A dog doesn't understand time. Like a young child, he doesn't know the difference between eight o'clock and a week ago Tuesday. The only period of time a dog understands is forever. And that's how long he thinks every day is gonna last. Y'ever scratch your dog behind the ears? They really love that, don't they? "Oh boy, oh boy! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Daddy's scratchin' me behind the ears! My favorite thing. Oh boy, oh boy! This is great!" And you're scratchin' and scratchin', and he's lovin' it, and lookin' at you adoringly, his eyes rollin' back in his head, and then suddenly you stop. And he looks at you like you're some kind of diseased criminal. He's disappointed. He thought the scratchin' was gonna last forever. It's especially bad when you go out and leave him home alone. He thinks you're never coming back. Never. That must be what he thinks, or else why would he act the way he does when you finally get home? All hyper and excited and revved up like he just ate a pound and a half of methamphetamine: "Oh boy-oh boy-oh boy-oh boy-oh boy-oh boy!! IthoughtyouwerenevergonnacomehomeIthoughtyouwerenevergonnacomehomeIthoughtyouwerenevergonnacomehome! I was so scared. I was so lonely. Scared and lonely. I didn't know what to do. I was all alone. I thought I would never eat again. I don't know how to prepare food. I'm a dog. I can't cook. I can't do anything. I don't even know how to operate a can opener. How do ya do that? What do you do, push down the little handle? Couldn't figure it out. Gimme some food. Gimme a kiss. Shake hands. Here's my paw. You want me to roll over? I'll do it. Just don't leave me! Don't go! Don't go! I swear, I'll never pee in the house again! I'll never pee anywhere again! Just don't leave me alone! And it doesn't fucking matter how long you've been gone. They go into this speed-freak mode even if all you did was forget your hat and come back a few seconds later. "Oh boy-ohboy-oh boy!! Ithoughtyouwerenevergonnacomehome! Et Cetera, Et Cetera. Is that how ya say that? Et cetera? Anyway, I got hungry. Again. The minute you left. I was gonna eat the cat. I couldn't find him. Where the fuck's the cat? What did ya do, hide the cat? They really miss you, and they have no idea what time is. -George Carlin, Napalm and Silly Putty PS. I typed out this whole fucking bastard from said book. My fingers are fucking sore because I wanted to share a few laughs. So laugh! God damn it.
I wish my cat missed me like that. When I get home she wakes up to stretch and find another spot to sleep, no greet. eric
Our rotweiler reminds me of the guy in Munich: "The only blood that matters to me is jewish blood." The only blood that matters to Luca is my mother's blood. Whenever I walk into the house, she bolts from wherever she was, doing whatever it is she was doing, only to take one look at me, notice that I am not mother, and either sit by the door and cry until she comes home, or follow me around with a very demented look, as if to say: "You deranged maniac, how dare you get my hopes up. You are the definition of insane. Lock him up and throw away the key. SLAM. Do not pass go. Fucking lunatic, I hope you forget to close your door tonight." Fucking Rotweilers can hold a grudge, eh?
Haha poor neglected you. My dog is an equal lover. Anyone who comes in the house gets jumped on, licked, and basicly run down and knocked over...and she's only 13 pounds. She can actually jump from the ground into your arms haha. And as far as kitties, mine doesn't greet me, but when he's feeling affectionate, fuck he's affectionate, he won't leave me alone! I've had many a night where I've had to listen to constant purring all night.
Ha, I own that book. George Carlin pretty much rules. His humor can be stupid or intelligent, but he takes things that everyone knows and makes them funny. I believe it was him that used the phrase "...the ultimate joke, the war on drugs. Or more accurately, the war on the constiutution."
"I was gonna eat the cat. I couldn't find him. Where the fuck's the cat? What did ya do, hide the cat?" AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAha thank you for providing me with a good morning laugh
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my dog dont give a fuck when i get home haha, it jus lays on the couch, my dad on the other hand it loves though. oh well, my dog sucks anyway
omg EVERYTIME I close the door to the house she comes BARKING AND RUNNING TOWARD THE DOOR i'll open it and stare at her, the second i close it she is barkin again. She also spins in circles the second she sees me. I average around 20-25 circles everytime i walk through that door.
I just hate it when they stay up all night pushing against ur body to make it softer to sleep on, or when you wake up and find out its sitting on your face
dogs can remember shit. they see the sun come up and they see it go down. thaint stupit. if they cn do seeing eye dog shit they can at least have a concept of time.
my dog died like 3 weeks ago. he was almost 15. he was the same way. like a couple times when we would leave the houose and let him stay in, he would sit at the front door, not the one we left from. but he would sit there and howl. like OOOOOOOHHHHHH GOD why have you left me here alone. you will be gone forever. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH. and i would come back in the house sometimes cuz we would forget something and i walk in and he is doing that so much he wouldnt realize i walked in the house. and then i would scare the shit out of him by grabbing his paw or something and he would try to bite me not knowing it was really me. thats a funny story, but i dont wanna talk about it,
Haha that picture is priceless Yeah, dogs can be trained to find people, drugs, bombs, they can lead the blind, play poker, there have seriously been dogs that have called 911 and somehow saved their owner's lives But at the same time they do goofy things just like George Carlin says, I love dogs
I agree with some things you say, as my dog also freaks out when I have only been gone for 30 minutes, she will act like I have been going for hours jumpin up on me, she bites my shirt and pulls me lol. But one thing I can say, that makes me think dogs do have a little idea of what time it is, or atleast a schedule, is that I feed my pit every day at 4:00 eastern, and she knows when it gets close to 4:00 and sits next to the kitchen (shes a fat girl lol, loves her food) for about 30-45 min waiting because she knows its almost dinner time.