This is kind of a ramble, sorry... so just read the first and last paragraphs if you dont want to wade thru a block of text. So I was talking to my dad on the phone about how I need him and my mom to at least cosign for a loan, so that I can go to college. [[[[[[[[Skip to the last paragraph for the short version]]]]]]]] I am just sick and tired of going thru with their BS since they caught me, "earning back their trust", going to all this drug counseling shit, and "I can do whatever I want at college and they will never be the wiser if I just stay clean thru summer". Bull fucking SHIT. I know that they will find something wrong with me no matter what. And my dad is so goddamn biased from his experience in HS, college, etc. being probably the most straight edged teen to live thru the 70s... He says that he won't even cosign for a loan if I dont comply with all this shit. I say no, I am not going to let you bribe me like that. Of course he thinks I'm choosing to screw up my life because I already "blew my chance" and can never touch drugs again b/c he thinks I've proven myself to be a person who cannot handle living a decent life and still smoking. Again, bull fucking SHIT. No one ever GAVE me a chance to live on my own and be successful as I know I can. It is out of respect for them and to humor their request that I am going to counseling at all right now. But it keeps coming back to the same goddamn argument about them refusing to provide for even my ability to get LOANS which I will pay back MYSELF to go to college. Of course I never was counting on my dad approving of my lifestyle, only ACTUALLY giving me a chance to succeed rather than pulling some wuss ass bullshit about how I ALREADY "blew my chance" that I never knew anyone was giving me, and that really was not a chance at all. I ended up getting so fed up with his talking in circles and going back to the same standpoint (all the while, telling me stories of his righteous life and how he was offered $10K to fly a plane full of weed but refused b/c it wasnt worth the risk, etc.) As if just SMOKING it with my FRIENDS is even comparable to that. He also kept bringing up the hot burner analogy... and I'm like hell no. We are not talking about going back and TOUCHING the hot burner, you're making this into, you got a little burn once (them catching me and thinking my smoking screwed up my life b/c things had become difficult at home)-- so you can never cook on the stove again. WTF?! What fucking right do THEY have to make my decisions for me. [[[[[[[[[Finish here]]]]]]]] Finally, my dad conceded that he had no right, and that I still have every right to move out the DAY after high school ends, but still would not cosign for the goddamn loan b/c well, he KNOWS that I will fuck up (and waste their money) (cuz he can fucking predict the future, yup definitely.) So I replied with, alright then. I guess I cant afford the college I had wanted to go to now, so I will go to [cheaper college] instead. He flips a shit thinking that I want this just so I can "smoke some dope whenever I want and be stoned all the time" so he ends the phone convo with: All I hear on the phone is my 18 year old daughter talking to me about how drugs are more important to her than anything else in her life. Goodbye. What do I even SAY to this when I talk to him again?????!!!!!!!!! So pissed off at all this assine bullshit.
Oh I should also add that my parents both think (although it has been my dad I've mostly discussed this with, mom's WAY too reactive) that "staying clean thru the summer" is the only way that I should be ALLOWED enough of their faith in my future success that they will cosign or pay for any of my college.
that's a bummer. if he wants u to go to a better school then he should give u the money. and hey, if not smoking for a few months got me a loan, i'd do it. or at least try my damnedest not to get caught. gl.
If college is that important to you don't smoke and tell them you'll quit and do watever it takes for them to co-sign, and after that you do watever you want lol! if you smoke, don't fuck up your college career and shit! just be responsible ya kno!
I don't know what sort of advice to give you. I mean, I suppose the best idea - the way to get what you want, the loan - is to stay clean through summer. Having said that, if I was in your position that's not what I'd do I don't wanna tell you to lie to your parents, but... You could say you've stopped smoking, and keep it in the dark, be really careful about not getting caught.. Just for the summer. The second that he signs the papers, you can let them know you fooled them all along but on the other hand, lying to your parents isn't the best idea, especially if they've been saying there's a trust issue. but yes. I'm sorry, that's my best advice, haha. i really hope you sort everything out and get into that college
I know... but I always feel like, with them, its never "just this one thing" as they make it seem. It never was "just pot" that caused problems that led them to think I was on the wrong path or w/e, and it would never be "just me smoking now and not being 'ready' for college" that would cause them to not support me going to the more expensive college. I feel like by giving in now, even more than I already had by going to counseling in the 1st place, there will be more bullshit ahead when I am IN college and they find out after all that I still want to smoke. Mind you, I am missing a lot of good times with my friends and boyfriend piddling around with their rules and "earning back their trust"... when I move out im moving OUT this summer, to be able to not only live closer to my summer job but also so I can make the most of the limited time I have left to spend with everyone if I am indeed going away to college instead of going to the cheaper university here. I can guarantee that if I move out, which means stopping the drug counseling that they are paying for (biggest pile of BS I have ever heard of, they thought I was some kind of addict when they found out I smoked), then they will automatically assume I'm smoking again. So I have to get thru all their rules, living here still, just to spend time with my friends in the SUMMER. That does not fly with me. I'm not trying to be stupid and reckless, but its never just the one thing with them. They are desperate to control my lifestyle and holding on for dear life to the last few inches of their reins.
Tell your dad to grow up. If he's that damn ignorant that's all he hears, you need to tell him "NO THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER BEGGING FOR INDEPENDANCE AND A NORMAL TEENAGE/ADULT LIFE!" Was your dad real attentive to you when growing up or did it ever seem like he loved something more? If you think so then flip it on him how he always seemed to care about whatever more than you. I don't know this whole story is terribly lame.
Basically, my dad is skewing the situation out of proportion and into his favor. He's making it sound like I am acting in a way that I have told myself from the beginning that I never will- which is to give up something pivotal to my success "just for smoking". An actual example of this would be, I get a good steady job and they start drug testing, but I cant stop smoking for that. Clearly that is a professional relationship, I keep my half of the deal (not smoking for the sake of my employment) and they keep theirs (I'll still have my job). My parents and I do NOT have a professional relationship of course, although I am trying to convince them to act that way at least in terms of my financial enablement to attend college (cosigning the loan). Knowing them as I do, there will be more things down the road where I end up with the short end of the stick and have to give in to their requests. And when I am financially dependant on my parents, its nothing like a job that I can just quit... I have to comply with them, convince them otherwise, or certain things like this more expensive college wont be happening. I'm just saying, there have been things like this in the past and I find it VERY hard to believe that me going to Drexel will be the end of this control-over-Ashley's-life deal. About as hard to believe as my dad makes it seem when he says he doesn't believe I can still smoke weed and not get caught/do badly in school/fuck up my life completely in some other way.
Punch him in the face, forge the lease, and toke. Jk obviously, you just gotta reason with him, spell out the stupid things he's saying back to him, with all the anger he is feeling he probably can't understand much.
Thats a tough call....not really. Quit for the summer, yeah you will undoubtedly miss some epic times and smoke sessions, but the feeling of kicking back in your own place with the opportunity to gain further education and a bowl of frosty headies is far more appealing to me. Trust me, in this time of frugality having someone cosign a loan for school is a far richer reward than pissing away this opportunity for some good times. Sounds like they are being super unreasonable and I feel you on all this shit, but it is their home and until you can spread your wings you have to have their blessing...so play the game, your already doing it with the "counseling" request, what's to say you can't just take a break for a while to get them off your back and then prove to yourself that you can do whatever it is you set your mind to do? Its got nothing to do with smoking, you need to just get out on your own and make it happen. I bet when they see you making your dreams come true they'll lay off a little and that includes this blanket fear of the evil "gateway drug". Haha, parents can cripple a relationship by overprotecting, hopefully the damage done is not irrepairable. Nothing is more sad that losing a relationship with those who made you. Good luck and get your priorities straight. One summer of sobriety can clear the way to your ticket to bigger and better things. May good vibes be with you on this journey and for shits sake, get some clean piss if you just have to bake one weekend. -tazm
That is a very good point of argument, but the truth is I cant think of anything. He used to volunteer for the fire dept as an EMT but quit b/c my mom got pissed he wasn't home enough, to take me and my sister to soccer practice and whatever (this was when we were alot younger). Since then he has joined the national guard or something that meets biweekly for drills and such, but he told me a story a week or so after I got caught. He said that he has an addiction of his own, that he tries to 1) Relive the best day of his life (this one time he saved a dude's life as an EMT when he was with the fire dept at our first house, I was like 3) and 2) Make better upon the worst day (A time when he lost a burn victim because he was too late). It was because of this "rescue addiction" that he quit the FD, not solely due to time and my mother's requests. And he was all, if this ever happens with the Guard or w/e then I will have to quit that too, blah blah blah. I mean, he is an awesome guy and I respect him for his clean, straightedge life and all. But, I could never be him. He's boring as hell, no offence. He has no social life, works all the time, neglects his hobbies to do whatever shit my mom asks of him (BTW she doesnt even work, yet complains about her lack of time to get shit done and how he always needs to do more to help around the house). And even when he drinks he has like one beer. Its great that he lives his life as a saint, but he can't expect me to do the same. And by witholding college money, he is NOT bringing me over to the holy side as he hopes... rather, he is pushing me AWAY and inspiring me to make my OWN damn life plans.
haaa yup true dat. He always SOUNDS calm and rational, but I know his motives, protect his daughter from taking risks and all forms of danger whatsoever. Like I put on my facebook, if these idiots could surgically remove my free will and cryogenically freeze what's left of me they would. I'm suprised they're even letting me live with my grandma or see my friends at the moment.
to be honest it depends how badly you want to go to this college. if you really wanna go, and staying clean is the only option, then just do it until you get to college then you can do whatever the fuck you want. seems like a good deal to me, but then again if going to a cheaper college has its benefits as well, who knows it might work out well anyways
Lol yea... all good advice, but I just dont think I can face doing nothing all summer, which is what this will end up as. And then going to college and missing all the friends I never got to spend the time they deserved with before I left
I hope you realize that not smoking does not mean the end of the world. You can still hang out with your mates sober, you know....
True... what I've been learning recently is that if things were meant to be they'll happen. So maybe I'm not meant to go to that college... I've never made a major decision that was not strongly intuitive (although this is probably the biggest I've made yet), and I feel like I truly should stay with my same plan of action regardless of what they try to do to prevent me. If they don't support me, then I can make my own way and will be all the better for it because it will be my own doing not theirs.