Time to upon up...

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Toxy, Aug 1, 2012.

  1. Hey blades. :wave: This is me opening up about a touchy subject that has changed my life, and it deals with the herb. I haven't told anyone this, ever. So, why am I speaking up now? Because I'm confused, and I feel left out on the world of weed, I need to tell somebody, anybody. I will tell me friends eventually, but for right now I'll start off with the forum!

    Before I start, it's not that I don't enjoy the herb still, I still use it on occasion, this is just MY story of it.

    OK, so it started off with me smoking weed for the first time when I was 15 (I'm 22 now). I was with a friend and we just got some master kush. We rolled up about 5 j's and I smoked them all with my friend in a time span of 20 minutes or so. The reason why I smoked so much was because I didn't think you could get high your first time, but I was determined to do so. I waited about 10 minutes and felt jack shit, so I started watching tv... All of a sudden a realized I had been watching the tv for what felt like 30 minutes, but in reality it had only been a few seconds. At first I was laughing and enjoying it but a few minutes later I got so high it was becoming violent in my mind. I freaked out. I literally freaked the fuck out, and didn't know what to do because my mind was so gone it was like being in a black tunnel that at the time I thought was going to be forever.

    After I came down everything was ok but I was shaken up, and my mind has never been the same. It was like I had been raped and abused in the mind. Ever since then I've had anxiety and reality seems far away. I see things in such a different light that it becomes scary. I don't wrap my mind around things like before. NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING, but even after 7 years I still can't shake it off or perceive it naturally.

    I have lots of friends, an awesome job, a girlfriend, and I'm great with people so I guess you could say I'm not completely lost in the head. I know how to interact with my world but everything still seems scary under the blanket, if that makes any sense?

    I feel like I'll never be understood because I can't comprehend to people how I feel, and I feel horrible deep down with this anxiety. I keep it well kept inside and I feel crazy.

    All in all its a trip. I'm never forgetting that. Even though sometimes I can be very afraid of this world inside of my mind, I've realized for a few years now that it's all a ride and that it's all okay. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice (though it wouldn't hurt), I'm looking to tell my story and see if people can relate.
     
  2. Thats sounds like derealization or called freening out. Im not to sure bu i would say look it up on the internet! You could be suffering from this. Good lich bro
     
  3. I had the same thing man.. after I got high it was like the way I saw things and the way I looked at life just totally changed like I had just taken on a whole new step in life like a new maturity.. I had grasped some great knowledge and wisdom and experience with life and in return it took a part of my childhood from me.. like an innocence if you will. I still to this day think about how if I didn't ever smoke weed my whole life would be different.. its a good and bad kinda thing.. you learn a lot but it also seems like to much as some points
     
  4. How your mind reacts to weed is all you. We can control our highs, you just have to learn how to do so. I know it's hard, but a peaceful high is ten times better than rough one. IMO
     
  5. maybe its not such a bad thing Toxy. like what ringleader2012 said, "I had grasped some great knowledge and wisdom and experience with life and in return it took a part of my childhood from me.. like an innocence if you will,". Maybe all you have to do is "Let Go" and "Enjoy" the "Now" instead of trying to figure out what happened to your mind all those years ago. you should try deep meditation or isolation tank. They could heal the mind. its only a suggestion.

    one time I smoked so much I fell into a trance. Completely conscious of my surroundings, but lost in my mind. My mind was racing with question after question, thought after thought, but then I realized that all I had to do was to let go and enjoy whatever the experience was.
     

  6. definitely good advice! I just recently started to meditate and its incredible! especially when your high! try meditation OP
     
  7. You just need to talk about it to all your loved ones and people you care about. You said it was like being raped? Well i dont think it was that intense you just got traumatized and the only way to get over trauma it to talk about it... trust me, there are alot of things i would like to tell people, but ill be taking it to the grave, nothing hurts more than that.
     

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