I just want to talk about my story. This is my rant about an abusive relationship I was in. I met a guy. We will call him Daniel. So I met Daniel on MySpace when I was 15. I was just out of a relationship and he seemed like a real sweet nerdy guy. I wasn't attracted to him at first but his personality attracted me. A few months into our relationship he randomly broke up with me. I was very upset and he would not give me a reason. His best friends and one of my long time friend from elementary told me he was sleeping with my best friend. The closest friend i ever had up until this day. I am still sad that I lost that relationship. We got back together. He went back to her. We got back together. He had me after this. I trusted no one and blamed her for everything. He made it seem like my fault because I wanted to go out with a guy I was interested in when we first got together but never did because he guilt tripped me out of it. That year at Christmas my family wanted to take a picture. When I went to stand up he pulled me down and looked at me with pure anger. I still got up. Embarrassed and took the picture. I am still embarrassed my family saw the beginning of my abuse and wondered if they knew. He told me I couldn't wear makeup. Convinced me to cut my hair cause itd look better when really he thought I was too attractive. He made it seem like he cared. I had a hard time adjusting. I didn't feel comfortable without makeup. However. One day I wore makeup and he hit me. I cried and he apologized. I felt bad for his childhood abuse and forgave him. Blaming his past. He isolated me fom my family. Made me despise my parents. My dog died. Which was my childhood friend. I was an only child so it crushed me. Soon his dad died. How I will not say for his privacy. I felt bad and felt like I had to stay with him because of this. He kept trying to convince me to have a baby. I didn't want to and I made up reasons to wait a little longer. I secretly kept taking my birth control. I thank The Lord I was not this stupid. One night we drank. Me my first time being smashed. He got real sweet. Then he brought up the baby thing. I told him no flat out. I was not ready to ruin my life. He punched me. I tried to hit him back. I did hard. He just wouldn't stop. Eventually I cried and begged him to stop. Later his sister told me she heard my screams but was too scared to interfere. He eventually stopped and went to bed. Eventually I did too. The next morning I could barely open my mouth enough to eat. Despite this I stayed. Eventually he begged me to move in and when that didn't work he bullied me into it by cheating and blaming all the problems we had on the fact that we didn't live together. I started college and slowly the physical abuse stopped. My romantic feelings for a coworker grew. I had a crush on him since we started working together. Which was 4 years prior. Before I knew of Daniel. I couldn't stop thinking about him. He showed me he cared about me and made me laugh. And he was very attractive. One morning I woke up while the lazy ass no job high school drop out. None of which I ever told my family. I told him I was leaving. He ran and told his whole family and whined and cried. Genuinely I felt bad. But I never saw myself marrying him because I knew it was a mistake. I left and he called me a million times and I didn't care. I felt guilty but I was so happy to be out I wasn't getting sucked in. He even tried to manipulate me by telling me I wouldn't go back cause I was too scared to tell my dad I was going back. That week i finally hung out with my coworker and looked my best. I was required to put my hair up at work so he never saw me with my hair down and could wear makeup freely again. Either way I snagged him. He has been perfect. Sometimes Daniel will still call or text me. Saying how he misses me or wants me back. Upset or crying. By the way, I left his house 2 years ago. And I never reply to his texts and calls. I still have problems sometimes when he contacts me. I wonder if I should hate him. Because I wouldn't be who I am today without going through That. I also feel like the situation is completely halfway my fault as i stayed and added fuel to the fire. The man I am with only found out about my abuse from Daniel ( the man who took my virginity. And gave me a permanent std) A couple months later. I am too embarrassed to give details to him Or anyone who knows me personally for that matter. I know my mind has forcefully blocked out some of the physically abusive moments. But in all I remember him ripping out my hair, choking me, and hitting me in the face. I am happy with who I am now and the lessons this taught me. But I am still ashamed of how stupid I was when I am such a smart girl. For some reason I thought about it tonight and got very embarrassed but writing this helped. Tldr; beat up. Dumped him. Met man of dreams.
thats intense i felt so bad for you while reading this whole thing, and would constantly find myself saying "WHAT?! why did she stay?" everything he's done to you is disturbing, i know abusive relationships can be hard to deal with, and it can even be tough leaving an abusive relationship (ive heard that from several people who have been through this type of relationship). although it may have been a good idea (for the both of you) to leave daniel a lot sooner than you did, im proud that you mustered the bravery to leave him when you did. i hope life goes well for you and your dream guy ^_^ and i want you to remember one thing from this long reply; never change who you really are. and never change your beauty and what you look like if its not something that you really want to do. A guy will love you for who you are not for what he wants you to be
Hopefully your experience keeps you from staying in another abusive relationship so long. It never fails to amaze me how badly some women NEED love regardless of what else that entails.
Definitely. I would never ever do it again. But I agree. I feel so stupid for staying. Honestly I'm ashamed of that part of my life. To this day I can't tell you what was so great that I stayed.
I'm glad you got away from him. My father treated my mother the same way, beat her, cried about it later, she forgave him, rinse, repeat. She ended up with migraines, bleeding ulcers and other issues. After my dad died, my mom slowly began to improve but she was with him for about forty years before she was finally free. That could have been your future if you stayed with Daniel. Once again, I'm glad to hear that you are no longer with him.
Thats really sad. I thank you for sharing your experience. I hope your mother continues to improve, love herself, and improve physically.
i've never been through that. i was abused once in a way as a kkid but the guy never tries to contact me/see me. i wouldn't know whether to say if you should hate him, I had a hard time *truly* hating the guy who abused me because his mom was dying of cancer at the time and i look back on it and feel bad for him but at the same time i know he's a horrible person. but this guy that abused you physically/emotionally yeah he may have taught you something but what a fuckup of a person he is really...when we are young and naive we have a lot to learn, but most people end up learning about how life is in slow easy process with simple regrets, he really took advantage of you fully to treat you like that, most of us are lucky we dont run into a guy like that at that stage of our lives i'm sorry that happened to you. as i get older i realize more and more that cowardly/insecure guys prey on young and insecure girls who havent established their confidence yet (in this society i swear girls are raised and taught to be insecure and have to battle out of it) and it pisses me off so much.
I bet daniel would've been alot sweeter and more sensitive and less abusive had he simply measured with a protractor, instead.
Hate is a waste of emotion on that genetic defect. You're moving on with your life. You can block his number so you don't get those calls or texts anymore. You might need to get a restraining order if he doesn't stop trying to contact you. Your safety and peace of mind is priority. As for blame? That is entirely on his shoulders. You have no responsibility in his abuse towards you. None. It was his conscious choice to physically assault you and his choice to keep physically assaulting you. There is no excuse for violence except in self-defense. No one has the right, no matter how "justified" (there is no justification for abuse) it may seem, to hit another person. So get that thought out of your head. That's part of how abusers manipulate their victims. By making them feel partly or completely responsible. It's a tool they use to keep the victim submissive. You are not to blame in any way, shape or form. I cannot emphasize that enough. Anyway, I'm so glad your life is on the upswing. You may hate me for saying this but you might want to look into therapy (if you already haven't) to help you cope with some of the aftermath. It's common for someone in your circumstance to develop PTSD. Flashbacks are part of PTSD and can be debilitating as well as panic/anxiety attacks. There might be triggers as well which could cause issues in your current relationship. O.k., done preaching. I'm happy for you finding a good man. I finally found a good one myself.
I couldnt read it because I knew it would be a 'feel-sorry-for-me' story and a 'he made me do this, he made me do that' story. I take one glance and thats all I see. Come on OP, he didn't make you do fucking shit. You put yourself through that and I say that because I have seen it a thousand times. You're an adult and I'm confidant you can act like one.
This has to be the most asinine post I've seen on GC so far. And that's saying something. Clearly you have no clue about the dynamics of an abusive relationship. Either that or you're an abuser yourself and feel justified in blaming the victim for his/her victimization. Pathetic.
Either-or logic. I like it. So intelligent. And yeah Im not about to say every person in the world can get out of a relationship. But do you see what she said here, "he made me despise my parents....his dad died...i felt bad and stayed because of this." Have fun with that one. But youll just warp it in your head that hes so awful and she had not one god damn fucking option to leave. Yeah.