[quote name='HelpMeOutHo']the reason i said have her cake and eat it too is for this reason. she knows he wants to bone but never gave him any clear "no, it will never happen" . she keeps him there on a whim to appease any of her needs and desires that are not sexual. when she wants to talk and chill and smoke bud she'll hit up OP, but when she wants a good fucking she will hit up his boy. that's called having your cake and eating it too. she has all the facets of a BF in two different people so she doesn't have to invest into either of them. that is the conceptual definition of having your cake and eating it too. most people would think that's unfair of her to do. fine, they can be friends but it has to be on BOTH of their terms, not just hers. and it's obviously just hers because the OP made it pretty clear. let me ask you a question, if you were in this scenario and the girl wanted to chill with you and you did chill after she did the deed how would you overall demeanor ad state of mind be? if you tell me you would be completely fine and could look her in her eyes and laugh and have that same good time with her i'd say you are lying unless you give me a good enough reason why. and being "mature" about it isn't a good reason. dude, why the fuck are you bitching at me for? i have more female friends then i know what to do with so fucking cool it. and no, i have not gotten physical with ANY of them so what's your godamn point? berating me with assumptions that are complete fallacies? and i don't put information here so that it will be misinterpreted and used as ammunition against me wrongly. i put information on here looking for constructive tips and advice to better myself to change something in my life i am unhappy about. that was a low fucking blow dude, thanks.[/QUOTE] Yes she did. As Nuerosis quoted twice, she said she doesn't even want to go on dates with him. Thats pretty explicit. Or she's just being a friend to him? Just because a girl doesn't spread her legs doesn't mean she's taking advantage of him. When I want to talk, chill, and smoke I hit up my friends too. It doesn't mean I'm taking advantage of them. Most peope would view her as a friend. Guys get turned down all the time, and still choose to remain friends. She's not torturing him. LOL Sure, it wouldn't feel good to know that she chose someone else over me, but I wouldn't think she's wrong for having consentual sex with someone. It's not really for me to decide if she's making good choices. I'd hang out with her as a friend, and find someone else to have sex with, not a big deal. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, man. But I really think theres a difference between being upset about an occurence you have nothing to do with for a short period of time, and being bitter and holding a grudge and losing a friend. IMHO it's really childish, and even the OP is letting it go at this point, which is mature of him.
OP, from what you say about your ex, I can understand how you might read more into a situation than there actually is - when she says she just wants to be friends, you think maybe she doesn't really mean it. but that's your issue, not hers. honestly, it sounds like you're being a shitty friend to her. you've known her since high school? you always talked about the guys in her life? you were friend-zoned a longggg time ago. maybe when she got back from being abroad (and had sex for the first time) she did look at you differently, but probably put you back in the friend category because you never made a move. instead of ignoring her (which is really immature), take a breathe and ask her to go get coffee (or smoke a bowl, whatever you do when you hangout, but you should be alone). be straight with her and tell her that you really liked her and don't know if you can just be her friend. whatever happens, happens, and you'll have to deal with the fall out. if your feelings aren't that serious for her, I recommend leaving your apartment and finding something new that you like to do, then do it with people. it will make you happier, and give you more opportunities to meet new girls, which will make getting over the whole situation easier. but if this girl is hooking up with one of your roommates and is friends with your other roommate's girlfriend, AND lives next door, you can't pretend she doesn't exist, it affects a lot of people in your life. deal with the situation, you'll be better off for it.
It isn't his ex. It's a girl he's been friends with for a few years. Regardless I agree with what you said hazzyjane.
see, i definitely think that is the most mature thing to do but i also feel like that would doom me to the friend zone forever... which i dont want. thats where the delima lies. if i do the mature thing, basically what you stated, then i never have a chance with the girl.... but if i take time off from her and go at the situation differently months from now then i might have a chance. i just dont know if thats a fools dream
I'm stuck in this too, in a way. Girl I was crushing on hard last semester friend zoned me and I've been trying to forget about her, but she texts me every once in a blue moon to see whatsup. I liked her too much to just "be friends" and whatnot..
I would without a doubt be pissed at the girl than the guy, but thats just the way guys minds work In my opinion. But Im sorry to hear that man, Girls are crazy keep your head up.
I mean dude, she doesn't want to even go on a date with you. Do you think she's going to wake up one day and want to have sex with you? It might be in your best interest to let go of her as a possible fuckbuddy/girlfriend/whatever. You should set your sights elsewhere. Not to mention she's fucking your friend. Are you trying to share a girl with your boy? That's kind of gross. It's not that hard to find another girl man. Just start trying if you haven't already. Bolded part: spot on.
Hes known her for years lol, I'm sure in your life time you have fallen for a girl in a day or two, but years lol. It's going to be a bit to get over, I feel the pain and understand.
I agree with what you said, and I didn't mean to suggest it's going to be easy for him to get over, but if he keeps thinking it will work out he's just prolonging his own disappointment/heartache. I think he should atleast recognize that.
Drop her if it makes you feel better, regardless of what anyone says. But in the end it's all up to you.
yeah,,, its just the fact that she hits me up, literally everyday, to hang out and always poses the question as a one on one typ of thing. it usually unfolds like this,,,, if it is during the day time then we usually spend time together, just us. if its at night then she wants to make a group event out of it. and no matter what, even if we are basically on a date,,,, like when i took her out to dinner,,,, then she is adamant about it not being a date. she hasn't called me/texted me/ or fb messaged me in the past two days though. not since her roommate let her know that i was trying to distance myself from her. i am going to keep doing the distance thing though. not because it is what i want but for these reasons.... it hurts to know that she is in cahoots with my friend (despite her turning him down on his relationship proposal) i am obviously in the worst kind of friend zone (the good friend zone that goes back for years) and i really do consider myself an attractive enough individual to have a good time elswhere... but its still a hard road to walk down.
Guys who haven't been here don't know how hard it is to "just move on"..keep your chin up and don't look back. Better girls that won't hookup with your friends lay ahead
^^^ i dont get that but whatever. this will probably be the last update for awhile... ran into the home girl today after class with my buddy. though we havent talked about anything relating to my emotions you could tell something was up. we barely said two words between the three of us... didn't bother me to bad because another friend of mine came up and we chatted about a party that we are all going to tonight... just gonna stay away from the friend zone by staying away from the friend... thanks to all for your advice and support.