I'm still talking to my ex, we've agreed to just be friends but I don't know why I still like her. It's been like 2 years since we broke up, and she doesn't even live in the same state as me anymore, but whenever she comes to visit she sees me and we hook up with no strings attached, but I am trying everything to stop liking her. I don't know why I can't. We're talking about fantasy's without getting upset now since we have no "feelings" involved so no jealousy can occur (in her mind) and she's telling me she wants to have a threesome with 2 guys. It turns me on but deep down I know I don't want another guy having sex with her. I don't know why I can't just let her go and let another guy have sex with her. Maybe I am addicted to the challenge. I'm trying to win her and so I am being the best I can and taking her out convincing her that she should choose me. But she keeps telling me that she doesn't know what she wants, "What if I find someone I like and I want to be with him", it's already clear to me that she doesn't want to be with me. But I don't understand why I can't just vanish from her life or talk to her as a friend where I don't care if she fucks another guy. When I smoke some weed and I think about my future, and daydream, I think of me being with a woman in a beautiful long dress…. but my ex-girlfriend is not the face in my dreams. I don't even think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, yet I am so in love with her. I try to think of all the RAUNCHY things she likes in hopes that it will make me stop liking her, but no matter how many times I think about the strangers she's fucked, the meth she's smoked, I don't know why. Maybe God has plans for us somewhere in the future. She hasn't been with another guy since we broke up, and I haven't been with another girl. She told me "All I do is work and stay home, thats why maybe I need to start going out more often." So our last convo we had was who knows about the future, if she meets a guy then so be it. We don't know. All I know is she said if she doesn't meet another guy then MAYBE She'll give me another chance. She think's she's some queen goddess or something like how could I ever respect myself for accepting her back after she hasn't found anyone and then comes crawling back to me? It's all up in the air right now. I've never been in a situation like this in my life. Just wanted to share my story with you while I get high.
Well thanks for sharing baurman, and you're ofcourse not the only one going through this. I'm gonna try to keep it short and simple so here goes: She's your ex for a reason, and as much as you love her, she's not worth it at the moment. Look at how she thinks. She thinks she can tell you she wants a threesome with 2 guys, cause you 'dont have feelings for her anymore' while its clear that you do. So I'd say cut her out of your life. YOU take control and show her you dont need her either, switch the roles. If she calls, dont pick up. If she texts, wait a couple days to text back and keep it short. Once she notices that you have changed your attitude, she will be weirded out and may start thinking differently of you than she is now. But the purpose of changing your attitude towards her, is not just to get her back. That would MAYBE be a nice add-on, but what its truely for is to ease up YOUR situation. Theres tons of other girls out there, and you should open yourself up to that possibility. Start enjoying good looking girls on the street and think of how it would be to be with that person. tl;dr 1. Cut off communication with your ex to a bare minimum, dont hook up either cause thats only gonna reset your progress. 2. Open up to other possibilities/girls, and KNOW that you dont need your ex at all. For all you know there is a way prettier, smarter, more loyal and nicer girl just waiting for you. AT that moment you'll feel horrible thinking about what it would be like if you STAYED with your ex. thats it
First off stop hooking up with her 'no strings attached'. Obviously, there are strings and they're fucking with your head. Second, start picturing yourself with other girls. Third, just let her go. You're young; she's not going to wait for you, so why would you waste your energy on her? You've only one life so don't waste your time. Have some fun. You're probably not even in love with her, you're just scared of letting her go. let her go so someone else can take her place.
I think I'm just all sorts of confused, maybe I just enjoy the challenge? Or that I just don't have anything else going on for me, right now. I keep trying to get her back even though I know deep down I don't really want her but she's giving me a challenge. She always says "It's not about me. You don't have to worry about me in your future" this is an obvious sign that she's moved on and doesn't want to feel bad when I still tell her I think about her in my future plans. I don't understand how she can just hook up with no feelings either... she must have some kind of feelings if she keeps talking to me and doesn't just move on herself as well. I know I tell her that there won't be feeling involved but obviously there is with me. I think the thing that gets me is she tells me she hasn't been with another guy in 4 years and so that attracts me but I know if she had the opportunity she'd be with another guy. Just one hasn't come around yet. It would be so much easier to think if I just found a girl who is actually interested in me and shows effort and doing things with me. I constantly tell myself all these negative things (which are true) about her to sway me away like all the raunchy dirty things shes done, but it doesn't seem to be working. But the stress of all this situation is just taking a toll already and I feel like it's running its course. When I think about other girls I realize there are WAY prettier girls out there I just don't know why I am so attached to her when I don't even think she's the girl I really want to be with for the rest of my life.
You're overanalyzing. Instead of just sitting around, getting high and thinking about this girl, why don't you find another "challenge"? She's not interested, and she's far away. What else do you need to know before you start to get over it? Why are you holding onto something that's not even there? For all you know, she is fucking some other guy and lying to you about it. Get a job, work out, read books, and listen to music. Don't look to other people for self esteem.
The only thing I know that heals a broken heart for me is time. But 2 years is a long time. I would say just like the others, forget about her and move on.
I know exactly what you mean, once I was in a long relationship, I took her virginity, and even months after we broke up I couldn't stand thinking about her fucking someone else. My advice....the key to forgetting about a girl is to fuck some other girls and move on to a new relationship. The fresh start you feel when you first start goin out with someone is so much better feeling than trying to impress your ex.
Yep, what everyone else said above. Moving on to the next one is your shortcut, whereas the long route would be to stop being friends with her. I'm still friends with this girl that i'd say I fell for pretty quickly, but she ended it because she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend yet and ready for a relationship blah blah.. we've been through a lot and i've said some stupid shit but we still talk and she still initiates convo sometimes.. and I ALWAYS text her when im drunk just spilling all my beans and I aswell have no idea why i still like her because im not even interested in getting back together with her... But what she made me realise, after I told her i still like her, is that I really dont.. I just dont have any other girls in my life right now. She told me this with such utter confidence that I knew she was right.. and once I thought about it it all made sense. You need to meet a new girl, move on from this relationship.. you can still talk to her if you want once you meet a new girl but until then you will have feelings for this one.