Today I took Adderal and it totally changed my life, or at least it felt like it did.

Earlier today I was looking to get high because I was feeling like I needed to get high. Then I remembered that my friend with ADHD had stopped taking his meds so I bought 5 pills off of him. I wasn\'t expecting much from the experience but it ended up changing my life so profoundly I cannot explain it in words. I understand so much more now, I didn\'t take all the pills I let some of my other friends have some but I took most of it. I swallowed three and snorted half of one. I felt really relaxed and I talked about everything, talking and communicating my feelings gave me a good feeling inside. I gained so much more understanding of myself and my mind. I had a very deep and perplexing emotional trip. My anxiety about people\'s opinions of me melted away and I just talked about everything. I just wanted to say \"Hello\" to everyone on the street. I felt strong emotional ties to places I go every day. The trip was pretty intense and when I talked I sounded really stoned. I just let my mind free, I told all my friends I loved them, in a nonsexual way mind you, and I felt a euphoria that rivaled that of marijuana. I don\'t think I\'ve ever typed so much in one day, I just have so much to say, now when I go to write something I end up going on and on. The pills also gave me the confidence to get a girlfriend for the first time since 7th grade. I talked to her for hours and I spilled all my thoughts and she laughed and commented, she even told me that she has smoked weed before. I think I may have found the one. I\'m 15 years old, I know the age rule but I feel that age is measured by maturity. My life has profoundly changed in the past year and I feel like I need to share this experience. I\'m that quiet kid in school, the one who runs around with the huge backpack that hits you when you walk behind it. No one in school would ever believe what I have gone through. I\'ve been called \"smart\" all my life since the third grade, I always felt different from most of my peers, not nessaraly intellectually but I felt more mature. I often disliked how I was always so serious and people often thought I didn\'t have the capability to laugh. I was brought up in a good neighborhood and I only realized how good it was until I went to the other parts of town. I was babied as a child, my parents did not prepare me for the toughness of the real world and I was forced to find out on my own. I was very creative as a child, I had a big imagination and I was always thinking of inventions, and some of them were already in use at the time denounced to me. I was never punished for anything because I didn\'t do anything wrong. In the 5th grade I was put in a special \"gifted\" children program because of my higher than average IQ. I went through middle school in advanced placement classes which I hated but in hindsight I really appreciate the knowledge I gained. Near the end of middle school I had a series of panic attacks and was diagnosed with situational depression and anxiety. I really wasn\'t surprised by that diagnosis considering that my family has a huge history of mental illness and drug abuse. During my freshman year of high school I finally hit puberty, my voice dropped, I grew more and finally got armpit hair. I went to a different high school than most of my friends in the advanced classes and I dropped all of my classes to honors level. The challenge for me in school is not the work, it is dealing with the anxiety of school. If I went to a class a different way than usual I would feel like I was going to have diherrieh because I was so nervous. I just tried to keep it under control by shutting everyone out and focusing on work, I did well in school but my social life was nonexhistant. After school I would hang out with the kids from around the neighborhood who were mostly younger than me. I was a different person in school, quiet hardworking a nervous wreck and very, very emotionally unstable. Once I got home I went through a transformation, I was talkative and got along with everyone. Then one day my friend brought out some beer, we were all excited and I wanted to go about using this substance as scientifically as possible. I didn\'t have much and I got a decent buzz and left for a councler appointment. I never liked drinking much, I wanted something different, sure beer helped me with my depression and anxiety but I didn\'t like having limited control of my body. The one day out of the blue my pothead friend called me up and she said she had a present. I was intrigued and went to meet her, when we met she was oviously high and she gave me a box for a pack of cigarettes. I assumed it was just a pack of marburos and even though I didn\'t smoke I said thanks, and figured I could give them away to someone. Then as I was putting it in my pocket she stopped me she said, \"open it\" and I obeyed. To my suprise there was a little baggy filled with leafy greenery. I was suprised, especially because I didn\'t really care about getting high. I got excited but I held it down to try and make myself seem more relaxed. So the next day after school I took the baggy and opened it, I was confused because, like most beginners, I thought you smoked the leaf. I had no Idea how to smoke it but I ended up making a bong out of a poweraid bottle. So I went up on a cliff near my neighborhood, I knew that I was going to remember that moment for the rest of my life, and I did. I called my other friend and told him to meet me up on the cliff. I got nervous and tired of waiting and I started smoking without him. I had no Idea how much to smoke so I just filled the bowl and started to smoke it. A few hits in I saw him come over the rocks, he had a few hits but I had the most. The girl who gave me the weed said I probably wouldn\'t get high, but sure enough I did. I felt pretty normal as I was walking down the cliff and I got this dry sensation in my mouth, I didn\'t know that it was related to the weed but I ran home for some water. As I was running home all of a sudden I was looking at my back, I had an out of body experience that I have yet to replicate again. From then on I was a changed person. A few days after my first experience I started listening to music I didn\'t really enjoy before. All of a sudden my taste in music expanded. I started carrying around a homemade boom box blasting Pinkfloyd and Bob Marley. I usually wore the same kind of plain shirt each day and the same baseball cap. I liked having the same type of clothes every day because I didn\'t need any added stress about my clothes, school was stressful enough. The work was easy but I was just so nervous I was never comfortable. People picked on me but most people didn\'t even notice me, witch was the way I liked it. I had few friends but we didn\'t really hang out outside of school. Everyone had it set in their mind that I would just sit at home and study. The truth of the matter was that I never studied in my life and I didn\'t even try my hardest in school most of the time but I still got good grades. I was in constant fear of making a mistake or getting in trouble, I hated school. I soon realized that schools all say they promote creativity but when a student goes out of their way to work on a project or even do the daily homework they were alienated, and that\'s what I was and alien in my own school. Because I was so dedicated to my work people made fun of me, no one liked to talk to me either because they thought I was too smart and they didn\'t want to talk. When I was younger I loved to build fake computers out of cardboard, I was fascinated by computers and how they operated and did such complex things. When I got older the cardboard computers were replaced by real ones. My computers were my passion and I loved to build and use them. I hated school and I still do. After I started smoking weed I changed my wardrobe from plain colored shirts to shirts with Bob Marley and other just more exciting shirts. It felt so good to just wear something different than normal, I felt like an individual. Then summer came and I just kept tokin\' up with friends. I felt like doors were being opened for me in my mind, I was very deep in my thoughts and felt inspired to create art or do something creative. I understand emotions better because I have now gone through them. I have matured so much in just one school year. I feel bad about keeping all of my drug use a secret so I made a myspace bulliten that I will post here.

I use weed, I do not abuse it. Marijuana helps me get in touch with the world and it helps me understand my mental processes. It helps me clear my thoughts and it makes me feel reborn. I look at Marijuana as an amazing thing and it is too sacred to be illegal. I don\"t like breaking the law but weed is worth it. It will change your life, profoundly, like how it so greatly changed mine. I think too many people use weed as a toy and they truly abuse it. Classifying weed as a \"drug” is wrong, it has been used for centuries by many cultures and it was respected it is foolish to try and get rid of something that is capable of so much good. Only recently has it been looked down upon. How can a thing that does so much good be illegal it does not make any sense. It has so many good uses it helps me with my depression and anxiety. It can do great things for the body and mind. Many people say that Marijuana use is bad and it will hurt your grades and brain, not true, I\"m an honors student. I\"m proud of my grades, my name made it in the paper for all four terms, I had distinction, high honors, and I made honors twice. This coming school year I\"m going to be going into advance British Literature. Some of you who are reading this may not even believe it, you may be thinking, \"can this be? Does that quiet kid from school really do something like smoking weed”, the answer is ”yes”, I smoke weed and I\"m tired of keeping it a secret from my family and friends it makes me sad I like to be honest and when the law forces me to keep things quiet I can only do it for a certain extent. There is a long history of drug use in my family, my grandfather smoked weed and dropped acid all the time and he went to Harvard. He eventually died of cancer, and the cancer was not caused by any substance abuse, my grandfather was a huge inspiration to me I wish I could have visited him more and the fact that he was so brilliant, even helping decode the Watergate tapes, proves that drug use is not as bad as some may think. My mom often says I remind her of my grandfather, and I think in my head, \"If only you knew”.

My dad just came into my room and I told him I smoked weed, it was a hard thing to do but I trusted he would understand, he is cool like that. He just said he appreciated my honesty and that we would talk about it tomorrow. I\'m glad he knows, I feel better, I figured he would understand because he told me the stories about when he used LSD and cocaine, witch in my opinion are more dangerous than weed. Thank you for reading this, I\'m just oozing with words right now. I hope you all can sympathize the change that has happened so recently in my life and if you moderators can find it in your heart to let me stay here, despite my age, on the wonderful forum that is Grasscity.

Good night and may you have a greater understanding of the universe.