Told my best girl friend of 3 years that I liked her, got completely rejected.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Elephant Panda, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. #1 Elephant Panda, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2014
    EDIT: Fucked up title, I meant 3 years.
     
    So there is this girl, lets call her Jess, that I had been really good friends with for 3 years. The first friend I ever made after going to university. So we got along real well, and I started to like her, probably within the first year. 
     
    Then I found out that her father and mine used to be best friends, and that her family was the one that bought the first house I ever lived in. I'm not trying to illustrate some mysterious connection, just that the sheer amount of coincidences made me feel like there was some sort of connection.
     
    There was this trip that she had was going on, 4 weeks in Peru, and when she came back was the time I had chosen to reveal my affections to her. Lo and behold, she comes back from Peru with a BF. I was understandably gutted. Also her BF is like, the coolest guy I've ever met, super nice, insanely good looking, but none too bright. 
     
    Anyway, so I left them alone for a year. I still liked her, but I didn't want to tell her that I had feelings for her while she was in a relationship, I didn't want to force her to choose between me and him, and I didn't want to create any lasting feelings of resentment or anything of the sort if she did choose me. I just felt it was unfair towards her. 
     
    So we went through the year, her with a BF, me secretly pining after her, and her having no idea. I'd told my best mate that I liked her, and he kept pushing me towards telling her. I told him that I didn't want to tell her while she was still in a relationship, and explained my reasons for doing so. He told me that I was essentially just making excuses, and that I would never tell her. This hit me pretty hard. However, he and some other of my friends had told me that she acts completely different around me, and that it seemed sort of weird.
     
    So, finally, after my friend telling me for the umpteenth time that I need to tell her, I took his advice. We were at a party together, and I was pretty inebriated. It was around 1am, and I looked at her and remembered what my friend had said, and thought "Shit, nothing to lose, right?" So I told her.
     
    She completely rejected me. She didn't even think about it. She heard what I said and immediately said that she had a BF and that was it. I know it was immature and unreasonable for me to expect any other response, but it still hurt. So I stole some random person's large bottle of alcohol, proceeded to drink most of it, and left. The following proceedings don't deserve that clear of a description, let's just say I was insanely drunk and sad and doing stupid shit.
     
    I texted her a couple of days after, after I had recuperated, and asked if we could talk. I told her that I realised that it was unreasonable for me to expect any other response, and I apologised, and asked if we could talk about it. She completely shut me down yet again. She said she knew I was drunk, and it was okay, and we should just forget about it. That hurt. A lot.
     
    I guess my question is to the wise people of the Sex, Love and Relationships forums, is that should I remain friends with her? I know she wants to still be friends. Ill still see her everyday in class. But it seems she just wants to forget what happened, and I can't do that. I'm not going to be one of those guys who got rejected and remains in the friendzone forever. I'd just like to move on. 
     
    So, should I remain friends with her, or should I just move on? It sounds like a stupid question, but it's something that has been unable to escape from my mind for about a week now, and I think it's time to gather some external opinions.
     
    EDIT2: TL:DR, Got rejected by one of my best friends, should I still remain friends or just move on?

     
  2. To everyone that thought TL;DR : OP had a crush on his long time friend and got rejected , should he remain friends with her? 
     
     
    If it's too awkward , call it off or just give her some space and time. 
     
  3. #3 LoveisKind, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2014
    You should just move on imo. Even you said you don't want to be friendzoned forever, so you just answered your own question if she obviously isn't interested in you like that.
     
  4. #4 treesonthisgreenearth, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
    Consider this. What would it say about you (in her eyes) if you broke things off simply b/c she rejected your advances? It's going to be tough for you, but if you were truly her friend (and from what I gather, she believes you are) then would not that friendship come first? Instead of breaking things off and intentionally hurting her (because thats what its going to look like), I think you should stick around and let things run their course. Is it going to be awkward? Sure it is. Will be awkward forever? Not if you don't let it.
     
    Also the friendzone imho is something guys tell themselves to save their pride. I can say this because I have been "friendzoned" three times in my life. I am still very close friends with two of these girls and at least in contact with the third. I am also happily off the market.
     
  5. Dude you can't just give up after the first couple no's.
     
    Just ask James Bond.
     
    [​IMG]
     
  6. These stories never fail to make me laugh. Thanks Op!
     
  7. You make some excellent points.
     
    However, this is the first time I have ever felt this way about somebody. I was already suffering from atypical depression before I told her, not just about her, but a whole bunch of things. When there was always that little tiny hope that after I told her, maybe something would happen, I could cope with it. Now there is nothing.
     
    Now whenever I hang out with her, there won't be anything that will stop me from feeling shit. I'm not sure it's safe or healthy for me to continue to being friends.
     
    Your post made me feel like a dick, which I think it was meant to. I'm not criticising you for it, I'm actually thankful that you forced me to consider a different side to it. But ultimately, after reading my own post and really considering what I wrote, I think it would be best to move on. 
     
    I welcome any other person's thoughts, you can never have enough perspectives and my mind is definitely willing to change. 

    I'm glad I brought happiness to at least one person's day :)
     
  8. First, i read your whole post, all of it.

    And heres what i think.

    Dont make someone a priority who makes you an option.

    Its really that simple for me.

    She didnt consider your feelings, doesnt feel the same about you, and doesnt care about you the way you care about her.

    Id say hello and leave it at that. Let it go, dont think about her anymore, let your heart hurt and move on.

    Its hard for me to say that to you, because ive met two women in my life who had more coincidences than i could believe. I married one of them and have been happy ever since. No regrets. But i didnt base it solely on that.

    A pereon who loves you will see you and no one else. By that i mean, they will be blind to the rest of the world. Few people nowadays understand that and even fewer get to experience it.

    And the secret to that love is dont ever settle for less than you want or less than you give.

    You define your own worth with your actions everyday.

    She probably sees you like a brother if your family is that close. Dont hold any animosity towards her, just move on. If she makes you an option down the line, you can decide whether youll go through it not. I rejected more women than ive slept with. They react in Disbelief each and every time that i wont jeopardize my life and my stability to crawl like every other male through their legs.

    Trust me, feels good to tell them no when you know what ya got.

    You sound like a catch to me and a nice person with a good head and the willingness to put yourself out there. I respect you for that. Youve got one up on 90% of the males in this day and age imo.

    My two cents.

    ~poke
     
  9. Dawg, TRUST me, dip the fuck out, it'll never happen. There are plenty, plenty of women in the world. 

    Moving on completely is in your best interest.
     
  10. Thanks for the laugh OP.
     
    Sounds like you were just a sucker man.
    Read the body language and you won't go through this.
     
  11. #11 bluntmanIVXX, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2014
    You gotta make her jealous man its the only way but its gonna be hard. You need to get a different girl and seem "busy" all the time. You gotta make her think why is he hanging with her and not me? Also, you gotta put on your tough shell and pretend like she never hurt you, like the rejection was meaningless. Its gonna be hard and you will probably fail. Good luck. May the force be with you.
     
    PS. The friend zone doesnt exist. It was simply created as an excuse. Remember no excuses.
     
    I agree with everyone above. Its better to drop it then to fuck with it for so long. Youre only gonna get more hrut in the end.
     
  12. Well, shit, man, I didn't know people could be this insightful.
     
    I don't really know what to say, so I just want you to know that you helped me a lot.
     
  13. Well knowin you were helped makes my day better brother.

    Take it easy man!
     
  14. #14 treesonthisgreenearth, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
     
    Naw I wasn't trying to make you feel like a dick, just presenting a different perspective to help round out your view ;-). At the end of the day, you still have to take care of #1 (you) and if you think you can't handle it then give you (and her) some time and space, but as potsmot247 said don't hold any animosity towards her. I mean you may very well still be good friends for a long time to come once you overcome this hurdle. potsmot247's post actually elaborates things very well, and is in essence what I would do. It speaks volumes about your character what you choose to do and how you go about doing it.
     
  15. If you really liked her as a person, why would you not want to remain friends with her?
     
  16. My advice? Find yourself your own girl. Not a wife. Just a chick to kick it with. If this was meant to be then she will crawl to you. If it wasn't you will know soon enough and can either pursue something long term with new chick or move on.
     
  17. #17 SuperDourPack, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2014
    Yea bro I would jus b on some what's good shit then go do my own thing. I wouldn't bs small talk wit her but I hate small talk I rather not say nuttin. But put ya attention on other women she may come back wen she find out u CURVIN these hoes jk women
     
  18. #18 ByePhilipe, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
    Edit
     
  19. [quote name="trainunderwater" post="20742083" timestamp="1412860979"]

    Edit[/quotei

    I meant to say nice profile pic
     
  20. [quote name="SuperDourPack" post="20742555" timestamp="1412870142"]

    [quote name="trainunderwater" post="20742083" timestamp="1412860979"]

    Edit[/quotei

    I meant to say nice profile pic[/quote]

    Thanks. You tryna be bae?
     

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