A few questions regarding trust, control and relationship etiquette; 1. Your significant other goes off to study with a person of the opposite sex alone at a library, and does not communicate with you for the entire time. What do you do? - What if they say they're going to the persons home to study? 2. If a person of the other sex asks your significant other to hang out or do anything in general(alone together), how do you expect them to respond? - And if the other person happens to be homosexual? 3. You find out your significant other has been contacting (Your S.O. initiated) one of their ex's, repeatedly, and they have never mentioned it to you. What do you think? - What if they do it frequently, having conversations on at least a week by week basis? - How about not just one ex, but multiple? 4. An old friend of your significant others(opposite sex), who has known them far longer than you, and your significant other are very comfortable with each other. You notice that they frequently get physical and touchy when playing around. What do you when: - The friend slaps your S.O. ass/S.O slaps friends ass - Friend poke's your S.O. breast/S.O. poke's friends breast - One of them kiss's the other on the cheek 5. Would you allow your significant other to make out with a person of the same sex? Would you allow them to go further? Where do you draw the line? - What if you weren't there, they didn't tell you, and you found out? >Would any of your answers change if your significant other has been dishonest in the past? - If they've cheated in a previous relationship, but only went as far as making out. If they did this, but in your current relationship? - What if they went all the way and fucked? Does it make a difference? You don't have to answer all of these. Mostly these are to see what the general consesus of what proper relationship etiquette should be is. tl;dr: Where do you draw the line when it comes to trusting your significant other?
You have trust issues. I am completely comfortable with my girl going to study or go out with friends. Many of which are guys. At the end of the day I trust her and know she's coming home to me. I don't need constant updates of what she's doing or who she's with. Definitely shows a lack of trust. As for making out with people, females I'm all right with. I mean that's hot and I dig that, so go hard. Might lead to something bigger
Nope. I've had one that sort of resembles a question I proposed though. My girlfriends best friend(no sexual relations what so ever) from high school, who she hadn't seen for a year or something, had come back into town and was about to leave when she told me that she was going to IHOP with him for lunch before he was gone for another year to an out of state university. I've met the guy before and he's a closet case homosexual who couldn't pick up a women even if he tried, let alone my girlfriend. So I was OK with it, but me being the overly protective type I still sat her down and explained that with any other guy shit like this would never be OK with me. I mean come on, long time best friend or not, that's a date.
What makes you think I have trust issues? In my case it's my girlfriend who has trust issues, I can't even hang out with a girl (that even has a boyfriend, who happens to be there too) in a group dominated by men without her making some comment about it. I've gone out of town for what would be months worth of time, leaving her alone to do whatever she pleases and not asking a single question about it. I completely trust my baby, especially since she's never broken that trust. I'm down for her getting with other females, in fact she's done it multiple times in front of me with mutual friends ours. Like you said,it only gets you closer to that almighty 3sum.
Find something I want to be doing during that time and don't communicate with my significant other the entire time either. See above. By deciding if they want to do anything with this person or not and then asking me if we had anything planned that would take precedence, and then going and hopefully having fun. See above. I guess it never came up in conversation until now. I'm so proud that my significant other never made a mess of their other relationships and can still be in friendly contact with their exes. See above. Be happy that my lover has someone else they trust enough to be physically affectionate with, or maybe even join in, since my lover has excellent taste, and anyone he is that comfortable with I will probably be comfortable with as well. My significant other is an adult who does not need to ask me for permission to do things, but if they want to continue to have a relationship with me, they will have a discussion with me before being intimate with anyone else, and we will address the questions and concerns on an individual basis. I would remain calm and give them a chance to explain themselves. No, because if I had to worry this much about trust, they wouldn't be my significant other anymore. See above. If I have to draw a line, maybe I deserve someone better?
I misunderstood the way you wrote it. Sorry dude. If she doesn't trust you, that's her issue. You haven't given her a reason not too. Just be there for her, let her know she has no reason not to trust you. If she doesn't come around, I think it would be time to sever ties with her.
No worries man, my mistake as well for not making it clear enough. I don't think she doesn't actually trust me, she's never gone any farther than playfully letting me know that I'm hers and hers only, but then again I don't have any girls that I would consider friends. Not for the lack of knowing any of course, more so the fact that I have absolutely no interest in getting to know or be around any girl other than the one I'm devoted to. That's just how I am. Her on the other hand, she mostly has guy friends that she's known since before we got together and like I said in one of the previous posts, one of them she considers/considered a best friend. Of course, she used to have girlfriends, but with us being in college and spending the majority of our time together(We do everything together, hell there was only a few nights last year at the university when we didn't sleep in the same bed), neither of us have had the chance to really bolster our friend group. I live in a private dorm though so I know a ton of people just because of the amount of people in close proximity but she lives in an apartment with 2 other chicks (who used to be good friends with her but they've drifted apart) so she doesn't get the same opportunities i suppose. So the problem that I face with her is her own insecurity. I fear one day that she'll confuse herself despite all that I am to her and make a choice that will end our long lasting relationship (1 year next week). But that's beside the point of this thread, so excuse my rambling.
Everyone has their own personal pet peeves, what was once alright in a past relationship could be unacceptable in another. Would you throw away a seemingly perfect match just because of one issue? Sure, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but the combination of qualities and traits in a person is just as vast. You'll never truly know what you had till you've lost it they say.
A very good point and of course one shouldn't let one issue ruin things, but some of the questions you were asking just seemed to suggest a stifling and unhappy atmosphere to me, not one where there were lots of redeeming qualities.
1. Well, Id probably ask him why he never texted me back. We text from the time we wake up until we get on the phone at night before we go to sleep. And if we ever go an hour or more without texting back we apologize and tell the other what we were doing that caused us to take so long. So, it would be a little shady if he didnt text me back. Same thing for if they were at this persons house. Actually, I might just ask him why he doesnt find a guy to study with since I know for a fact he doesnt do the whole female friend thing. I wouldn't stop him from going though. 2. I would expect him to say no as he would expect me to. Especially since like I said he doesn't do the female friend thing. If the girl was gay it wouldn't matter because again, he doesn't have female friends. 3. Id assume he wasnt over them. My bf isnt friends with any of his exes so there'd be no reason for him to contact them. Id tell him it made me uncomfortable. Id ask why he was doing it and then we'd go on from there. 4. None of that shit should be happening. I wouldnt let anyone kiss me, touch my tits or my ass, no matter how long I knew them if I was in a relationship. Like what kind of shit is that? That is completely inappropriate. So Id tell him if he ever touched another females tits or ass or kissed them while were dating again we'd be done then and there because I would never do that shit. And I know he feels exactly the same. But then again we aren't touchy people so all of that would be sketchy to begin with. 5. No I wouldnt. Its still cheating and my bf isnt bi so he wouldnt want to kiss a dude any way. He's told me that he doesnt care if I kiss other chicks, even if he's not there. He thinks its hot . But I dont think I could do it. If they have a past of being dishonest (without any sort of cheating) then my answers would remain the same and that goes for if they had cheated in the past. But if they cheated in any way during our relationship Id break up with them, so none of this would matter. None of the answers come from a distrust. I trust my bf. I know he wont cheat on me and he knows I wont cheat on him. But being far away its easier to get jealous so making some simple rules makes us both feel better. My bf and I arent controlling we never tell eachother "you cant do this". We just tell eachother "hey Im not comfortable with you doing that". And we talk about it. Like last weekend I was going to go to the movies with my bestfriend (a guy). I called my bf to ask how he felt about it. He wasnt very comfortable with it so I didnt go. And I mean I cant blame him, it seems like a date. We are long distance too so its a bit different for us.
I wouldn't care if my GF kissed another chick. Somehow that doesn't feel like competition to me, it feels like it's in a separate category to me.
I'm Bisexual myself, so some of my answers may reflect that. For example, I'd take cheating on me with a dude just as seriously as cheating on me with a girl. I also included my expectations for what I would do if I had a partner who was upset at me for doing these things in a monogamous relationship. How could this even be considered to be out of line? I wouldn't think about it twice. If I had a significant other of either sex who got angry at me for doing this, I would dump them. Anyone that controlling and insecure or untrusting either has serious boundary issues, no confidence, or is dishonest themselves and expects the same from everyone else. Still totally fine. If my significant other told me they were a bit suspicious, especially if it was late at night, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I'd just politely explain that it isn't sexual, that I'm an engineering and physics major (so there aren't many girls I can study with) and that it really shouldn't matter that much to him/her. I might me more sympathetic with a lesbian girl who bisexual girls have left for guys in the past--because that does happen and it's sad. I expect them to hang out with them if they want to, and tell them no if they don't want to. I'd only have an issue with this if I think that person in question is dangerous or creepy. If my SO had a problem with me hanging out with friends of either sex, they're probably not going to be my SO for much longer. Same as above. If I have no reason to believe that my SO is cheating with this person idgaf. I have an ex girlfriend who is my best friend. We didn't work as a couple, but we are still friends, and that is years behind us. She is still important to me, and we regularly talk. If someone wanted me to not contact her anymore because they are jealous or insecure, I would explain to them that they have nothing to worry about, and let them be in the room during my phone conversations with her, or whatever to prove that there is nothing untoward going on. But if they refused to negotiate and wouldn't allow me to earn their trust and insisted on me breaking all contact with her, I'd choose my friendship over the relationship. Same goes if they're bing paranoid and need to hear all my conversations with her, or babysit us when we're together. Insecure and controling behaviour again. Again, don't care. Though I'd be a bit suspicious if she/he wanted the conversations to be totally secret from me--like if the computer snaps closed when I walk in the room, or if they always go into another room with the phone. I would probably jokingly say someonthing like "woah! Slow down there, that's my titty to poke." Some joke that calls attention to what just happened. If the touch-er is just a touchy person who does this all the time, (I've known people like this) I wouldn't feel threatened, though I may tell them to back off, especially if my SO is uncomfortable with it. However if it happens more than once, and it's just with my SO, this is a different story. This isn't cheating, but it might be on the road to it, and could make me uncomfortable (may or may not. Depending on the situation). If it did make me uncomfortable, I would politely ask both of them (not in front of other people) to cut it out. No. I don't think same-sex fooling around is less important than opposite sex fooling around. I mean, there's a reason I'm not using one pronoun for my hypothetical significant other. Even if they're straight, I would still treat it with the same weight as I would if they were bi like me. That said, just a kiss isn't enough for me to consider it cheating that would break my trust. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't want them to get lost over just a kiss. I might not trust them as much with that particular person, but I wouldn't see them any differently. If they went further with someone else while in a monogamous relationship with me, I'd be pissed, and they would lose trust. Edit This is assuming totally monogamous relationship. If this activity is to lead to a threesome that both of us have discussed and agree that we're okay with, it's totally fine. Basically, if permision was given, I'm ok with it. BUT this would be the case with straight fooling around too. If my SO discussed it with me, I'd be ok with it. End of Edit same as above. Though in the case of the kiss, I might be bothered they lied. Dishonesty=less trust. In general. But I don't want to know when and where my partner is and who they're with and what they're doing and why and when will they be back and blahblahblah. Their life is still their life. see above. I don't consider a kiss to be cheating by itself. Well, yeah. Once you cheat, I don't trust you anymore not to cheat. If you didn't want just me, why'd you pretend like you did and lie about it? P.S. I'm really not the jealous type. I have no issue with open relationships as long as they are agreed upon by both parties, everyone involved is okay with it, there are rules that were discussed beforehand and agreed upon, and everyone stays true to those rules.
1.) Nothing, let them study. 2.) It depends on the situation. There was one girl, previously, who flirted and said, "She doesn't have to know... " when he told her that I'd be there. 3.) If he just started... yeah, I'd be a bit bothered. 4.) Cheek kissing and hugging are acceptable, but of there was as slapping and boob poking I'd be pretty pissed. That's pretty disrespectful. 5.) I would let him explore if he wanted, but I'd like to know or possibly be there. My boyfriend has cheated. We were both open about our pasts and it doesn't worry me. His last girlfriend was 5 years ago and it was a high school relationship... people do a lot of growing.
Hey I can agree with you on something is it me or do we always end up part of an argument somehow? But yeah she brings up a good point I concur
I really wanna help but I'm seriously to lazy to read all of that lol all I can really say is follow ur instincts, most of the time there right..of course trust your partner because without trust theres really no point in trying to make it work,it just wont. At the same time you know when someone is expecting to much..I think it'll just come to u of course with the obvious..hope this helps a bit
i'd be cool with it if i knew who the guy was. if he's a good guy, i'd be alright with it, but if i knew him for wanting to get some pussy from my girlfriend i wouldn't be comfortable with that that's fine. again, just don't want her hanging out with some dude who is going to try some shit you can be friends with your ex. that's fine, as long as it doesn't get out of hand that's crossing the line. if you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be engaging in flirty behavior like that with someone else the whole point of a relationship is a commitment to one person. if my girlfriend did that behind my back, i'd break up with her the past is the past. has no effect on my current relationship cheating and inappropriate behavior. a relationship is about trust. don't control your partner. let them do what they want, but trust she/he will be faithful to you. if they fuck you over, it's their own fault and not yours. they will bear the guilt