untitled.

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by McLovin23_x2, Mar 7, 2009.

  1. its like a designed suicide
    its like we failed, though we tried
    its the invention of our own demise,
    searching for spies, tho it was i
    we looked in books and we looked in the skies.
    we evolved around the tools we had made
    and by those tools, we shall be betrayed
    silently.
    unknowingly.
    is this why were here?
    to simply... live in our fear?
    impossible.
    fear is uninhabitable.
    it has no rhyme nor reason
    no patterns nor seasons.
    for on ourselves, we will commit treason
    for the fear from our own creation
    will eventually lead to our own damnation.
     
  2. Love it. :)

    If it was me though i would get rid of the 'tho' in the fourth line so it is just 'it was i', i think it would give it a much better flow. And gives it a shorter line just before the last line on the first rhyming scheme.

    Thats just me though.
     

  3. well since3 you dicided yo put a though in your 4th line..... no =]
     
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