Top 10 Mistakes of a Newbie Stoner

I found this looking around stoner websites and found it hilarious and mainly true, since I always either initiate someone into weed or am there the first couple of times.



1. What do you mean, you're not throwing down?
Listen up Newbie, the only time you should get smoked up for free is your first time (or if you do something deserving). So ask your new-found stoner friends how they get weed, then get out 20 bucks and buy yourself a bag. If you don't throw down, you're probably not going to be smoking. Assuming that your friends are gonna smoke you up is like going to the movies with them and assuming they'll buy your ticket for you...Don't be that asshole, buy your own bud.

2. Stop being so paranoid, it's not like you robbed a bank
Seriously - chill out and stop whipping your head around like you're trying to remove it from your neck. Try to be quiet, try to move less... you'll only get caught if you smoke somewhere stupid or draw a lot of attention to yourself. So chill the fuck out, and don't ruin the vibe.
(Oh, and if you're really worried about getting caught, )

3. No, it isn't laced, you're just really high
You didn't just get a lung full of PCP, when you hit that joint, the rest of us are clearly all fine. If you're not experienced with high quality marijuana, it's not unusual to feel like you just dropped a tab of acid. You're just really high. Just take a few more tokes and you'll mellow out.

4. Coughing gets you higher
Quit puffing your cheeks out like you're some kind of chipmunk. No one cares if you let out a cough - there's an old stoner saying "Coughing gets you higher". Just let it all out and try not to cough on anyone - you'll feel better and you won't look like a fucking idiot.

5. ... but don't cough into the bowl
Never, ever blow air BACK INTO A BOWL. Unless you're clearing a bowl that has already been finished, never blow air back into any type of smoking device. You'll cause the weed to fly out and be lost forever.

6. Your dealer doesn't sell pot as a full time job
Chill out dude, he's got other things to do besides selling you a dime bag. He's on his way home from out of town, he's gotta sell some other kid a half, he's gotta get a ride from his friend, he's gotta do a million other things. Dealers are people - just like you! They have lives, and they're very busy people. They're out smoking a blunt, and your text for a measly ten bag can fucking wait - get used to it.

7. Stop torching the bowl
It's probably cherried. Just try to take a toke whenever a bowl (or whatever) is passed to you. If it doesn't hit, then light it. Don't torch the bowl when you don't need to - it's a waste. And ask your local experienced stoner about cornering, too.

8. Puff, Puff, Pass
Don't fuck up the rotation. It goes to the left. If you don't want to hit it, just pass it.

9. Did you really just say that in public?
If you're a newbie stoner and you're really baked and you're in public....just keep your mouth shut. DON'T start rattling off all of your paranoid thoughts...if you say "we're gonna get fucking arrested" while you're in line at Burger King, you're just giving it away. You might as well shout "I'M STONED ON MARIJUANA!". Just keep your mouth shut, and everything will be fine.

10. If you don't know, ask.
Whether it's "how do I hit this joint" or "I'm having trouble holding this roach, can you help" or "How do I pull the slide", don't be afraid to ask. You'll probably piss people off more by pretending you know what you're doing. You're new, we all understand that you have to learn, and we're all willing to teach you. Just be patient, be respectful, and be ready to get really baked.

 

I've had about 15 proteges in my 9 years and I'm only 22 8 whom still frequent my house alot and the other 7 are still smokign strong, I've always said if u can initiate a person correctly and make them understand weed. they will love it and enjoy more then the simple ignorant smoker.