To all those with panic attacks

ESSAY INC.

I've been a lurker around here for over 5 years and it seems more and more cases of 'life changing panic attacks' have come to light. I thought I should share my story

I started smoking about 6 months before I ever knew what a panic attack was, or anxiety for that matter. Every time I'd light up my Reggie and take a few hits I was in bliss.

I was 17 at the time and my mother did not condone my use. She was well aware of what my older brother and I were doing when we would hang out however.

So after those first 6 months of smoking multiple times a week, sometimes daily, I found myself without weed for a few weeks. Little did I know my next session would change my life

My brother came over for the first time in a while. My mother was not home so we went for a little 'walk'. He showed me what we were about to smoke and I had never seen anything like it before. I was use to smoking dirt and now I was looking at what is to be known as top shelf.

He rolled a blunt and insisted that I keep hitting before passing it his way. In a couple of minutes I was feeling great, per usual. He then said we should return home. I was hesitant even with my mother gone. He's my older brother though so I followed.

All was well,playing games and laughing, until about 30 minutes in. I was sitting playing a game while my brother was on the computer. Suddenly I noticed my heart beat was quite a bit faster than usual. Once I felt that sensation it was a snowball effect.

Within minutes of feeling my heart rate I began to question my physical well being. Quickly I got up and told my brother I was certain I was having a heart attack. He laughed a little until he noticed my persistence and seriousness. We went out back and he explained he didn't want to call for help but if I REALLY thought I needed it he would.

I was experiencing what I now know to be ego death. At one time I even felt myself leaving, and told my brother i would always love him. He then proceeded to call an ambulance.

The hospital let me sleep overnight explaining to my mother I would be fine. But I didn't leave the same

From the next day on I suffered from what I came to realize was general anxiety. I also believe I had slight ptsd because the thought of smoking would tilt me towards another panic. The anxiety was accompanied by chest pain I felt was in my heart, (many tests later) it wasn't

It was probably another 6 months before I finally took a hit of a pipe. Going into it I was very anxious and before I was even high I started to spiral into a 'heart attack' panic

This would happen EVERY time I took just a single hit, but something told me to keep doing it.

After several doctor visits it was confirmed my heart was fine and the chest pain was diagnosed as anxiety. With that knowledge I knew to overcome this I had to face it head on

It took about a year of this routine of taking one hit per session until I could finally relax and let myself enjoy the herb again. Fast forward 5 years and I Would love to be able to get close to that high again lol.

Long story, I know, but hopefully someone can see that it's possible to get past the, indeed life changing experience, and use it to grow from. Looking back that night made me grow mentally more than anything else

So hang in there guys and toke on


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