Thermite Growbox (if iq is below 145 go away)

The title may give some indication as to my intents to those pyromaniacs out there, but, in all reality I simply plan to design a safe, radio activated, and discreet place to grow plants of a certain nature. My design will be simple; although it may take a couple of days to draw up the schematics (already started on Google sketch-up), make safe tests (as safe as , and finally build it.

Disclamer-

I am a raving lunatic that you should pay no attention to unless you yourself are like me. If you have the misfortune of being like me you should seek help instead of reading this thread and go away. This is completely hypothetical, and all of the pictures that will be posted here are non-functional, aesthetic stage props at a comedy sitcom. While in an alternate universe another version of me may in fact be building a usable model, the me in this universe refuses to accept any credit for your own mistakes/ poor planning. If someone were to make this half-assed funding will get them killed, and my evil doppelganger has experience building doomsday devices. This is for single plants. If it misfires or doesn't fire at all when you see the aliens coming to abduct you they will have more reason to and call you a terrorist to their home-world. If some idiot loses property because of this, they are an idiot and I hold no responsibility for this. Don't even consider this till there is photographic evidence and a schematic posted. Now that I have probably covered my bases ,and if not tell me what I missed, here goes.


Materials (incomplete March/12/2010): Do NOT cheap out on the materials; my doppelganger didn't and neither should your frogs. I also have enough money and free time for this. Most people don't.

1. A brain riddled with common sense, paranoia, and intelligence.
2. A place to construct and leave it there with minimal alien monitoring away from home
2. Be a pyrotechnition with years of experience.
3. Clay, lots and lots of clay, about 200 pounds of it. Or a structurally stable brick box.
4. Sand, enough to fill the bottom of the container a frog that resembles me lives near a beach so I didn't get the exact amount.
5. A ladder, self explanatory
6. Water proof air tight bags
7. Thermite
8. Rope and 4 pulleys. Rope should be 3x the height of the growbox's height.
9. Solar power
420. What I'm smoking
10. Duct Tape
11. Magnesium ribbon
12. Fans (they will be destroyed if it works in the time of crisis and are not to slow the reaction)
13. Silicon glue to keep the bags waterproof with wires in them, or plumbers putty.


As I said my concept is simple (and completely hypothetical). Get a very tall and narrow ceramic container. If you are building the box I expect you to be experienced in wedging and working with clay, and knowing how thick it will need to be so that it will be structurally stable. The base should be 2x2 ft, and the height should range between 5 and 7 ft depending on the nature of said plant. The taller it is the more expensive it will be (more buck for the boom). 6 inches from the top of the box drill 3 evenly space holes with a 1 in radius on each of the 4 sides, then drill nine 3 inch radius holes at the top. Remember if alien dies from an explosion when they come to abduct you, not only did you kill a sentient being, but, you will probably be filled with magical holes like the ones you didn't drill (the number will be more then the IQ in the thread title) and called a threat to their home-planet. The box MUST have a floor made with the same materials as walls.

Do not forget to make the top removable, yet secure. I recommend that you do not build this if you didn't think of that during the previous paragraph. If you did think about access to the plants (I congratulate you) then you should probably fasten the lid down with semi removable HEAVY duty bolts (you won't visit your garden every day located in the land of the free will you?). Attach the pulleys to the holes in the lid and to a wooden board on the bottom of the box. Now you have a way to open the container and lift your plants up. If you can't figure out how to pull it up evenly and not let it fall over I advise that you give up and sell as much of the material as you can or use it for other purposes, but grooved rails work nicely. Fill the box with 1 ft of sand, in total it should be 4 sq ft of sand (hurray basic math).

Repeat of disclaimer. Thermite when mixed to the proper ratio heats up to and over 2500 degrees Celsius. This as you can probably guess is hot enough to turn everything in the box into iron soup without destroying our clay box (my goal). When this reaction starts there is no turning back. If you made it wrong and it explodes or duds out you are fucked no questions asked. I can assure you that what you are miraculously beyond lucky if you only loose a little skin if that soup touches you (I miss my pinky toe and the one right next to it). I will not tell you how to make thermite or start the reaction, I fully expect anyone who attempts this to be completely knowledgeable about this substance on their own. I will tell you where to place the thermite, In a long plastic bag (condom) fill it completely with thermite and rig the wires and magnesium for detonation. Test it FAR away from anyone or anything several times in a ceramic pot of packed sand. Wrap the condom around the bottom a tall stick when testing to assure that it completely destroys the stick (it will if you place it right). Shove another more packed thermite dick into the dirt of the flour pot. When this one goes the roots should also. Have a more flat bag on the roof of the growbox filled with 1-2 pounds of thermite. This will melt the growlight, and get rid of the rest of the plant. I am only saying to place such a large amount because I do not know the size of the plants you will be growing, the wider the plant, the wider the bag.

In a couple of days I will post my design. This is just the concept post. In a couple of months someone else that I am completely not related to will post pictures of the construction from a secure location where I can not be traced back to (internet cafe). After I post the 2-d design I will have the 3-d model saved. I will email this to anyone who asks for it (again from a secure location). If you are afraid of aliens you should view this thread in the same state that I wrote it, with paranoia and extreme caution.

Now for a good J.

P.S. Mods please delete or lock this thread if I do not post the 2d design with proper instructions and materials by the Tuesday after this post. I don't want anyone to hurt themselves as I know that there are people here willing to take risks.

 

Lol good one. I genuinely hope that life goes well for you and that you are never subjected to the terrors that others have been by the government. Thing take time to plan if you are going to do it correctly. Now despite your obvious doubt that I have any credibility I can guarantee that there is nothing in those designs that would not work. I thought that I had made it clear in the post that it would be impractical for most people. There are people who are 13 who might try this and hurt themselves which is why I used so much repetition in the warnings and made it lengthy.
Now while the purpose of this idea may remain obscure to you, the government does break down peoples doors for growing a fucking plant. Ridiculous I know. The whole point of this post was to give people an idea of how to make emergency procedures on how to dispose of their plants in worst case scenarios. I have seen what happens first hand when people can't dispose of their plants under those cases, and trust me when I say that there is almost nothing more scary then seeing your neighbors front door splintered and windows shattered in the middle of the night while they are dragged away as if they were a murderer I mean it. While people make their own more reasonable plans I will continue on my insanely expensive but rewarding plan.