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Think I'm truly going insane.

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by Budwisesir, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. #1 Budwisesir, Apr 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2010
    I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

    Recently I reviewed myself and I've come to the conclusion that I pretty much have a neutral view on everything. It's not because I don't care, it's simply because there's no point. Also, lately I've been seeing shit out of my corner vision. Sometimes I'll see some even weirder shit that can't possibly be in this reality. When I say 'weird shit' I mean stuff I, myself can't even comprehend or put in words. It's sort of like.. a very mild hallucination.

    I'm not schizo and I'm not experiencing depersonalization, I can guarantee you that. I do not hear voices in my head and I do not feel as if my life is a movie.

    I've tried to find an answer for my deranged mind. Maybe it's buddha speaking to me.. Perhaps it's a spirit contacting me.. Maybe It's god itself trying to let me know it's here.

    What it is... I don't know. But I can see it, I can touch it and it can touch me. I can literally feel it crawl across my skin.

    Am I going insane GC? :(
  2. Nah dude you're not going insane haha I've been feeling out of sorts lately as well hence me being on here a lot. Shit I haven't even felt like answering my homies phone calls its fucked up. I just feel like a lot of people are fucked up right now not even worth associating with for a while. Plus I'm moving to Illinois this summer and most of my friends don't even know I just haven't told them for some reason. I'm not real happy with where I'm at right now, but man, I know in the next year I will have my shit together just as happy as I was in high school. I'm just stuck here in between for now and it's been affecting my friendships. I feel like I want to have a good time with my friends without weed being the main priority until I move, but my friends just work and smoke work and smoke. Shitty imma have to get my fuckin priorities straight and it's bugging me thinking about how I can't just do it all now.

    Sorry for the rant hope you can identify with my struggles
  3. #4 Budwisesir, Apr 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2010
    Shit I should've known somebody was going to suggest I'm apathetic.

    To tell you the truth, yes, I am a little apathetic (Who's not?). But not when it comes to other humans or animals or anything living for that matter. I do not do nitrous (Once in a blue moon I'll do a whip-it) My sense of smell and taste is up to par. My dad is/was? an anemic, so I'm guessing I probably am too. The odd thing is, I had my BP checked 3 days ago and it's perfectly fine. I should also mention that my diet consists of healthy foods and none of that MSG, fructose corn syrup shit etc.

    Thanks for assisting me, I appreciate your time and efforts.

    Hmm, maybe I should mention what the crawling sensation feels like. You ever get that 'spine tingling eerie' feeling? It's like that except it moves all across my body in rapid waves. Sometimes after the waves are complete I'll feel a very warm and euphoric feeling inside my chest. It's kinda... complicated to explain in detail. Anyways, sometimes I'll even feel this weird pressure right in the middle of my hand. As if something very small in size but decent in weight layed upon it.
  4. (I pm'd you some annoying stuff:)) Something like a warm, heavy marble? Is that both hands, or just your dominate hand?
  5. Thanks for that buddy. :)
    Mostly it's my dominant hand but sometimes it will switch to the other one or both. And yes, it does feel like a small, heavy marble.
  6. For a long time, I've been mostly inside my house. The only contact I get is with 3-4 people, tops.

    There's no crazy, just different.

    Shit, I look behind the shower curtain everytime I enter the bathroom. I'm a paranoid fucker.
  7. You need to see a doctor dude.
  8. Try spending more time with at least one person.
  9. Hey vinvin :)

    It's not because I lack communication with people, I am indeed an introvert but I very much like it that way. I use to look behind the shower curtain too but I'm really not that paranoid anymore. I conquered that fear, just like spiders.. use to scare the shit out of me... now I don't even mind them.
  10. That's another really common paresthesia-probably a lot of people here have had that one, so no worries. The "heavy wiggling gerbil" is worse...
  11. Gah, that's a problem.

    Honestly, of all the people I know I find each and everyone of them alot less mature than me. It's like a 28 year old hanging out with a bunch of 16 year olds. :\

    I really don't care what goes on in their lives either, which makes me pretty boring, needless to say... I've heard it all before.

    Take this for example-

    Friend tells me he had a threesome with two hot chicks.
    I know for a fact he wants me to congratulate him on his newly found accomplishment.
    (Which makes it hard for me to find anything interesting if I already know the outcome)
    But really, I just want to tell him "Ain't nothing I haven't done before" or "you probably caught an STD."

    But, if I said that.. well, you know.. I'd be an asshole.
  12. I just find that most of the people I know are too caught up in what other people are doing. I could give a shit about what most of the people I know are doing. When you take it to the level of caring about what celebrities are doing (like my mom and most women) it is kind of scary. I think that people really like me because of this quality. I don't get excited about all the dumb ass shit they do, but I keep a level head and am always respectful. Plus I can talk sports forever with knowledgeable fans (which could qualify as following celebrities, therefore making me a hypocrite?) hahaha
  13. stop doing drugs
  14. The heavy wiggling gerbil :laughing:

    Here's the thing though.. I only experience these sensations whenever I see these hallucinations come into play. (I'm not even sure if they're hallucinations to be honest)

    If you drop a stone into a pond you know how it makes the ripple rings in the water? That's sort of like how one of these specific hallucinations look like. Except the rippled rings emit from both sides of my field vision and when they meet eachother in the middle they conjoin into one and that one eventually floats upwards out of my vision and repeats itself.
  15. I really want to do shrooms. I believe if I do I'll have an answer to all this non-sense.
  16. Yep, me too. I could care less if lady gaga has a dick or not. I find most sports to be boring.. unless fighting or racing is involved.. but I don't even keep tabs on that, let alone any other media garbage.
  17. I'm insane. It kicks fuckin ass
  18. [​IMG]

  19. I'm not insane, but my personallity is too fucked up to tolerate and prolonged human contact.

    Have you been sleeping of late? I've had insomnia for the last two months.. Those little squiggles and shit in my eye are happening morethen they should. My peripheral vision is a smear of color. I can't see anything unless I focus on it.. And I get this tingly feeling up my whole body too, but only when I take a leak so idk. (edit- lol, I was being factious, had to add..)
    Maybe because I've been smoking pot since before I hit puberty and my brain developed all fucked up and wrong...

    Oh well, that sounds pretty hardcore to me..

    Are the symptoms negative? Do you care? Couldn't hurt to talk to someone in the ol' medical proffesion.

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