Hi Grasscity. this is going to be a long post, so buckle your seatbelts. first, the backstory: as a middle/high schooler, i was always shy (still am, but that's something i'll talk about later). i was homeschooled until halfway through 2nd grade, when my parents divorced. when they did, i was forced into public school. elementary school was pretty good. a few kids made fun of me, but not many (remember this, because it's important). in middle school, that changed. Kids started making fun of me and bullying me almost non-stop. i can see why- i am/was tall, and quiet, and i would say stuff like "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". I eventually got some friends in middle school. we were the weird kids, the ones that sat at the edge of the cafeteria by ourselves. still, people made fun of me. i had a crush on a girl that rode the bus with me, named Angel. i was on the verge of asking her out a few times in middle school, but never did. in 8th grade, i switched to a high school that had an 8th grade program, along with 2 of my friends. one of them was part of the weird group, and the other was a semi-cool kid. during 8th grade, i finally asked Angel out. we still rode the bus together, even though we went to different schools. she said no, and from then on i sat somewhere away from her to hide my shame. every time we made accidental eye contact i would turn bright red and look away. apart from that though, 8th grade was a good year for me. no one bullied me, and i was friends with everyone in my grade (there was only about 30 people). when 9th grade came, i had the time of my life. i had a bunch of friends that i hung around constantly, and we always cut up in class. because of this, i got a D in geometry and an F in PE, when before i had always been a straight AB student. also, i was a jerk. i made fun of one kid who was a grade ahead of me, and was a douchebag to people in general. When 9th grade ended, i was looking forward to a hot summer and then a return to my life at school. what i got instead was the reforming of myself. over that summer, my mom told me i couldn't go back to that school. i raged. i screamed. i went a week without talking to her. i stayed in my room and teamkilled in battlefield vietnam. that summer, i spent almost the entire time fermenting in my room. as a result, my personality regressed to that of a shy 7th grader. eventually, i started getting over my anger and rage, and reluctantly decided to visit the private school i would be attending. it wasnt a sleepaway school, nor religious. it was very small, with only about 30 kids in the entire high school portion. i decided to try it out, and did my best to make it a positive thing. my first day at the school sucked. my family is middle class, but everyone at the school was rich. to pay the tuition, my grandparents were pitching in. everyone there was so popular and douchebaggy. i felt like i didn't fit in. i quickly became friends with the other new student, a kid named devin. he was in 9th grade, and extremely ghetto. honestly, i think our only common bond was that we hated it there and weren't rich. while devin was my only respite from the tools, that wasnt enough. i was friends on facebook with my old friends, but it wasn't the same. i tried hanging out with them on weekends, but it just felt weird. during the time i was at the private school, i fell into a deep depression. i was having daily thoughts of suicide. all of my beliefs were anti-establishment.i was so fed up with the system. i thought it was all crap. i told people i wanted to be homeless, and meant it. during november, i finally decided that i'd had enough. i decided that if my mom wouldnt let me transfer out, then i'd start a fight to get kicked out. i was at my wits end. we talked to the principal, and he said he'd try to get some people to be friends with me (he didnt actually say that, but that was the implied meaning, and later people did try talking to me). my mom said that if i still hated it at the end of the semester, i could go. needless to say, i still hated it, so i transferred to a public school. my reason for transferring there was because my friend Miles who went there had told me stories of a golden land, where everything was great. when i got there, i found out i had been lied to. at the new school, i found it was just like the old one, but with more people. Once again, it was all preps, douches, and rich pricks. even worse, i didn't have any classes with Miles. during lunch i'd sit at his table with all of his other friends and feel lonely. i never did make many friends there. every morning i'd hang out in the Art room, even though i'm not artistic. everywhere else was full of people. during this time i also had a bunch of feelings of paranoia. i felt like everyone was looking at me and making fun of me behind my back. around May of my 10th grade year, i tried weed. i had basically hit rock bottom, and i had been listening to the soundtrack from the musical "Hair". it really made me realize, "fuck it, nothings good anyway". so i tried weed, and it was cool. i felt less paranoid, and just cruised through my classes. i stayed to myself, and just did the work so i could pass. after i graduated last year, i decided to enroll in a local college to get my AA while i figured out what i wanted to do. over the summer, i worked at a boy scout summer camp (boy scouts is where i smoked weed 1st). that summer helped me tremendously. living in close proximity to 18 other dudes has a way of making you less shy. by the end of the summer, i was sort of outgoing and friendly. at least i could carry on a regular conversation fairly well, and hang out normally. my outgoing-ness carried over into my 1st semester of college. i'm still living at home, at least until i finish my AA, so i don't have dorm life to contend with. this 2nd semester, however, has subtly changed. i'm not quite as outgoing, and i have a few classes that i'm quiet and self conscious in. overall though, i'm capable of talking to someone normally, which is more than i could say during high school. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- now onto the modern part of my life like i said, nowadays i'm actually a lot better. but still, i have problems talking to girls in a sexual way. i have some friends that are girls, and i can talk to them like i talk to guys, but when it comes to talking to a hot girl for the first time, or trying to get out of the friend zone, i'm terrible. i stutter, and i'm just not very good at it. i've heard that confidence is the name of the game, so i'm trying to be more confident, but it isn't going very well. basically, what i ask of you, Grasscity, is to help me become confident. i want to get a lady, because, lets face it, my hand just isn't cutting it anymore. prositutes aren't a choice, because i'd rather not get crabs, and i'm pretty short on cash. i don't want to fuck some drunk girl at a party, mostly because i'm not good at parties. so, any advice? tl;dr: read the thread, you lazy bum .
i read it all and can relate to it in alot of ways but i dont know what to say to help ya dude im kinda stuck in the same rut where you are
sounds rough man, but always know good always comes when you least expect it. anyways, with the girls thing. ive noticed that its good to befriend a girl just as a friend with no intentions of getting with her (yes i kno thats hard) but that gets your foot in the door. if your actually a cool dude then she will tel her friends about you and you'll prolly get to meet them and so on. you might even begin to start something with your new girl that is friend, who knows. you gotta also learn to not give a fuck. i mean take care of yourself, hygiene and all that junks but if you wana do something fuckin do it. this creates confidence because you simply dont care about what people think. but be careful with that because you dont want to take it to the point where people think you are weird. if your feelings lonely, check this link out. a GC member posted it a few weeks ago and it applied to me. Loneliness