Two stoner Jokes: 'A Hippie Finds A Penny' and 'Three Men Go To Hell'

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by XPiperX, Nov 3, 2007.

  1. 'A Hippie Finds A Penny':

    One day, a hippie was walking down the street in his city, and spots a penny face up on the ground. "Hey," the hippie thinks, "that's some good luck!" so he picks it up and slips it in his pocket. As he rounds the corner, he bumps into a pixie, of all things, floating in mid-air. "You're definitely in luck young man, because you just found MY lucky penny, and if you give it back, I'll give you two wishes." The hippie pulls out the penny and gives it back to the pixie, and then sits against a building to think for a minute.

    The pixie patiently waited as the hippie pondered, and after a few minutes, he looks up and says "I wish I had a never ending joint!". The pixie grins mischievously and pulls a good-sized fatty out of her pocket. The hippie flicks his bic and lights up, puffing once, twice, four times... After ten puffs, the joint hasn't burned down a bit, the cherry still sitting perfectly on the end. At this point, the pixie is getting a little impatient, and tapes the very stoned hippie on the shoulder- "Well, what's your second wish?" and without missing a beat, the hippie exclaimed "Dude, I want another one of these!"


    'Three Men Go To Hell'

    Three men arrive in hell at the same time, and are greeted by the devil, and three doors. The devil said, "Behind each of these doors is the thing you love the most- I will give you a second chance at life, but you must be locked in the room I present to you for what will seem, to you, like 100 years." The men agreed that sounded fair. The first man, who was a hard drinker nearly all of his life, was led to the first door. It swung open, and inside was a massive bar with every kind of alcohol imaginable. The man's jaw dropped, and without a word he ran into the room, the door slamming behind him.

    The second man, during life, had objectified women, treated them as his property and had sex with as many girls as possible, not caring about the consequences or who was hurt. He was led to the second door, which opened to reveal hundreda and hundreda of naked and semi-clothed women, with every fetish and toy you could think of inside. The man let out a tremendous yell of joy as he was dragged into the room by four naked, chesty women.

    The third man was a stoner- He had done nothing wrong with his life, and I'm fairly sure he was in hell due to some paperwork mix up, but regardless.. The devil led him to the third door, and even as the door was being cracked open, the stoner could smell the heavenly dankness of the ganj within. He looked inside, and saw it was a massive grow room, filled with every different strain of marijuana, hydroponic systems, closet grows- everything, and it looked as though it had been taken care of to become the dankest of the dank. Knowing he had 100 years ahead of him, the stoner walked into the room, the biggest grin on his face you've ever seen.

    One hundred years later, the devil went back to the doors. He opened the first, and the man staggerered out, bags and dark circles under his eyes, looking absolutely miserable. "I'll never drink again!" he declared, and with that, he was sent back to Earth. The devil unlocked the second door to see the man inside, covered in lipstick, hickies, bite marks and bruises, and attempting to pry several groping women off of him as he ran towards the door, slamming it shut behind him as soon as he made out. "I'm sore in places I didn't even know existed! I know how all those poor women I used feel now... I'll never take a woman for granted again!" and with that, he poofed back to Earth.

    The devil cracked open the third door, the sweet scent rushing out, but no smoke. He opened the door fully, and to his surprise, the stoner was sitting in the center of the room, his legs crossed in a meditation position. As he heard the door opening, he opened quietly "...You got a light?"
     
  2. Didnt find either of those funny, didnt even bring a smile to my face.... And my stoned!
     
  3. Well, if you don't have anything positive to say, don't shit on someone's thread as you just did. Not a good way to start off here.
     
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  5. lol liked both of them they r just too long to tell to sumone in person i think sort of ow ell good jokes peace out man
     
  6. I usually tell shorter versions if I'm doing it verbally.
     
  7. i enjoyed both of those, dont really care about the length. on number two when the stoner was going into the grow room i was like shit he doesnt have a light does he......lol
     
  8. I liked the first one, but i've heard the second one before.
     
  9. i have heard both before. both GREAT. gets my stoner friends (and even non stoner friends) a good laugh.
     
  10. holy shit. the last one was crazy! if i had weed for 100years and no light, i would be EXTREMELY PISSED. i wouldve ended up like a caveman trying to create fire or atleast eat that shit.
     
  11. haha both of these are really funny!
     
  12. Why not just eat the weed??
     
  13. OH, wait it was all grow rooms and shit??? He could have dried it, clipped it off the stem and used the dry stem to light it after its been fried and lit on fire!
     
  14. haha this is a fairly old thread, but I haven't heard these jokes, so thanks for bumping it! :hello:
     
  15. Both were good, but the first one really made me crack up, because I know people who would do just that! Great mental images...
     
  16. Haha awesome bro yeah I've heard the second one.. still crackup =D
    yeah I woulda tried that rubbing sticks together with big old stems to make a fire... probably wouldn't work, but hey, 100 years, what have you got to lose :smoking:
     
  17. Haha both of the jokes were hilarious!
     
  18. Haha those were both awesome.
     
  19. but hes in hell doesnt hell have fire everywhere i mean. . .:smoking:
     
  20. lol. i liked em both :D
     

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