Torn

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by infinityplus1, Mar 7, 2011.

  1. #1 infinityplus1, Mar 7, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2011
    GC, I would greatly appreciate your advice/input on my current situation. I don’t want to go too into detail here (or it’ll be a novel), but if you’d like to know more feel free to send me a message.
    My guy and I have had this thing for about a couple years now. For the longest time we didn’t even have a label and I didn’t get any real closure on what we were until about a month ago.
    While away at school I’ve made a lot of good friends. The ‘brother’ of my best friend fell in love with me the minute we met. I told him we could just be friends, and that I was seeing someone. The thing is, the more I talk to him and get to know him, the more I’m starting to develop feelings for him.
    I’m starting to become torn between him and my current guy. I know it’s ultimately my decision, but I’d love to hear the thoughts/opinions of my fellow blades and bladettes.

    Current Guy-
    Pros: Known him for a few years. Close with his family and friends. Lives close to my home. Takes care of me. Insists on paying for me. Eagar to smoke me out. Makes me smile.
    Cons: Very lacking on communication skills (barely calls me, or even talks to me about his life), in fact although I’ve known him so long I barely know anything about him. I’m also unsure of how he really feels about me. Extremely lacking in the bedroom (inexperienced, and somewhat clueless).

    Other Guy-
    Pros: In love with me. Knows his way around the bedroom. Wants to talk to me all day, everyday. I know almost everything about him. We have a lot in common. Compliments me all the time. Makes me blush.
    Cons: Kind of a cheapskate (doesn’t have a steady job). I’ve only known him for only a few months. Doesn’t have the best hygiene. Lives 1,000 miles away from my home.

    Edit- I have not slept with the second guy. But from talking to him, he seems to be more experienced than my current guy who was a virgin when we met.
     
  2. neither, you've got problems to deal with both of them. "been seeing" a guy for more than a year and barely know anything about him? One guy doesn't have a job, and since paying for your shit is obviously important to you, its gonna cause problems.

    also I'm confused, you told the 2nd guy you could be friends and that you're "seeing someone" and yet you had sex with him? You've got issues to resolve with the first guy, don't keep leading the 2nd guy on if he's truly "in love" with you by fucking him while at the same time seeing someone else...
     


  3. Yeah, we were seeing each other (not exclusively) for over a year. Neither of us wanted a relationship, but we found ourselves in one anyway. We didn't even reach the conclusion that we were actually a couple until about a month ago.
    And paying for my shit is not important to me at all, but there's a difference between a guy who is willing to pay for things, and a guy who is barely able to pay for himself and always bums from his friends.
    I haven't had sex with the 2nd guy at all. But from talking to him, I've learned he at least has some experience in the bedroom. At least more than my current guy (who was a virgin when I met him).
    I'm not leading the second guy on at all. He knows my situation and knows how I feel. HE is the one who refuses to give up on me.

    I appreciate your input, but if you have questions, how about you ask me before assuming things.
     

  4. Might be the dumbest thing ive ever read
     


  5. Probably not the best way to word it, but I don't want to give the impression thst I've slept with him.
    I just figure that someone who's had previous relationships and hookups would be better in the bedroom (or at least know what he was doing) more than someone who was a virgin.
     
  6. You should discuss with your "partner" The things he can improve on instead of letting the sex between you two lack.


    Second guy doesnt really sound worth it in the long run but you sound as if you're bored with the current.
     
  7. I have discussed with him. Many times. I'm pretty sure he has PE, and I've tried telling him how to improve it and I've tried helping him to improve it. Fail. There is only so much I can do, the rest is up to him. He's too embarassed to talk to people about it. But for me, for the past year I've been having sex that lasts for less than a minute and I've been getting off by fingers (whether they be his, or my own). You have no clue how frustrating that is. I try to talk to him about it, and about other things and he just gives respones like "I don't know" or "I guess so."

    You are right though. I do need to talk to him. I have to try to get him to communicate more with me. When I'm away at school I literally hear from him maybe once a week, and that's only if I call him.
     
  8. guy 3- me

    pros: everything
    cons: nothing
     
  9. #9 J-DILLA, Mar 8, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011

    It seems that guy 1 is basically your BF from what I read.

    Now, from what I understand, you want to leave guy 1, who takes care of you, pays for your stuff, makes you smile, for a guy with no job, bad hygiene, and lives far away all because guy 1 isn't as good as guy 2 in the bedroom?

    It seems to me you are just looking for sex, in which you shouldn't be in a relationship if that's the case. Guy 1 seems like a solid dude, but if his lack of experience is that big of a deal for you then you know what to do then....

    If your BF isn't communicating enough, then you should be the one who initiates the conversation and let him know what's bothering you, otherwise there won't be any progress in your relationship if you just keep your mouth zipped.
     
  10. I don't really know what I want. All I know is sex and communication are both big parts of a good relationship, and both parties need to contribute.
    It's more or less that guy 2 makes me feel wanted, where my "bf" treats me more like a really good friend he shares a bed with.
     

  11. Ohh I see; now that changes everything.

    The only thing you can do really is talk to you BF about the future of the two of you and how he needs to communicate more in order to make you feel wanted.
     
  12. 1st Guy is the answer..


    You know it is.. :)




    I've been in a position where I "fell in love" with a girl who was torn between two guys . . . . never making that mistake again. I've officially promised myself that I will never do that again.
     
  13. they both sound wack. why not go for a guy who is a baller. We ballers have no cons lol.
     
  14. Sorry OP but I gotta say I fuckin despise it when girls say a guy not having a job is a reason for not dating him. Why not base it on the personality? Just seems very shallow to partially base a relationship with another person on their pocketbook.:confused:

    I can't advise you either way other than to say just don't fuck either of them around or lead them on if you don't intend to follow through with things. Doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with your current boyfriend anyway so...
     
  15. Basing this off the small info that we have, my vote goes to the first guy.
     

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