Dogs "Pet Peeves" 1. When you walk away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your farts on me.....NOT funny! 3.Yelling at me for barking, I'm a friggin' DOG you idiot! 4.How you naively believe that the stupid CAT isn't all over EVERYTHING while you're gone! (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?) 5.Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out!! Exactly who's walk is this anyway? 6. Any "trick" that involves balancing food on my nose.....STOP THAT!! 7.Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on the carpet, why'd you buy carpet? 8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. SORRY, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.....idiot! 9.How you act disgusted when I lick myself, look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous! 10. Dog sweaters, have you noticed...I have FUR! Dumbass! 11. Any grooming that involves bows or ribbons! Now you know why I chew your shit up when your not home! 12.When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?? 13. Taking me to the Vet. for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back! 14.The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. ok, you fooled a DOG! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you jerk! 15 Invisable fences. Why do you insist on screwing with our minds???? To my knowledge, dogs haven't solved the VISABLE fence yet!