Hey blades. This is me opening up about a touchy subject that has changed my life, and it deals with the herb. I haven't told anyone this, ever. So, why am I speaking up now? Because I'm confused, and I feel left out on the world of weed, I need to tell somebody, anybody. I will tell me friends eventually, but for right now I'll start off with the forum! Before I start, it's not that I don't enjoy the herb still, I still use it on occasion, this is just MY story of it. OK, so it started off with me smoking weed for the first time when I was 15 (I'm 22 now). I was with a friend and we just got some master kush. We rolled up about 5 j's and I smoked them all with my friend in a time span of 20 minutes or so. The reason why I smoked so much was because I didn't think you could get high your first time, but I was determined to do so. I waited about 10 minutes and felt jack shit, so I started watching tv... All of a sudden a realized I had been watching the tv for what felt like 30 minutes, but in reality it had only been a few seconds. At first I was laughing and enjoying it but a few minutes later I got so high it was becoming violent in my mind. I freaked out. I literally freaked the fuck out, and didn't know what to do because my mind was so gone it was like being in a black tunnel that at the time I thought was going to be forever. After I came down everything was ok but I was shaken up, and my mind has never been the same. It was like I had been raped and abused in the mind. Ever since then I've had anxiety and reality seems far away. I see things in such a different light that it becomes scary. I don't wrap my mind around things like before. NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING, but even after 7 years I still can't shake it off or perceive it naturally. I have lots of friends, an awesome job, a girlfriend, and I'm great with people so I guess you could say I'm not completely lost in the head. I know how to interact with my world but everything still seems scary under the blanket, if that makes any sense? I feel like I'll never be understood because I can't comprehend to people how I feel, and I feel horrible deep down with this anxiety. I keep it well kept inside and I feel crazy. All in all its a trip. I'm never forgetting that. Even though sometimes I can be very afraid of this world inside of my mind, I've realized for a few years now that it's all a ride and that it's all okay. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice (though it wouldn't hurt), I'm looking to tell my story and see if people can relate.