him up- i say go for it!
  11. have him read this post. and tell him if he decieds to try smoking to do it with friends NOT his mom no offence i just dont think parents should drink smoke or do any drug wit their kids. and set him up with a safe smoking envornment. but these are just my suggestions. but please keep me filled in because my friends mom is going threw the same thing. i hope this helped.
  12. let him smoke with u teach him its always good to have a teacher im glad when i started i had alotta older more experienced smokersi learned the tricks early makes life better
  13. i'd smoke him up, but i dont think i would want my children blazing before at least age 17
  14. When I have kids, I'll tell them, if you want to get high, get high with me.
  15. Tell him you'll be okay with him smoking when he's a junior in high school. Smoke with him his first couple times and tell him he can always get his bud through you. Its the safest way, just teach him safe smoking habits and such.
  16. My dad and I were in a similar situation, what ended up happening was I only bought through him if I had money, and if I had no money I'd do chores for weed. You gotta stress to your kid to be reponsible about the herb though, tell him not to let it control him and all that good stuff.
  17. Roll a j and smoke it in the living room or somewhere obvious, when he comes in give him the offer....if he turns it down hes obviously not interested
    you can teach him everything, and who better to learn from than your own mum?
  18. Thank you, all for your ideas and responses. I'm not sure if he is ready to smoke with his mom... lol I totally remember smoking with my dad and it was really kind of creepy. So I get that..

    He hasn't asked anything else and I'm not going to push the issue. He's a smart kid and I trust his decisions. It says something that he came to me..It says something that he values my thoughts on the issue.

    My main issues are that I would never allow him to drink. I would not want him to drink out with friends. It annoys me that the people up the street buy beer for their kids and their friends.. So it's hard for me to give a total green light on weed. If it were legal to have at 21, like drinking, then I would be exactly the same with weed. BUT its not; it is illegal at any age so it's such a grey area.

    I know if he had asked me to drink I would have said 'OH HELL NO!' UGH being a parent is hard sometimes.
  19. Just gonna throw in my 2 cents. My mom smoked with me when I was 15 I knew way before than she smoked but she never admitted it and I had been smoking since 13. She smoked with me and while awkward she helped me pickup better habbits and I agree with the drinking but TBH let him get really drunk my mom let me and my friends get smashed at my house once I drank a 1L bottle of absolute (Im a big kid 6 2 and fat :D) and I was puking everywhere and the next day my mom asked me if I was gonna drink again and I said not for a while and I didnt drink for a long time after that.
  20. You're the parent here, is your child mature enough to handle smoking weed and keeping up his school work and whatnot?

    Personally I would smoke him out, get him high and show him what weed is all about. But he's got to keep up his grades and such.

    Oh, and make sure he doesn't go bragging to his friends that he smoked with mom... You don't want a bunch of kids hounding you for weed.

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