i've been seeing the same girl for about 6 months now and i love her to death. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant, and we talked about all the options we had from there. she decided an abortion would probably best for the both of us, we're both so young and not ready to raise a child. but that's a different story, the reason i'm posting about this is because she's been away on a trip for a few weeks now, in southern california. before she left things were great between us, probably the greatest it's ever been. and even after she left we'd been keeping in touch day after day, i'd call her to wish her a good morning and good night and just to tell her i love her. i know she needs all the love and support i can give her right now, she's going through a huge deal of stress and discomfort. before she left we've been in some huge arguments, over really tiny things that aren't worth arguing over. i understand she has a huge amount of hormones and is very hard to deal with in this situation, so i always tried my best not to argue back, to just let her be right and keep things as calm and smooth as possible. while she's been gone we've been talking about how i should come and visit her down there, since she's not coming back up until mid-july, which is about another month. she's been telling me how she's been feeling very lonely and depressed, and i know she needs me there to comfort her and just be there for her. two nights ago we got in one of the biggest arguments we've had over the phone, and she ended up telling me she wants to stop seeing me and we're not working out. this crushed me in a way i can't and don't want to explain, anyone who's ever experienced a break up with a loved one can understand my pain. now i'm sure she's right about a lot of things, i know i can cause her a bit of unnecessary stress and make things a little worse whenever we argue, and that's my fault. but i also know she's very confused and bothered about this whole situation and things between her and i can change in the smallest amount of time. even though she's extremely mad and upset with me, i'm still planning on coming out to visit her. i'm not sure if she still wants to see me and i'm too scared to ask her if it's okay to go see her. i feel like she's very mad right now and i can't deal with telling her that i'm going out there, i don't want her to say no and have this whole plan ruined. see, i'd already planned this all out about a week ago. a very close friend of mine who lives in santa monica is in town with me this week and is leaving to go home next weekend. i was going to get a ride with him down to southern california, stay with him for a night, wake up the next morning and take however many buses and trains i need to in order to get to where she's staying in long beach, which is pretty far away from santa monica if you're taking public transportation. the issue is we haven't talked about this since our whole argument and i don't know if she still assumes i'm coming out there or not. whenever i tell her that i'm here for her and i'll do whatever it takes to show her that, and to show her how much i love and care for her, she seems to just not really listen and says "yeah right" to almost everything i say. she doesn't believe me when i tell her i'll do anything for her, and that kills me. she's the love of my life and i'm willing to do whatever i can to make her happy and show her that i can commit to her and take care of her. so i feel like if i go out there and see her she can finally believe me and i will physically be there for her in person, hundreds of miles away from where i live. before the argument she was super excited that i brought up the idea of coming out to visit her but she seemed like she doubted i'd actually go that far with no car just to come visit her for a few days. and i want to show her that i can and will. i wouldn't let my parents know (i still live with them) i'd have to tell them i'm going on a camping trip with a friend or make something up, but that's not much of a concern to me. i'm also about to work double over-time in order to come up with enough money for this, since i'd need to take a greyhound bus to get home from southern california, and pay for other things like food, transportation and emergency money. i'm surely going to have enough money by next weekend and i'm sure i'll be able to do it, i've just never been on any type of trip like this where i'm traveling somewhere so far away on my own with no car and for a reason like this. i've also never been so sure of anything else in my life before and i feel like i need to visit her and show her i'm there for her. i can't let her go through the abortion alone, i can't stand the fact that she's even out there feeling the way she is without my company. phone calls and text messages just aren't cutting it and i need to show her. this could be the most important trip of my life, because i'm sure of this girl and i'm sure of my actions... i may seem young and stupid but i love her with everything i have and i have an incredible amount of motivation to show her i care. the main problem is i don't know if i should just go out there and surprise her, or try to tell her that i'm coming before i leave. i feel like if i tell her some time soon she'll not want me to come, but then if i show up anyways it'll work out.. things like this have happened lots of times before, just within the distance of our own town. we've been in lots of fights where i was sure things would not get better, but they did. i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself if she says she doesn't want me out there with her, because i know for a fact that she doesn't want to be out there having an abortion all on her own. i feel like i absolutely need to be there for her. i just need some advice on how to plan this trip, what to tell her, whether or not to bring it up before i leave, and if i do bring it up, how to go about telling/asking her if it's alright if i come and see her... any advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated...
This sounds like a very complicated situation but in some ways it reminds me of me and my boyfriend's relationship. Last night we got in a very upsetting discussion and he surprised me by showing up at my house and spending the night since my parents were away and it made me so happy and hopeful that he was there. I think if I were in your girlfriend's position right now, I would want to see you. I'm sure she is really scared and stressed and is just trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. The fact that you're trying to hard to get there will mean a lot. I hope my advice is right, its hard to tell when I don't know how she is really feeling, but I hope it all works out for the 2 of you. Best of luck
I would if I were you..but just make sure when ur on the greyhound bus do not sit anywhere near the back lol..trust me ..and also when ur at the bus station be sure to ask around cuz it gets confusing ..I had to take a series of buses a couple months ago by myself and it's not fun ..well that's all I can tell ya..and goodluck with ya girl man
Go for it. Whether things work out or not it's best to do something about your relationship rather than sit at home and try to comfort her over phone You know her more than any of us do so it's really your call whether you should let her know you're coming or not Get the money together and make you sure you know your travel plan, also if you're traveling by bus bring a knife or something, better safe than sorry But in the end, it seems like you're leaning towards going there anyway. I can't tell you what life is all about but take the chance and endure the experience, it's better than sitting at home and moping around, even if the situation does turn out bad. Not many people would even think about doing this for a girl so i'm sure she'd be flattered. Good luck