Okay Grasscity, I need some advice. This situation is confusing to me in the fullest. So I met this girl like 6 months ago in one of my classes at college, we hit it off a lot, started hanging out. Apparently she had JUST started dating someone a little after we had met, but we still walked home together, talked a lot, so on so forth. Knowing she has a boyfriend, I have no intentions of getting with her. Now, to add to complications of the situation, she starts telling me about some of the things this guy does - for instance - saying they can't be in an 'official relationship' until they have sex. I'm like whatever that is douchebagish, but I'm not going to say anything other than nod and give her some advice because I don't want to get into that, nor seem like I'm trying to break the two of them up (because I'm not.) So, time goes on, one night she calls me drunk saying how her boyfriend is out talking to some other chicks, she is tired of being secondary, blahblah. She isn't trashed - but she is definitely slightly drunk. I'm like whatever, then she starts talking about how she is sorry for flirting with me so much - I tell her I don't care and I'm sure I flirt back. She asks me what I think of her and I say she is a chill, cute girl but I don't want to come between her and her boyfriend. She says we should just go with the flow and hang out more. (keep in mind this is like end of the semester) So we keep in touch over break, don't hang out since she lives like an hour away from me, next semester starts and she is still complaining about her boyfriend and how they always argue and how he treats her like shit. I ask why she is with him, she says she doesn't want to leave him she cares about him too much. She asks if I want to come smoke next week, she'll pitch on whatever I get, and that she wants to hang out, I say I'm definitely down. I go through some hoops to find some weed, then I ask her if she wants to wake and bake next morning, she says she has class. Fine, I say how about tomorrow, etc. No reply. No reply the next day when I text her. We never end up hanging out. I'm not going to text someone who blows me off. Now I do like this girl, but right now I'm thinking I'm just going to ignore her from now on. Not to mention the lack of judgment with her boyfriend makes me cautious. Then again when people care about other people, they do stupid things to stay together. *shrug* So what should I do grasscity?? Just say fuck her, never attempt to talk to her again? I really don't like being dicked off, especially when this girl is the one who wanted to hang out and smoke. On that note, it is really hard to find a chill girl who smokes weed, and I'm no pimp. Did I mention how chill this girl is? I honestly can't tell what the fuck she wants. Should I just move on?? Should I wait to see what happens with her boyfriend?? Thanks for reading all of that, and I appreciate the advice. Right now I'm just thinking move on, though I've been doing that for a few years now...*sigh*
Stylezzzz! how it been bro!!! u know sumthin, i been around those situations. n dosent matter how much i try to get her to understand she deserve better. she wouldent leave him. so i left her!! i got tired of her crap. she knew wat was the problem, but yet she would look over it! sum day she will learn tho. but by then u pro have a ladee u love.. but if u really care for her. be str8 foward. she gets mad, oh well. sooner or later she will realise u were rite!
I'm good dude =). Glad to hear you are having a baby, hope you are ready for it, my best friend is also having a baby, and they are excited, but definitely overwhelmed, hah. Well, I've thought about it, but I really hate getting in between other people in relationships, even if he is a shitty boyfriend. I know how I'd feel if some dude tried to get between me and a girlfriend (then again I don't treat girls badly).
Stylez! Here's my advice, although it might be a little complicated. If you like her/care about her and her boyfriend treats her like shit/she's always miserable... Stop caring about potentially getting in between the two of them. Tell her exactly what's on your mind and your opinion on the situation. Tell her how you feel. It's clear she has feelings for you, but she's just afraid to leave her comfort zone for something she's not sure will be better. It's a stupid girl thing. She's miserable, but doesn't want to risk leaving him for someone she's not 100% sure about. You need to tell her she's not being treated right, and what she deserves, and that you could give it to her, but make it perfectly clear that you refuse to be the bad guy, and would never do anything until she was free of him. If it's someone you truly care for, and you see her hurting all the time, you need to not be afraid to break up her current relationship. It's not like it's a healthy relationship. Even if things don't work out between you and her at least you will have done her a great favor. If she does leave her boyfriend, don't try and jump into something with her immediately. Build it up slowly. It's More respectable that way. However, if after telling her explicitly that she deserves better than her boyfriend, she still refuses to see it and leave him even though you can see she's miserably. Stop wasting your time and move on. My one caveat: there's a chance that you're already friend zoned, and she's truly just looking to you for guy friend advice and flirting with you because she doesn't get that 'special' feeling in her own relationship, but flirting and somewhat leading you on because she likes the feeling of feeling wanted since she doesn't get that with her own boyfriend. Also, if you two did work out, there's a chance that she could pull the same shit with you whenever things get a little rocky.
Thanks, Zoranj, your advice is always spot on and I'd give you some rep if I didn't need to spread it around. I also see your caution as a possibility, as much as that disappoints me. The thing is I wouldn't even mind being this chicks friend and that only - but if that is all she wanted I wish she wouldn't flirt with me from the start. Women who send mixed signals drive me insane. I think you are right. I need to tell her exactly what is up and if she can't see it, time to move on. At this point my first thought was simply moving on in general, so it is worth a shot. And your last sentence makes me wonder, also. I would never treat a woman like this guy supposedly does, but then again, perhaps she is just exaggerating things for attention, like you were saying. Thanks again.
A lot of women like to string guys along so they have an ace-in-the-hole just in case things go sour with their current partner. They usually do this with their ex's but she might be keeping you in reserve, knowing that her current relationship is failing. I'd bet a paycheck that even though she's being wishy-washy with you now, if she does break up, she'll run straight to you. Be careful mango...I think you're being played for her future reference.
how many women don't try to play that shit? Trick is figuring out which signal is what they're trying to cover up, and it usually is the one that sounds like the slip and doesn't come up too oftern. Or atleast thats how I've come to see things, and I usually know where things are going well before they're comfortable talking about it. God bless poker in that regard lol. I think she's just afraid to end the current relationship. Give a little push in that direction and I'm willing to bet she'll be yours. I wouldn't just flat out say you want her to break up, and you have feelings, etc. Just start playing prosecutor and dig into why this guy is a POS, and make sure to relay that what he is doing is some serious BS. Continue to beat into her head that you KNOW she can do better, not "think." Think=someone else she hasn't met, Know=you/someone you know. She probably just blew you off cause she is worried about where its going and is torn. Time for you to step your game up and get yours. Don't shy away from making a move on a kiss, its college, fuck it. Treat the relationship like a nuisance when your with her rather than a problem and thatll help. Good luck and happy hunting!
Yay, a Stylez! My opinion, such as it is, is also from very recent experiences: It's not completely out of the question, my friend. Some women, and I do mean some, stay in unsatisfying, even abusive relationships because they are under the assumption that their partner can change. Your lady friend's boyfriend was probably the epitome of the perfect guy for the first few months of their relationship, but his mask was made of wax - eventually it melted, and the real asshole she started dating was quickly revealed. When it comes to this situation, it's all a matter of playing the waiting game. Eventually they will probably get into a series of decently proportioned fights, and maybe even make-up a few times, but this guy's habits will come to the surface again and again. He won't be able to help himself... she'll probably come to you in this instance and say, 'Well, I still love him... I'm just not in love with him.' Things then progress as they should after that, there's no handbook for how anyone handles it from there... If it doesn't progress to this point, and it doesn't seem like she is showing any signs of leaving this guy, you really have one of two options: directly tell her that the mixed signals need to stop on a dime, or that you simply won't be around any longer. It's all a matter of being more direct than someone who is being as patient and gentlemanly as you are typically is. Give her time to think about it, take Zoranj's advice on what to tell her about how this guy is treating her, and just take it a day at a time. If it falls through, simply move on. Good luck, buddy.
bro im in the exact same situation man. this girl is ALWAYS talking to me about how shitty her boyfriend is and hes always faded and shit, so all im doin is talkin to her about it and seein how things go, she wants to roll with me and shit so..you just gotta go with the flow and see where things take you man
You sound like a chill ass dude. I would suggest that you give her some space (for now). And if she really is interested in you, she'll hit you up eventually. I honestly get the feeling that she loves this dick-of-a-boyfriend, but is naive enough to stay with him, which says a lot.. Even though she flirts with you, and gives you subtle hints, I also kind of feel that you give off that "nice guy" vibe.. and she's taking advantage of that, a bit. (or I may be wrong, sorry.) And sometimes women complain to other men about their boyfriends, just for the attention. Just saying. (even if she is chill as shit.) Don't come off too strong, unless you are sure her feelings for you are genuine, because (worst-case scenario) she may have been stringing you along, and really has no intentions of leaving her boyfriend anytime soon.. Don't try to be her romeo, either.. because if she dumped her boyfriend for you, would you really think it wise, or a healthy stepping stone to starting your relationship, together? You also sound bright enough to not get too attached, so I'm positive you'll overcome this bump in the road. Good luck.
^^^ THIS!!! You beat me to it bro... but on that note, don't harp on the girl about it... Next time you talk to her, bring up all the shit you want to say, but only say it once, and leave it alone after that... If she's a smart girl, she'll ponder the shit you told her, and she'll leave the guy because she knows you're better for her... or someone is better for her if not you. Tell her, and walk away... that's it... that's all you can do.
ya man just give her space until she contacts you first. forreal. it may be hard because you do like her but if she likes you at all, she will get back to you for sure. ride it out man if it doesnt work out then so be it. theres plenty of other girls out there