This is DEFINATELY not a "hi i'm new lolz" thread.

Nope. Totally not. I don't know what you're lookin' for, here.

Go back to bed.









... <3

 

Hahahaha, you like it? I was trippin' out on Shrooms and was like "DUDE, my pic looks SCARY." So, I decided to use it as my sig. I was ganna animate it, so like the eyes changes colors, but that would be FUUUUUUUUUUCKED up!

 

Think THAT'S bad? My parents had 19 kids.

 

Heeeeellllllllllllllllllllllll no I WISH I was bullshittin'! I moved out when I was like, 13 tho. Went into foster care and shit? Then I was like, "No FUCK that! I'mma have my own house and do what I want!!!" So here I am in IL.

 

FUUUUCK that. It's ganna be ME.

 

Hahaha, okay let me break it down to you, you'll just LOOOVE this story.


Once upon a time, there was a man named John Jones. Johnny, they all called him.

A big black man, in his prime. Always wore fancy suits, had a phat jerry curl and a gold plated cane he wal-

...YES, YOU GET ME YET? MY FATHER WAS A PIMP.


Anyway, some CRACK whore named Carol came into his life when she was 16, and he was 36. They fell in bed together, had a kid. He then went back to his wife, Diane.

Suddenly, the child named Sarah, was getting older! Carol needed more monies! Needed someone to care for Sarah!


That bitch Sarah ain't me, hold your horses.


He was like FUCK YOU HOE, I GOTS A WIFE.

They waited, and waited, and waited, when they found out his wife, Diane, was infertile.

That's right, that bitch's eggs were hard boiled and USELESS. But she loved kids, and with all the money Johnny made, she wanted a family sooo, sooo bad.


(stupid bitch with her moustache and super muffintop and chicken head)


So he called up the FINEST HOES OF CALIFORNIIAA!

PUNKIN!

TAMMY!

KIKI!

KELLY!

And then there was SNOW WHITE!

(But snow white was an ugly hoe so he didn't count her)


He decided "Hey, these bitches are prostitutes and homeless. If I offer to let them live WITH MEEE, they can bare my kids and raise them SO I DON'T HAVE TO DO THE SHIT."

Of course, everyone turned his pimp ass, black ass, punk muthafuckin ass down. Nobody wants a deal like that!


EXCEPT.

FOR CAROL.

Thaaaaaaaaaaat bitch popped out babies like her vagina was an automatic baseball pitcher.

After Sara, the list is as follows:

Tammy
TJ
Angela
David
Donald (TWINS!)
James
George
John Jr.
Carmen (TWINS MUH FUCKKAAAAA!)
Regina
Kiki
Lee
Mark
John II
Tammi (Yes. After the prostitute.)
Brendon
Diane
Frank is the baby, at 3 years old.


So with Carmen as the middle child and yet a baby twin (Fuck yeah I'm the baby twin), and each child less than or barely over a year apart, Carol's vagina is a big as the grand canyon, and John has found a new baby's mama, for his drama.


THE EENNNNDDDDD


Oh, and for the skeptics? Here's a picture of the cast prostitutes, fat stepmother Diane and my dad (Photo is OOOLLLLDDDD). My mom's the tall lanky one next to the whale.



HOLY SHIT, YES. YOU SEE THAT? THAT'S NOT LIL JOHN, THAT'S MY DAD.

And yeah, THAT'S "DRANK" IN HIS CUP.

 

Hahaha, yes. And I can happily say that I came out a HELL of a lot better than they did.