What is the most painful experience of your life?

Discussion in 'Pandora's Box' started by YEM, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Alright GC, time to let it all out!

    We all need emotional cleansing, there's no way through life without catching some tough love in the while. That's right, it's time to let loose all that stale energy you've been holding within you. The stuff you've been running from and refusing to confront deeply and in a hearten fashion.

    mmmm, yes....reflect! :devious:

    Present your tribulations and hardships immediately. (Try to keep it genuine and sincere!!)

    mmm, and yes, remember I feel you! (And so does this whole community, we're all in it together) (Human understanding and shit, ya dig?)
  2. #2 TexRx, Nov 14, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2011
    Usually you start w/ your own experience first, but....ok, I'll start

    When I was 19 I had the 'onset' of my psychiatric disorder. After being hazed at college more than once, I called home and my parents came and got me....I dropped out and moved back in w/ them. I blacked out for like 3 days and then I was put in a psychiatric hospital. The nightmare had only just began, Those fucking hospitals don't give a fuck about you

    I've been dealin' ever since...20+ yrs now and I have PTSD

  3. When I burnt my face I was lighting gun powder and it went off in my face I had first and second degree burns on my face I can't describe how painful burns are
  4. probly the 1 thing that started/snowballed everything was the 1st time i heard my dad talk shit about me behind my back. think i was maybe 7-8, still cant really let that go, i've tried more or less forgiving him for being a deadbeat, but it always comes back.
    though thanks to that i've made somewhat of a vow to actually be a good father when i have kids.
  5. I'd have to say either cancer or high school. Probably cancer.
  6. I'd say waking up with my toe cut off. Really sort of a long story, but yeah, Advil and such was the equivalent of a skittle when that happened.
  7. #7 Mogwai, Nov 14, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2011
    Seeing my grandmother for the last time. She lived with us and we were pretty close. She had an inoperable brain tumor and we knew she was going to die very soon. She was at a nursing home type place and was about to leave back to where she grew up to die there. I went in to see her and she just looked... confused. She was also unable to speak, but that didn't stop her from trying, which was pretty sad to hear.

    I sat with her alone for like 20-30 minutes before I even started talking because it was just so fucking hard. When I did I choked on every other word and it took me forever =\. Ended up apologizing to her for fucking up my life by going to jail, dropping out of school, all the arguments I've had with her, and shit like that. Talked about a few good memories too, really spilling shit.. Finally told her not to be scared and that I loved her, gave her a kiss, and took a picture of her and I (which got deleted off my phone when it formatted itself like a week after she passed >.<). Then I left.

    I was there like, I dunno.. 1 1/2 hour or maybe 2. I could have spent a lot longer with her but it was just so fucking hard. I feel bad for bailing out when I knew I'd never see her again. I went in to the place thinking I'd talk to her nonstop all day, but just couldn't.

    I don't know if the tumor was so bad that she couldn't understand me or if she could even tell who I was. Mom visited her too (it was her mother) and she swears she could tell she was able to understand, but I'm doubtful. I guess it probably doesn't matter either way though
  8. Ummm was bleeding from my ear as a child it hurt at the time I bet
  9. #10 PigMKIIluv, Nov 14, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2011
    alright guys, got some oc for ya.

    >be a freshman at smallish rural school 2007

    >maybe 900 kids between 9th and 12th grade

    >everyday see cute shortish girl, caucasian.


    >last session of freshman year, she's totally in my english class.

    >mfw i hear her voice

    >mfw i can make her laugh pretty easily.

    >mfw she started to called me every sunday night or so, upset about something she wanted to talk about.

    >mfw i dropped into mad love with this lil beezy hard.

    >....mfw she didn't love me back.

    >mfw its been a minute or two since i've spoke with her so its fine now
  10. I wont mention anything specific, but experiencing multiple different withdrawals in jail laying on a steel plate, not knowing what I had done or even coming there.

    I assume it was a small taste of what people think of as hell would be like
  11. Pain and I go hand in hand through life. Physically, it’s a constant force in my life. I’ve had excruciating headaches that after four constant days wear me down. I’ve been to the ER about 6 times in my life for extremely painful headaches. Each time, they are off the charts in pain (I usually give an 9-11 to the doctors, and I treat the pain scale very seriously). Every time, they dosed me with painkillers and I’m sent home and sleep for the next couple of days. Then in two weeks I get a lovely bill usually above 800$ for my “visit”. That hurts my purse!

    Emotionally is a whole nother story, I grew up in a household with no love and in constant fights with my family. I left the second I turned 18, but was still psychologically dealing with the consequences of living with my family (unknown to my consciousness at the time though). I’ve attempted suicide numerous times, been to rehab for alcoholism, tormented myself with self-mutilation and followed my mother’s example with a struggling relationship towards prescriptions (it’s very difficult not to get hooked on opiates as they relieve the pain for the chronic headaches, but in the long-term cause terrible depression, apathy, and more headaches).

    On a side note, I’ve had all my fingers broken before and that hurt terribly. I’ve also was hospitalized for mono because my throat had swollen so much, they had to keep me hooked up on anti-inflammatory and saline solution. This summer, I got awful food poisoning resulting in stomach convulsions. I spent 6 hours in the ER being ignored until the morning doctor came in, put me on morphine and sent me on my way. It was horrible.

    Anyways, like I said, pain and I are closely intertwined. I’m pretty sure I have a massive karma debt that I’m paying off in this life. Most of my emotional pain is being healed with the help of my husband, who is the most loving person I have ever known (and then his mother is even more loving than him, and it baffles me!). It is wonderful to be able to actually see and know what love is instead of desperately searching for it or actively denouncing it like I did when I was younger. It’s done wonders to my health and my attitude. My husband, yoga and cannabis have been more helpful than any other coping mechanism I have tried. Though, lately, I have been fainting randomly with sudden increases in temperature. My hubby and I were at the grocery store last week, and I ended up fainting at the check-out line. Luckily, I apparently fell straight onto my hubby so I just slid down his body to the floor safely without hurting myself. I fainted the other day too, but I was at home so I was able to be on the couch. I’m guessing if my karma isn’t being expressed through physical or emotional pain, it has moved on to energetic pains. At least I hope so, I don't have health insurance or money to get it checked out.
  12. Either breaking both my ankles (separate times thank god) skateboarding, cracking my rib snowboarding (not breathing is so intense and scary...)

    Or finding out I had DID (dissociative identity disorder aka multiple personality disorders accurate name). I contemplated suicide for a minute because I couldnt ground who i was or my past or anything... I just felt like a head floating around with no purpose or base... it was so strange.

    got a little better grasp on my insanity now even though no one can really tell im a little crazy underneath :smoke:

    Edit: grasp on my SANITY haha... could be the same thing though
  13. I had an ex who lied about getting an abortion just to hurt me.
  14. Either when my first wife divorced me, when my father died or after having two major surgeries on my back. The first surgery they went through my stomach and took out a disk and replaced it with a piece of bone from a cadaver. Just sayin'.
  15. Getting beat until I was 16 and then having my dad threaten to send me to my bio dad. Getting molested by my grandfather and having my dad ask me what I did to start the situation. Getting raped by my best friend.
  16. Giving love and not having it be reciprocated. yea..
  17. Being raped. Hurt like hell. Physically and emotionally. Twice.

    Falling out of love, especially when someone who I still love had fallen out of love with me.

    Childbirth: Labor
  18. Found a syringe in my dad's house when I was about 10. Found out 2 years later he'd been addicted to speed for years. Suddenly a lot of things made sense to me (him always being late, stealing food out of my mom's fridge when I came to visit him, him staying up until 4/5 in the morning every day)

    When I was staying with him, he bitched about my mom. When I was with my mom, she was bitching about my dad. They basically forced me to pick sides. That sucked.

    Started eating a lot because of the stress, got really fat, got bitched at by both my parents for being fat, closed myself off completely when I reached high school age, had no social skills and crippling anxiety, started smoking weed, lost the weight in junior/senior years of high school, slowly started fixing myself.

    And now I'm here.
  19. you ladies are strong

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