Well, I had my first experience of seeing someone die. A termanilly ill close family member, and before the I'm sorry replies come, please don't do that, this is more a question in how others have found that experience and their thoughts. We had gotten the call that the condition was worsening and perhaps it was time to gather. The person, lets call him B was at home lying in bed. When I arrived it obvious B was no longer lucid, on resonable doses of pain medication, breathing through their mouth and not moving much. We tried to talk to B, mentioning who was here and who was coming, little responses were given, the morphine basically killing all interaction with the world. We held and stroked B's hand, by this time it had been 3 days since B had taken water or food. A central line had been inserted that released morphine over 24 hours, the process being at this stage to remove water and food and allow the body to slowly die. Every hour things got worse, during the evening I retired to a hotel, however I had another phone call due to issues with pain medication and pain break through and had to return to help out, this was 1 till 4 in the morning. I ended up sleeping on a sofa. With the pain breakthrough, I had a feeling B was semi lucid and recongised me. This was very emotionally draining and at that time I would have myself thought about injecting more morphine to speed up the end. The final day, incresing doses of morphine was given. Breathing was becoming very hard and fluid started to build in B's lungs. This is just an awful noise known as the death rattle, we had been warned when this appears there is normally 24 hours or less to go. However the rattle is not that distressing for the person, more for the relatives around the bed. This rattle went on for about 6 hours, getting worse, by this time you are just in a numb state, trying to keep busy and also trying to montior the decline. A small part of you wants the person to wake up and get some contact with them, a miricle to happen, but you are pretty much resigned to the end coming. We had all moved out the bedroom for a few mintues to eat something, when I noticed the breathing pattern of B changing, to slow long breaths from shallow ones. We rushed back in and stood around the bed. Interestingly enough, many people even with family around die alone in the final moments, you move out of the rom like we did and miss it. I understand why this is the sudden change to the final breaths is quick, from noticing the change to the final breath was only 6 or 7. The final moments are long slow expelling or air, groaning noises and the rattle, there was no waking up and mustering words. This is uncommon that people manage to do this, B had stopped talking 4 days before hand and never regained their voice. the lesson here being make sure you say the thing you want to say in plently of time. The stories of witty last words are very uncommon, death is a drawn out process. The process was distressing, emotional and difficult, more for the realtives, and it is doubtful that B knew we were there at the final moment, but peace was obtained in the end. However difficult the final days are for the relatives, afterwards having seen that process and being involved in it, I feel better able to cope now, and while it is sad being there and involved at the final moments has been a great help.The person on the bed no longer loooks human, which in a strange way helps you to realise that they are no longer there and have moved on. I dont believe in an afterlife or intelligent enity controlling or not controlling us, I took comfort from being there and seeing that were not in pain.
I had close to the same experience with my grandpa he layed there told everyone it was time for him to go after a couple of days of watching him lay there he passed there was a sudden peace at mind while feeling sad it was a pleasure to know he went in a peaceful way ahhh i miss that old man he was the best!
Deep man. Lived this with my grandpa. He was almost 100 years old. He lived a good life, loved a good woman, and was thouroughly blessed. He passed quietly without much suffering, and that is what was important to me, that he not suffer. He passed with dignity. It was a reliefe to me when he was gone. His troubles with his declining health were all over. He was at peaceful rest, following my Christian beliefs. God rest his soul.
I've had the exact same thing with my gran, we found her on the floor because of a fall in the night that she had and it was said that she suffered a massive stroke, she wasn't concious when we arrived at her home and when the ambulance came she was still in a realy bad state, she was taken to hospital and as the thread naker said about a rattle? Death rattle I've heard it myself, its like some fluid is being garggled in the chest area, realy horrible sound, few hours later she passed away.. Peace.. Keepontoking...
So did all the posters above feel that this process of watching the death helps. I feel that we hide away from this in the modern world, when in fact death and dying was a normal part of life. When my father died as a boy, my mother didn't even allow me to see my father during the last few weeks and not even go to the funeral. Which doesn't allow you to properly say goodbye or come to terms with it all.