The Strangest Place Your Dick Has Ever Been

I wonder how many mothers have come home and sat down and were like, "How did this stain get on the couch?"
I say mothers because I assume the fathers would know Exactly how it got there

 

When I was 14 I tried soaping an empty glass beer bottle and sticking my dick trough where you drink. Didn't work so well

 

not to toot my own horn but im pretty sure I was rockin a 4 inch cock i matured a lot faster then most had a mustache in like 4th grade and i think she just needed to get her tits sucked and her couch played with since she taught me that first

 

*TOOT TOOT *
Oh ok Mr. Big Stuff thanks for clearing that one up but I'm still convince she was feinng .....wait what did she look like?.... I'm just wondering WHY she was reduced to molesting an 8 year old when I'm sure there was LEGAL aged cock in Colombia lol

Then again you just might have that MOJO that the hunnies just CAN'T resist
Play on player

 

umm a girls feet

lol you guys have sex with strange objects

 

*Get's dick stuck in beer bottle*

Dispatch: *Calls 9-11 - "Yes what is your emergency?"*

Kid: "Well I'm a horny little kid and thought I would try to fuck a beer bottle. I lubed it up real good and jammed that fucker in there, but when the glass touched by knob i got a boner and now my wee wee is stuck in my beer bottle!!"

Dispatch: "*Laughs* *Laughs* "Holy fuck guys, I got some kid on here saying he stuck his dick in a beer bottle and now he can't get it out!"

Dispatch: "*Still laughing* Ok Sir I have the fire department on the way, they should assist you with your penis disaster that you have created."

 

Wide mouth sports bottle.
Squeezed the air out it to create negative pressure, touched the tip to the lip and let the bottle expand. It was like having a boner with no effort.

...but then I got hard and had to eventually poke a hole in the bottom to break the air seal to pull out hahaha...sigh.

 

My booty hole breh

 

Countless truck stop glory holes...jk, jk..

 

thought this was relevant due to a previously told story:

 

Hoola hoop.. tried doing it with my dick when I was drunk.
Didn't work.

Just kidding it did.