Weed Puns and Jokes

Discussion in 'General' started by MachewDerson, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. What a great day to be a pot head. Weed is almost legal and is on the way, meanwhile I feel like I could just talk about pot for hours on end so lets hear it y'all...
     
    I wanna laugh my fucking ass off who has the best weed joke/pun/funny story to share?
     
    I'm gonna start us off, but please feel free to be imaginative and share anything funny
     
    Q: How do you know you are a true stoner? A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes! Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
     
    Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? A: Double jointed. 
     
     
    Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed? A: Niether did I.
     
    Q: What do you call a stoners wife? A: Mississippi
     
    Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
     
    Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!
     

     
  2. Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A: A baked potato. 
     
     
    Don't y'all think it's ironic that one dispensary in Colorado has a sign on it's lawn that reads "Keep off the grass?"
     
  3. A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!" 
     
     
  4. There's so many puns but I'm not gonna weed through them all.
     
  5. Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ? A: A pot belly
     
    Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
     
    Q: How do you know your a pothead? A: You studied five days for a urine test?
     
    Q: How do fish party ? A: Seaweed. 
     
     
    Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ? A: A Liar.
     
    Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?  A: A pot hole! 
     
    Q: What is Reality? A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.
     
    Q. How long does it take before an ounce of weed goes bad? A. I don't know! I've never had it longer than a few days
     
    Q: What do you called a doped-up Pikachu? A: Tokemon!
     
    Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? A: Politicians don't inhale...they just suck. 
     
    Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb A: Who cares man
     
    Q: What do you get when you eat too much hash brownies? A: A pot belly
     
    Q: How do sharks get high? A: reefer
     
  6. denver and seattle both have legal weed and are in the super bowl. thats going to be one super "bowl" man.
     
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