Two black eyes.

A guy showed up for work one morning with two black eyes. One of his co-workers asked him what happened.

"Well when I was on the train this morning, a very large lady was sitting next to me. When she got up, I noticed that her dress was stuck in the crack of her butt. Being the consumate gentleman, I reached up and gave it tug so it would come out. She turned around and walloped me in the eye!"

"Oh man! But how did you get the second black eye?" the co-worker asked.

"Well it was pretty obvious that she wanted her dress up there, so I started shoving it back in!"