well here it is. he's out again. i knew it. i just knew it. he came home about 9 last nite. he said he had a few beer. he wasn't drunk but yeah whatever.so i am packing his stuff and he's out. i'm just not sure if i'm goin overboard here or not. i think i am then i think no fuckin way first it's 5 beer then 5 more then 10 and it'll just escalate right? everything was goin the way it was supposed to go. and now this. he actually came home and thought i wouldn't be upset? am i doin the right thing. i feel like i'm bein harsh yet i shouldn't have to be worrying like this. i went to see my doc and she said i shouldn't be goin to work. i've barely eaten in a week. i get sick to my stomache. headaches. what a gong show.
Daisey, you can't change him..... He has to do it on his own or it will NOT work.. Let him spend time away from home for a while. If he feels you are trying to force him to change, It won't work. The best thing you can do is tell him if he is going to be this way, then you want to seperate or divorce. Let him decide if he is going to drink or be a husband. Youy make the decission on seperating or divorce based on what he decides....... Don't let that decission be his! Any way we love you honey........ If you need us just YELL!
tell him he needs to leave and not come back until he can resist even a small drink. thanks for the update
You know in your heart what you should do. It seems as though he's actin like a child. He knows his limits with you. Don't be afraid to show him the door. It seems it's starting to take it's toll on you physically and mentally which is no good for you or your kids. If they can't count on him, they have to count on you. Don't be afraid - it will suck and hurt and you'll want to change your mind, don't give in. If he really loves his family life he will see what he needs to do to fix it. If he only gives a shit about himself, he will see it like there's somethin' wrong with you because - hell - he's ONLY goin out drinkin with his buddies - what's so wrong with that?!?! No matter what you do, looks like you can count on a little support here. Love and hugs to ya and I wish all the best.
please tell me he is still out? fuck that shit dont let him distroy your whole life... it is realy up to you what to do but we all would hate to see you and your kids keep going thru this shit for what its worth ...my advice would be if he wants to come back make him go out and prove he can do it on his own first if he cant stay away and not drink he cant live home and not do it,,,some thing has to happen or you will have to pay more than you already have
he's home. i just can't do it. i thought i was strong enough but i broke down. i tried to get him out but he wont leave. but i think we can work something out. i know, i whine and cry about him but i can't help it, i still love him. i still want to be with him. i'm only human. i think we may have a common ground on certain things we can work on. and he is still goin to couseling so i hope this works out. i wish i was stronger. if i was rich, i know it would certainly help. i would be out and not have to worry about money the house and bills. i worry to much about those things. always hangin over my head. one minute i think we can work this out and the next i think boy did i fuck up. everything is good now (kissin ass like it was roses) but i still have the feeling he shouldn't be here yet when he's not it's not home anymore. i just don't know......
we wish you the best no matter what just dont let your self get walked on stand up girl you can do it! if you are serious about him and makeing it work then you need to fight fight untill you get what you want (i dont mean the yelling kind of fight )
Daisey I know how you feel. I went through the same thing with the ex-wife. I went through the same thing for that got worst over 5 years. I then decided to Quit putting my kids and myself through hell. I filed for a divorce and fought for my kids. That is not an easy task when the state of Tennessee is a woman satate when it comes to kids. You have to prove (with out a doubt) that the mother is neglecting or abusing the kids. The ex has finally turned herself around and is becoming the person that she should have always been. She started taking advise from her family (who lives 400 milesa away and was not being told the whole truth, and that started our down fall. Anyway when she found out that she and her family couldn't do what they thought they had every right to do, she decided to change herself and tell her family to go to hell because she had lost me and her kids. SO............ You may have to do legal action to change the mind of the spouse. Till he is 100% sure he can't get away with it, he won't completely stop. What ever you do, remember we are here for you!
nice to hear im not the only father who faught for and won his kids.... the ex was easy enuff to deal with her mother on the other hand.... has had me investigated my every agency in 2 states she has called in false reports of child abuse and neglect in fla when we where there and here in alaska when family servises in fla said there was nothing out of line going on ... she called "crimestopers"and reported me as a drug dealer and told they a big long (untrue)story it was nice to be visited by 12 sherrifs at dinner time had to give them the walk thru of my house so they could see nothing was out of the ordiary..or be sujected to a full investigation lucky the wife was smart enuf to get the shit hid wile i was at the door with them not that i was dealing ....just smoking when we got to alaska she had me investigated by family services here as well they also told her to get fucked a cupple mounths later she tryed them again ..they told her we had been investigated and that was that she went to a battered womans shelter and told them all this shit about how i am suposidly so violent and smash things in front of my children every day and put holes in walls in front of there faces and a long list of shit she made up and based on theses lies a judge granted her a 20 day restraining order against me on behalf of my childern the cops came and took them from me at 9pm i have never been more outraged than at that moment i thought this was america? the next day i was at the court house and affter a few moments of discusion the judge was appologising to me and regreting his actions i got them back of corse with the help of everyone! teachers counselers daycare providers everyone involved in my childrens lives stood up for me it was nice and when the time came with no lawyer i walked into the court room and becouse of all the info sent into the judge (including phone calls from personal friends of his whom knew me and my children ) i did not even have to speak he sat down and told her where she could stick it! it was beautifull... oh yeah ..fuck i think i got off subject again hate it when that happens this bowl is for all the dads who are raising there kids dispite everything that is agains us! and for dasie who deserves better than she thinks she does!
It was about the same way around here for a while. At first I got custody by my oldest son talking to the judge. Then the ex called and said i had a pot party going on. Of course the law came right out and checked us out. I had smoked a little pot and the cheif asked me to give blood so they could check it for drugs. Of course it came up empty because when i was 19 (20 years ago) me and cheif had our own plants and was smoking together often. Any way after being investigated 8 times (and they came up with nothing) the judge told the ex she was crazy and had her checked out by a psycologist. After new drugs and several bad times after, she has made a great turn around. Of course the inlaws have still been trying to get her to try for custody again. They think if she gets custody and moves back up there that they can keep me from seeeing my kids. The judge told my ex-inlaws to go back to KY and leave the law to him. He told me later that he felt bad for me and the kids for all that we had been put through. He knew alot more about the shit that went on around here than ever came out in court. Now the ex has come back and is staying in the room with my 11 year old son. (I know my kids need her so I do what they want me too.) To make a longer story short. The ex is doing great! The kids are doing extremely well. And Me? Well I'm trying to get back in the swing of dating and trying to find a woman that loves kids and that likes what I like to a point. That is the hardest thing to do these days!
sounds like your on the path be pationt with the ladys when you find one who can accept all you "baggage" they are few and far between believe me ...the shit mrs dingusus has had to deal with cus of my ex and her family... and likewise the shit i delt with over her daughters father but it is worth it in the end glad to here it worked out for you so far
I have found that very few women want to start out with a 5 month old baby, and a 11 yearold and 16 year old. The biggest thing i have found is trying to find a woman who wants a life that me and the boys have now. We fish, go out on the boat, and do alot more stuff that the boys enjoy. I refuse to turn their lives around to have a steady woman in our lives. Mrs. Dingusus has to be a great woman to put up with the ex and still keep up her spirits!!!! Got to respect a woman like her!
sounds like you got the right idea and are keeping your prioritys in check if you are paitont she will come to you or the boys will grow up and move out and then its party time! between the mrs and i we actually have 5 8yrs 8yrs 7yrs 5yrs 2mo's
Sometimes the hardest decisions are about whether a relationship is worth saving or not. If it is a healthy relationship then you will feel complete and not dependent on him. You would be happy and not have these feelings in the back of your mind. And just remember.........you are stronger than what you think you are. Strength comes from within and it comes when you least expected. I send my positive energy your way and if you need anything, just ask. But be patient.........things always have a way of working themself out for the best.