[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmncS7Dw614[/ame] I stand before you with a profound dream. For this dream I require a team. A team that screams the way I scream, That schemes the way I scheme, With a burning passion that turns water to steam. We shall flaunt the taunt of a true Débutante with the want to haunt a world that lacks a savant to write a page in history with a new kind of font that will daunt those who don't join our jaunt at the beginning of this epic conte. For this dream I require a vessel. A vessel that sails where I want it to sail, That hails from where we also hail, With our determination that forces prevail. A ship for this trip that will cause our world to flip, rip, and skip to a place where we must equip the whip with an ever so sharp tip to thwart the quip that would cause us to lose our grip and then slip trying not to tip the cup that will drip the final sip of this dream, sending it into an eternal kip. For this dream I require an Island. An Island with land that I will to land, With stands for which we also stand, With the potential of the very dream at hand. A mound of ground of which I am bound to have found before this dream is downed and then inevitably drowned without a sound from the hound that was innappropriately crowned around the ideals of the world renowned so greatly abound with every scrap of ignorance around to surround those, like us, who refuse to be unwound. For this dream I require Freedom. Freedom from herds that I did not herd, From words that I did not word, With sincerity that has never been slurred. An ideal so real with energy we can feel of an appeal so surreal it can reveal the true to conceal and potientally heal the false who steal from this ordeal the purity of its repeal of the evil that seems so unreal to those who cannot deal with having the Achilles heel of people like us who refuse to kneel. With this dream so profound, I'll attempt to astound those who struggle to cope and are looking for hope. -JPIII 4/28/11
I'd like to give a big thank you to the blade who decided to give my video a thumbs down without commenting why they didn't like it. I know that we stoners can be lazy at times, but come on. If you don't like my work to the point that you have to slap some negativity on it, at least have the courtesy to tell me why.
I think this would be more powerful as spoken word and not put to a beat. It's more poetic and it just doesn't flow super smoothly. I didn't and won't give you a thumbs down though. I think it's great, just would be better in a different format. Keep it up man. Also, did that beat come from Dessa?
Its funny that you mention the style of poem not fitting for the beat. When I wrote Imprisoned in Freedom it was exactly as you said, powerful spoken word. I threw the beat on it to try to change it up a bit and also to honor my idol, Bo Burnham. Which leads to the next part, that is actually a beat from a Bo Burnham song called Rant. I definitely want to hear the Dessa beat you are thinking of though. Also, thank you very much for the kind words and the constructive criticism. I also appreciate you not giving my video a thumbs down. haha
The Dessa song I was thinking of was Mineshaft. It's completely different after I listened to it again, but similar: [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qe3jruM9pg]Dessa - Mineshaft - YouTube[/ame] Like I said man, it's pretty great. Just for me, it would have been more solid as just spoken word. I look forward to hearing more in the future.
I appreciate you showing me the video. Wait no longer, I've posted another poem. http://forum.grasscity.com/artists-corner/951034-[video]-equally-separate.html