*First of all I'm not quite sure where this belongs, so I'm putting it here so more people might see it so I don't need any posts saying it's in the wrong place, admins can move it if they like.* I don't even know where to begin. I don't want to go into detail with my past since it's the past, I just know there was a time I wasn't like this. I used to be happy, I didn't have these confusing problems. For about 2 years now I have been quite antisocial, and depressed. I would always be thinking, and I'd over analyze things for too much. A year and a bit ago I started talking to a girl, and I got the biggest crush I've ever had. I put her in front of everything and that caused my relationship with my best and only real friend to deteriorate. I used to tell people how I felt and what's on my mind but I stopped that about a year ago, I guess nobody wanted to know how I felt or how my day was. I'm in love with this girl, yet I can't even speak to her anymore. I know other people have felt stronger levels of love, but this is still love, albeit one sided. Basically around christmas time she got a boyfriend, here came the inevitable and I knew it shouldn't have hurt me but it did. She would tell me about intimate things they did even though she knew how I felt about her. I was clutching onto our friendship, holding onto it for dear life, even though there was barely any communication, or anything really, it was just in my head, my sick attachment to her. Now I can't talk to her, yet she always seems to occupy my mind, but it seems as if it's almost subconscious, like I know I'm thinking about her but they aren't actual lines of thought, she's just there, in my head. I don't have very many friends, and I don't go out very often, but when I do I think I've got anxiety. I get worried, I get bad emotions, I feel as if everyone has bad intentions towards me. I feel as if everyone thinks badly of me, even though I don't know any of them and they couldn't care less about me. It doesn't make sense, I know the logic, but I can't fix my illogical problems. I almost feel guilty, but there's nothing for me to feel guilty about, my past isn't doing this to me. To be honest I don't fucking know how I feel. It's as if there's a layer of fog between my emotions and myself, it's like they're there but I can't feel them properly. Like, I can feel emotional pain because I feel horrible and break down and cry, unfortunately. The last time I broke down I don't even know why, there weren't even any thoughts in my head yet I couldn't stop crying. I hyperventilated whilst crying for almost an hour, my hands were white and tingling. As I write this I'm in emotional pain, I have the slight urge to cry, I can't hear half my thoughts I'm just writing it. I feel like shit, but I can't feel anything. It's not even like I feel numb, there's always something there, there's always pain. I feel as if I can't get close to anyone else. I can't keep up a conversation, I can't make new friends, I don't know what to do. I have the urge to love someone, I know there are people out there who feel just like me and wouldn't love anything more than having a friend like me, I know I can be a really good friend. I just want a friend, someone to spend time with, some good company. I'd love a girlfriend, I really just want someone to love, I know I've got a lot of love in me beneath the pain and retarded shit, and I just want to love someone. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, it's not exactly easy to say. Sorry for such a long post. I don't expect you to be able to help me since I can't even help myself, but I'm just putting it out there, and if someone could help me in any way I'd greatly appreciate it. One thing I forgot to mention was that when I was with her I felt peace. It was tranquil. She took away my problems, she gave me genuine happiness, and now things are fucked.
Quit being a bitch and move on. I had this problem and i got over it. It's life. Your not gonna die from this problem.
Get a guitar, write some 3-chord song, write your story down as lyrics, post it on You-Tube, become a millionaire..........Simple. J/k.................sort of....... While this is a messy situation, there have been literally millions of people in exactly your situation. Where do you think all of those sappy, heartbroken songs come from? Art imitates life. You need to move on.......Get involved in something with new people....anything....Become a volunteer somewhere....Join a sport.....Join a dart league at your local bar.....Join a Pro-MJ organization....Anything. After you engross yourself in something with other people, the pain will eventually go away, or at least become manageable. Even if you don't feel like being among other people, you need to force yourself to do it. It's really the only way to get over someone like this. It's synonymous with addiction..........you're addicted to her and you need to treat it as such..........Change people, places and things. Best of luck.........
that sucks man, I'd get a job somewhere where you're talking and conversing with people. It'll help you get over the anxiety, and also help you meet people with common interests etc. Dont let the broad get you down though.
yeah i kind of agree. heres something that helped me; next time you find yourself over thinking ANYTHING, just stop yourself and relax. worrying about these things only makes it worse. dont ignore your problems but learn how to exist peacefully with them. i use to be a lot like you and meditation has done wonders for me, just lay down sometime and think about all the shit you are grateful for in your life. edit- and there is nothing wrong with taking a t break to do some soul searching. dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with smoking weed every day but there are some moments in life when you need to be sober.
I was thinking about applying for a shop near my house, that might help if I get it. Jobs can also make things worse, and I always try to do my best with people but I can't keep up conversation.. But I can try. I know I'm being a bitch guys, but I don't know how to control my emotions yet, so yeah, the advice was good. Have great days