Two cowboys, one from Alabama and the other from Oklahoma, walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly (Yeah Right!, quietly) about cattle prices. Suddenly a women at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asks the Okie. The women shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe? asks the Bama cowboy. The women, begining to turn a bit blue, shakes her head no again. Well the Bama cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thighs up to the small of her back without missing anything. This shocks the women to a violent orgasm, and the obstruction shoots out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe normal again. The cowboy walks back to the bar and resumes drinking his beer. His partner from Oklahoma pats him on the back and says "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver for choking people before, but ain't nevere seen no one do it to anybody."
LOL...that was a good one. I guess I'll post my 1st joke here in grasscity. Hope it's not offensive but if it is then let me know and I'll use some "G" rated jokes. One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Oh I like that one V. Funny I think I'm going to use that on some of my friends. The joke ... not the contents of the cup!!!!