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Top 10 Mistakes of a Newbie Stoner

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by Smokersmvp, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. I found this looking around stoner websites and found it hilarious and mainly true, since I always either initiate someone into weed or am there the first couple of times.



    1. What do you mean, you're not throwing down?
    Listen up Newbie, the only time you should get smoked up for free is your first time (or if you do something deserving). So ask your new-found stoner friends how they get weed, then get out 20 bucks and buy yourself a bag. If you don't throw down, you're probably not going to be smoking. Assuming that your friends are gonna smoke you up is like going to the movies with them and assuming they'll buy your ticket for you...Don't be that asshole, buy your own bud.

    2. Stop being so paranoid, it's not like you robbed a bank

    Seriously - chill out and stop whipping your head around like you're trying to remove it from your neck. Try to be quiet, try to move less... you'll only get caught if you smoke somewhere stupid or draw a lot of attention to yourself. So chill the fuck out, and don't ruin the vibe.
    (Oh, and if you're really worried about getting caught, )

    3. No, it isn't laced, you're just really high
    You didn't just get a lung full of PCP, when you hit that joint, the rest of us are clearly all fine. If you're not experienced with high quality marijuana, it's not unusual to feel like you just dropped a tab of acid. You're just really high. Just take a few more tokes and you'll mellow out.

    4. Coughing gets you higher
    Quit puffing your cheeks out like you're some kind of chipmunk. No one cares if you let out a cough - there's an old stoner saying "Coughing gets you higher". Just let it all out and try not to cough on anyone - you'll feel better and you won't look like a fucking idiot.

    5. ... but don't cough into the bowl
    Never, ever blow air BACK INTO A BOWL. Unless you're clearing a bowl that has already been finished, never blow air back into any type of smoking device. You'll cause the weed to fly out and be lost forever.

    6. Your dealer doesn't sell pot as a full time job
    Chill out dude, he's got other things to do besides selling you a dime bag. He's on his way home from out of town, he's gotta sell some other kid a half, he's gotta get a ride from his friend, he's gotta do a million other things. Dealers are people - just like you! They have lives, and they're very busy people. They're out smoking a blunt, and your text for a measly ten bag can fucking wait - get used to it.

    7. Stop torching the bowl
    It's probably cherried. Just try to take a toke whenever a bowl (or whatever) is passed to you. If it doesn't hit, then light it. Don't torch the bowl when you don't need to - it's a waste. And ask your local experienced stoner about cornering, too.

    8. Puff, Puff, Pass
    Don't fuck up the rotation. It goes to the left. If you don't want to hit it, just pass it.

    9. Did you really just say that in public?
    If you're a newbie stoner and you're really baked and you're in public....just keep your mouth shut. DON'T start rattling off all of your paranoid thoughts...if you say "we're gonna get fucking arrested" while you're in line at Burger King, you're just giving it away. You might as well shout "I'M STONED ON MARIJUANA!". Just keep your mouth shut, and everything will be fine.

    10. If you don't know, ask.
    Whether it's "how do I hit this joint" or "I'm having trouble holding this roach, can you help" or "How do I pull the slide", don't be afraid to ask. You'll probably piss people off more by pretending you know what you're doing. You're new, we all understand that you have to learn, and we're all willing to teach you. Just be patient, be respectful, and be ready to get really baked.
     
  2. lol
    this applies to my lil cousin soo much! hes getting a lot better though under my guidance...but for the most part he smokes with his other newbie buddies.
     
  3. Thanks for this and very well said. Maybe the newbs will take some notes!
     
  4. I've had about 15 proteges in my 9 years and I'm only 22 :D 8 whom still frequent my house alot and the other 7 are still smokign strong, I've always said if u can initiate a person correctly and make them understand weed. they will love it and enjoy more then the simple ignorant smoker.
     
  5. 11. Stop being such a pussy with eyedrops! They re not going to kill you.
     
  6. 12 - Don't hit it the blunt at a bloody intersection!
     
  7. ahhaahhaa nice one dude, even some people who have been smoking for a while need to read this shit (especially number 1).


    When are we gonna smoke dude? I'm finally getting monies very soon, text me :smoke:
     
  8. 11. You're a noob, use the internet and it's vast knowledge to research (research; not ask questions on a forums) Do searches. Find out the slang, learn what everything is.
     
  9. Ya that's all pretty true when I was newbie I didntclear the bong and passed it and I got so much shit about that. That's why when me an a friend got his lil bro high for the first time we explained everything he would need to know to not be an annoying newb
     

  10. If people do this too much i usually tell them they gotta pass next time because they've pretty much expended the amount of weed you need for two hits. At least.
     
  11. Number 10 always gets people with 'the bucket' (DIY grav bong) as we've deemed it. It's hilarious. A guy pulled the hot ass socket/bowl out of the lid and pulled through there instead of just taking the lid off. It was pretty funny. All ya gotta do is ask..
     
  12. Or don't use them at all. I've never once had a reason to use eye drops.


    I don't really like 4 and 6 too much. Coughing has nothing to do with how high you get, and some people DO sell weed as a full time job (probably not the ones most people know, but there is still that chance).
     
  13. do you really look at the bowl that closely? lol
     

  14. Why not dude? there an entire forum on here that is dedicated to teaching the beginers.
     
  15. I think some people on here need to read this one and comprehend it.
     
  16. Good advice. If you don't know, ask... is probably the best bit of advice.
     
  17. Well said OP. Well said.

    This should be a sticky.
     

  18. I fuckin hate introducing people to weed and having this happen, it's the worst thing ever especially at night with no lights around you and only a dime bag.
     
  19. When you go pick up a bag, don't fucking hold it up in the car and say "Damn look at that!". My younger friend did this and I almost beat his head in. Be intelligent in public, at all times. Be a bit paranoid, it's better safe than sorry. Just not noob paranoid.:smoke:
     
  20. haha such a legit guide thing. except i dont know bout the first one. with me and my friends we always smoke each other down if someone is out. we know we will get repaid or whatever later. that jus seems greedy not smokin down your boy if they are out...but thats jus my opinion i guess:rolleyes:
     

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