**ultimate guide to disaproving parents*

Hello!
my name is primetime, and for many years i had to live with my anti-drugs parents.
ill break all the important parts into different sections.
(sections begin in purple, warnings begin in red.)


Survival guide for weed
part one: hiding your favorite substance
I am extremely good at this, due to thinking about it all the time a few years ago.
a few places to do it:

• inside of shoe (in the spot where you lift up the padding and see the little
  rubber grids)
• if you play guitar and have a distortion petal, you can remove the battery (9-volt)and put it there. this works amazing!

• boxspring

always use a baggy. spillage and/or any residue can damage the distortion petal, and you wouldnt want to lose your babies, would you? i thought so.

not looking high
ah. this is where most people start to run into problems. a few things that i did to help where-

• smoke outside! there is fresh air, and your clothes wont smell hella like dank.
• DONT CARY EYEDROPS WITH YOU! the reason why you get cotton mouth and your eyes turn red is because you get dehydrated. drink some water (i always drank at least two water bottles)
• if you get asian eye (you could be blindfolded with dental floss) bring some sunglasses. MINI SECTION- sunglasses- take a tolerance break and start wearing sunglasses all the time. after a week, it will be a habit and your parents will not be suspicous as to what you may be hiding under the sunglasses.

coming home while you are high
this is the most threatening part as to if they catch you here, it haunts your memories forever.

Key points:

• DO NOT GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOM!!they will wonder why you are avoiding them and WILL investigate.
• spend a small amount of time with them, but dont talk that often. I used to get horrable speach slurrs and i would say the stupidest stuff, like:

parent: "what have you guys been up to?"
me: "uhm we were at ______'s house reading and shit"
parent: "you can read?"
me: "i dont even remember"

That in mind, you want to talk as little as possable.

• NEVER EVER TRY TO DO MATH

thats all for now, ill add new sections every day. tomorow i will probably write:

1. LSD and WTF you should expect at home
2. alcohol
3. the homemade bong (tuts for at least 3 different ones)

i will also write about requests.

part two-Alcohol
really, when you try to come home drunk
it is usually pretty obvious that you have been drinking. a few tips, but im not going to go into any great detail because this is a bad idea, generally speaking.

• best idea-spend the night at your friend's house. really.
• if you do have to go home, depending on what you drank your breath should be one of the greatest concerns. if you drank ALOT then you probably will not relize that you smell like hella drinks.
• dont do math- again, its always a fail.
  
  Acid and what to expect
  alright, depending on the individual this could be the hardest or the easiest thing in the world. for the people who have never tried it, ill just add in some quick effects that you will experience-
  
  • things will sometimes "lose focus" like when a camera needs to be re-focused
  • everything will "breath", or sometimes it ripples like the ocean
  • at higher doses, you can start to hear audio that isnt there, and often shit can confuse you. (once we were driving, and the car (that has an automated voice) said that the door was ajar. we where like, ''how the hell can the door be a Jar?")
  • just alot of strange things, and sometimes you can start to think the wierdest shit, (if i dont say my ABC's faster than this guy, i will die.)
    going back to your house can be the scariest thing. alot of the times you can get away pretty easy, because your eyes usually arent red. the pupils DO grow to enormous sizes, so its best for you to return at night.

 

continued from above
so what the goal is, is if they ask,
"why are your pupils so large?"
you can reply with,
"its fuckin dark outside."
...or something a little less suspicious.
also, its best to try to avoid staring in one direction for any period of time, because they will wonder
why you are so obsessed with it. just chill with them for a bit, then go to your room and watch the
ultimate show-
SuperJail.

homemade bongs!
this is one of the things i see alot of people ask about on GC. ill just give you some ideas, and tell you how to make a few-

leaky
you need a socket/thimble/trumpet-trumbone-tuba-mouthepiece.
a lighter.
something like a metal tube, if you are desperate you could use plastic
notice-please dont argue about plastic fumes.
if people want to use plastic, harmless or not, let them.
a bottle. preferably smooth, unlike some bumpy water bottles.

attach your bowl to your long tube to form a stem. burn a small hole in the bottle and insert the stem. now burn a smaller hole farther up the bottle for the carb. easy.

noname-
get a really small bottle, a 2 liter, some cords with a large diameter, and a stem(can use the one above.


basically, you want to put the large bottle next to the little one. put the stem in the top of the little one (where the hole you drink from is.) the stem should reach down to the bottom. next, make a small hole in the top of the bottle and insert one of the hollow cables. now makes sure it is airtight.
next, you should burn a little hole in the middle of the large bottle and insert the hollow cable attached to the little bottle into the large one, the same way you would insert a stem into it.

Voila! i know its hard to follow, but its double filtered and is a complete beast.

pipes
there are a huge number of possibilities. for something simple, just get a metal tube, attach it to a trumpet mouthpeice, and then bend the tube. really, i guess ill search the internet and look for some ideas, then post them here later.


ill write about any ideas, or questions you guys have. thanks for reading this!

 

one more reserved for good measure.

 

arizona. you were REALLY close on that one

 

ive seen many a debate between dehydration and blood vessal expansion.

so,
dont get smoke in your eyes.
in my personal experience, i have smoked mass quantities, gotten red eyes, and within 10 minutes of drinking like a gallon of water, all the redness was gone.

 

are you saying that i dont have common sense?

 

THis^^^^^^^

if it was a guide about smoking in your parents house, i would have called it,
"the ultimate guide for smoking in the house of your disapproving parents"