I wrote "Happy" in quotation marks because I believe I forgot what happy feels like. I don't want to get to a story about my life, but lets just say its been not well. The earliest age I can remember is 11 and since then i've been plagued by serious depression, and anxiety, I've been suicidal since I was 12, and I'm 22 now. There were times in my childhood when I do remember being happy for a short period, but now over the past 2 years If I ever am happy its a quick 3 seconds, then my body forces itself to just say "fuck it" again. I am very smart and I love to philosophize, and I write my own theories about the universe and subjects in it, and this is one of my studies. What makes you happy? Was there ever a period in your life where you almost killed yourself? How did you break out of it? I sometimes feel like me being a "philosopher" is a curse and it's causing me to not be happy. Can I train myself to be happy? Will I ... be less "smart" if I am happy?
So... This thread should be called "How do I become happy" If you consider yourself a philosopher and cant find a reason to be happy then Idk what to tell you man.. You couldnt even philosiphize if you didnt have life so be happy to be in existance.. Idk what else to tell you.
Well, I also want to know your opinions, what makes your life worth living? Am I too far gone? I get little to no enjoyment out of anything anymore.
What makes me happy? Fresh air. Clothes on my back. A roof over my head, food in my belly, and all the water I can drink without dying. My dog. Great ganja and fire to ignite it. My music. My ability to write and take photos to express my inner world. Basically, everything keeps me happy, because I'm constantly thanking God for what I DO have, and not cursing Him because I'm not a millionaire, or because I don't drive a shiny car, or because I don't live above the poverty line. This life is only what you make of it, and its the only one you've got. Why piss it away in a bad attitude all the time? There is so much in our lives to be thankful for, and practically nobody shows any gratitude for the little things.
What makes life worth living?? The life.. The experiances. If you dont get enjoyment, try doing things you enjoy.. Or try new things. Move. Do something different. Just go outisde, walk to the end of the drive way, make a right and see how far you can get before you feel the need to turn back knowing that if you dont you might not have another chance to experiance something as remote as a fly pestering you..
You definitely sound like you have it together, but i'm anti religious so that wont work for me. But in order to appreciate the little things, such as fresh air, clothes, food and water, you must have a pretty good life. Because if you had a bad life, fresh air, clothes, food, and water, just seem like something holding you back from death for another day, wondering if its worth it to keep going or not. Can I train myself to "Appreciate" the little things? Have you ever been suicidal?
Seriously? No. Have I thought about how sweet it would be to kill myself instead of deal with a horrible tooth ache at the moment, Hell yeah.
I came so close to suicide 2 years ago I moved to an entire different state for a change of scenery. and to escape the same suicidal feelings over the course of the previous 2 years, i've moved a total of 8 times total, I'm tired of moving, the depression follows. back in January I had a total of $4k saved up from work, I quit my job and was in the store about to buy a gun, water supplies, rice, pans, tents, etc. I was on my way with my shopping cart half full, with the idea of going to live in the wilderness, when I got a phonecall about an apartment application that went through, and its the first time I ever had my own place so I put my wilderness plans on hold, payed all my rent etc until now. I kind of regret not going to live in the wilderness, and now I am out of money to do so. and in order for me to do the things I enjoy, I am required to work a 40+ hour work week, which I don't know if you're familiar with severe anxiety, it's literally almost impossible. I don't know if working, coming home for 3 hours, sleeping, and working, then get 1-2 days off is worth living.
I feel ya op. Ive struggled with depression since I was in the first grade, maybe even longer(my memory of anything before 1st grade is pretty hazy). Some of my earliest memories are of me sitting on the playground alone, just thinking about how empty and hollow I felt. A better question to ask yourself is what makes you unhappy. Its important to search yourself and find the cause of your suffering, that way you can avoid the things that trigger your depression. The things that make me happy are family, friends and marijuana.
I'm poor, I'm in 10s of thousands worth of debt because of my higher education, and I have very aggressive paranoid schizophrenia. I could be like the poster boy for a shitty life. But, I make the best out of what I do have, and I'm cognizant of the fact that things could always be MUCH worse for me. Being gracious for the little things has nothing to do with being religious. You can express gratitude without giving that gratitude up to God. It's all about your mindset. I work hard. I work hard on my education, on my body, on my mind, on my soul, on my garden, on my creative endeavors. I'm always working to better something about myself, even when I'm just pissing around on this site. I'm always seeking greater knowledge, and there are so many people here to learn from that I have a blast. Yes, there was a time I was suicidal. Before I got the psychiatric help that I needed, and was refusing. I won't lie: my spirituality helps me out a ton in this regard, but I've learned over my lifetime that sitting around wallowing in pity gets absolutely nothing done. So do SOMETHING. Anything. Just stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. It sounds like you need a new hobby, or a change of scenery. or maybe even just somebody to talk to. Find what you love, and never stop doing it. That's what I do.
I've been trying to "Search for myself" for a couple months now, and the only conclusion I have is I am not complete yet, I can literally change by day about if I will let someone die, or sacrifice my life for them. Am I a money hungry deceiving person, or do I not care about money. It's a day to day change for me, I can't choose my morals completely. I just got a new hobby, the 1 thing I do find enjoyment out of in life is music, I fucking love all kinds of music from metal, to grunge, to kpop, So i've been practicing guitar. I think you might have said some useful advice I could possibly use, "Work on myself". Maybe I can strive to just be the best person possible. But then there is still my anxiety issue, how can I try and be the best person possible if I can't even go to work because I can't breathe or function.
That's exactly all that any of us can strive for. To be the best possible person we can be. It sounds like you need help for the anxiety issue. Call your county's Department of Health and tell them you need to see a low income psychiatrist. They will help you find one. Most people aren't aware that this is an option. Or, if you don't want to go the psychiatrist route, go to your nearest bookstore and find an anxiety self-help book, and work through the exercises. Work through getting past your phobias. It CAN be done, and it sounds like it's something you need to do to get past this hump in your life. So do it
Funny, I have one in my closet I haven't even looked at yet maybe ill check it out, and Ive been through years of corrupt and bad experience with psychiatrist, I'm done with them. and having anxiety for 10+ years is a little more then a "hump". It's just so weird, try to imagine never remembering happiness, and to go from someone who tries to isolate themselves and who cant function in the real world, to someone who is happy, and no anxiety, and is making a living. It seems almost like an impossible task, it's like I've tried, and If I kill myself, all that trying is for nothing and I should of done it a long time ago, and if I dont kill myself, and I kill myself in a couple years, I wasted another couple years in misery. Maybe that has made me not off myself yet, I just hope and hope things will get better, and my shit problems will go away, but hope can only go so far, I'm not going to be 35 still hoping I have no anxiety.
The main thing that keeps me going is Music. Pretty much every genre You gotta learn to let go of your past thats bothering you. Do you have any heroes or people you look up to? [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaazqOC-K5E]Music Video: E-40 "Just Be You" Feat. Too & J-Banks Albums Out Now! - YouTube[/ame] [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_-EEuTz4bs]Devin the Dude - Do What You Wanna Do (album version) - YouTube[/ame] "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller
"Look up to" no, Have been inspired by... yes. Eddie Vedder, Emilie Autumn, Jonathon Davis, Old Eminem, Friedrich Nietzsche, Morgan Freeman. I can let go of my past, but my anxiety and depression are still around. Sometimes it feels like that becoming "Happy" might be such a drastic change, it might change me as a person, and I don't want that.
When was the last time you had sex, man? I'd bet you just need to get laid. When you're a male and you're not getting pussy, life is horrible and hopeless. Until you fuck something again. And the entire time you're having an epiphany of constant realization that it was totally ridiculous for you to ever wonder why your life may not be worth living.