So, I'm divorced for 6 years and have been remarried for 3. My son and I are VERY happy with my wife and I wish I could do more for her. So the question I have to pose is this: This "friend" came over Saturday because his son and mine are best friends and I told him he could park at my house(We were having the local Raisin Day parade). Both of our children were in it and everything was good. My ex-wife came to the house to pick up our son for her visitation weekend and instantly started to hit in my "friend". He, being married and a cop, has had his share of extramarital activity. It's not hard when you're a cop. He ended up spending the entire afternoon with my ex and was VERY friendly when they came back by the house. When I picked up my son on Sunday, we talked about how his weekend went and whatnot, general convo. When I asked what time he got in bed Sat, he said it was late because his mom was texting my "friend" at 12:30am. His wife was out of town and I know he has cheated on her before. Hell, she was a married woman when they met! Well, needless to say, I wasn't too happy with him. My wife(current) is perplexed because I'm upset. She thinks that becauser I got mad at my "friend" I still have feelings for my ex. I told my wife that my problem wasn't with my ex, but my "friend". I feel as though he totally disrespected me, my wife, my son, and his kids. So how should I handle this? I don't want to take away my son's best friend, but his dad is a whole other story. Most women I've talked to said "You still have feelings.", the men I talked to said I should kick his ass. I feel the latter, but my medicine has helped me stay calm during the storm. Opinions? All are welcome. I've talked to a lot of men about this, but I've only spoken to my wife, mom, and mother-in-law about it. They all say I shouldn't be mad.
I'd be pissed too. Maybe talk to him about it and tell him why you're angry. Idk man, after that I would probably let it go unless something else crazy happens. Good luck.
So basically you're saying a cop pulled a douchebag move? This is America bro, what do you want us to say? edit: don't fight a cop
THIS IS 'MERICA. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypJALsJxmDI"]YouTube - Arresting me for what?[/ame]
You should just talk to him and tell him how you feel and why. Realisticaly you have no say in Ex's or friends lovelife
It doesn't concern you, let it go. Yeah he's a douche for cheating on his wife but it's not really your place to intervene.
I wouldn't get involed. It seems like the best option. What your ex and your friend are doing is none of your business.
Thank you all for the quick responses. I am an ex-cop and when not medicated properly have a few anger issues as well. If he would've hit on her anywhere but my home, I would agree. Let him have a taste as to why she's my ex. I just feel totally disseed because he did it here. It has nothing to do with her, I know that she chases tail, I just thought we were becoming friends(the cop and I) and think it was pretty damn uncool to do. He has cheated on his wife before, so she checks their phone bills and whatnot. I'd say he made a drunk call and he's busted. As an ex-cop, I know there is a large percentage of officers that have a "beat wife", but I think he shouldn't go after my ex.
I plan on telling him that I disapprove of what he did, I'm just trying to calm down a little before we talk. I guess in the end, my attitude is going to be "F him". He is not welcome at my house any longer. You are right, they can do whatever they want, actually it's almost funny because I told her boyfriend of 5 years that he was going to go through the same thing as I was. However, I don't have to let them do it at my home. Poor judgement on their part. Actually, if I wanted to be an ass, I would call his department and report him for "conduct unbecoming of an officer of the law". Every PD I've ever known has a similar clause that they can terminate you for any reason. Karma man, Karma.
I LIKE it!!! She's just looking for an upgrade from what she has. That's just who she is and I understand that she went through some serious Sh** in life, but so have I and I still have morals! I really don't think she was doing it to piss me off, but rather to improve her lot in life.
I will do anything I can to avoid conflict at my home. I am an MMJ card-holder and am getting ready to harvest my first grow. I DON"T want any unnecessary attention to my home. Again though, I'm an ex-cop and am thoroughly familiar with the laws of the state of California. I DEFINITELY would not roll him off the porch if I wasn't sure that I was legally in the clear. If I'm legally in the clear, (And this will only be determined when we talk), I will tell him to get the F*** out or roll him off the porch provided I have the backing of the law according to the California Penal Code. If he stays away or apologizes, I'll work with him. If he tries to justify, He's getting rolled off the porch!
Even though I would be infuriated by the "code" which states male friends can't fuck around with ex's, I would do nothing. Just don't be friendly with him, nothing else. Think about all the turmoil for your son and wife it would create if you called him on his shit. He likely wouldn't offer an apology anyway.
Thank you! That is the opinion I've been seeking out because my male testosterone is running rampant. I still am not sure how to deal with him being here if his son comes over. I wouldn't roll him necessarily, but I would have a hard time even looking at him.
I don't have a son, and am not faced with this situation, so it's all too easy for me give arbitrary advice, but maybe that's what you need. You gotta sacrifice for your son, and wife...I don't think she would understand/appreciate you going at it over an ex wife. Don't be his friend, maybe him let him know it kinda upsets you, but keep relations at least neutral.
If he actually had relations with her, as you suspect, I would not be on speaking terms with him anymore, other than a simple hello and goodbye if you run into him with your son. Otherwise, no words or conversation at all. I don't even think he deserves an explanation. It's not worth fighting over, and if you slug him and he doesn't hit back, it's only going to make him look like the better man. Human nature is often very disappointing, you can only try not to let it do any more damage in this case, or the future.
Once again, I thank my friends on this site for helping me to take a deep breath and relax a little before deciding how to handle it. I am leaning toward the "be a bigger man" idea, but DAMN it's hard when you've been smacked in the face. I agree, there needs to be no explanation. He knows what he did was wrong and he is the one that has to live with it. My biggest concern is the friendship that his son and mine have developed. I definitely don't want to ruin his friendship, but at the same time, if his friend is living through this and watching his dad cheat, what's to say that his son won't turn out the same? Everyone always tells me that my son is just like me, what if his friend becomes like his dad?