The shittiest moment of your life? Let off some steam.

Here is the story of the shittiest moment of my life.

Alright before I get to the story let me give you a little warning that this is graphic, gross, very detailed, and completely true.

The words used in this story are used to captivate, not exaggerate nor disgust. I am simply giving a detailed description of literally the worst day at work I have ever had.

I figure that some good can come from this experience and I hope that you find it funny, or at least entertaining. Please don't feel bad for me as I have gotten over it long ago. I am sharing this in order to entertain people who I assume will find it pretty amusing.

Now on to the story.....


Working at the grocery store was going alright that day. Not too much was going on and we weren't that busy. Bagging groceries was a pretty easy job and from time to time I would also take carts in from the lot. I was the fastest bagger and the fastest at taking carts in so I figured that I would have a little immunity from cleaning the floors or organizing the shelves. Both were activities that I did not like to do so much as it hurt my back to clean floors bent over and I was never very good at knowing where everything in the store went.
I was making a trip to the bathroom as I had drank quite a large amount of water while doing the lot (taking carts inside). It was very hot that day so I was making sure to stay hydrated. On my way there I passed the cooler filled with energy drinks and noticed that someone had left a piece of mulch on the floor. Thinking nothing of it, I walked past and continued in to take care of business.

Once my business was taken care of I washed my hands and came out of the bathroom feeling good and about ready to head back to the front when something else caught my attention.

As I walked past the women's restroom I couldn't help but feel that the air felt funny on my nose. Not quite like it had an odor, but it felt more humid that normal, even warm. I continued on hoping that it was just my imagination and came across that piece of mulch yet again. Someone had slipped on it and left a skid on the floor.

This was no piece of mulch.

I decided to leave it there for someone else. I was not going to deal with that today, not again. I started to walk back to the front of the store to get back to my job when I thought I heard something behind me. When I turned around to see what it was, a woman was beckoning me towards her. I gave her a confused look and her beckoning quickened. Walking over to her, she looked around for a moment before whispering in my ear,

"Sir, there is a problem in the women's restroom."

"What kind of problem, miss?" I asked, unsure what she was talking about.
She then answered in a way that caused my gut to wrench,

"A very big problem," she said in a hushed tone.

Following her to the women's bathroom she stopped before coming to the door and pointed at it.

"You better check it out." she said.
She checked to be sure that no one was in there before leaving me to it. I approached the door.

The air had now become warmer, more humid, and it stunk. Not in the "someone just pooped and didn't turn on the fan" way, more in the "someone has literally turned their intestines inside out" way.

As I opened the door, a wall of hot air hit me in the face as it rushed to escape from the hellhole that was the women's bathroom.
I dared to inhale. As I did the putrid smell of a thousand raging shits bombarded my nostrils with their shit-stink artillery harder than a nuclear shit-splosion. Backing away, I knew I was not prepared to venture forth right at that time, but the challenge was accepted.

I left to go get a couple wet floor signs in order to keep people from walking on the poop in front of the energy drink cooler and to keep people out of the bathroom. Once this was done I went to tell the front desk that someone had destroyed the women's bathroom. I was not about to take this challenge alone.

As they were looking for someone to help me out with what they thought was a small accident, I ventured forth. Daring to take the first steps of this quest, I returned to the bathroom and went inside fully, closing the door behind me.

What happened then could be described as a near death experience for me. I nearly fell on the floor and I lost my vision for what was but a moment, but it was a moment too much as I stepped into the first pile of shit on the floor just inside the bathroom door.

Nearly slipping and falling back first into the next pile, I regained my balance. Dignity stayed with me and helped me up to take on what I feared might be my last challenge.

It was time to inspect the damage.

What I witnessed was far worse than I could have ever imagined. Not only was the excrement all over the floor, but it made a definitive trail to the handicap stall. Being very careful of where I stepped I continued on, taking small breaths until the smell subsided and I was able to think clearly. As I came to the stall door I slowly swung it open, worried that I might touch part of the door that had been covered in what was clearly a large anal explosion.

The door opened in slow motion as my brain needed more time to process the amount of poop being registered by my eyes. Human brains simply aren't designed to witness such things. As the door revealed more and more of the stall, my eyes watered and my disbelief waxed. Not only had the person who did this missed the toilet, but they had missed the floor.

Literally, shit was piled up the walls to my waist (I am 6'5") and the smell form this stall trumped all previous smells I had encountered throughout the course of my life. In the corner sat a mudpie the likes of which was double the size of my largest shit alone. Not only that but the entire toilet, and I mean the ENTIRE toilet, was brown and running down to the floor around it.

I heard the door to the bathroom squeak open and I turned to see who was going to take on this level 100 quest with me. As the door swung, I heard a slight gagging noise as the person pushing it struggled to contain their lunch. They failed. I saw the spray of vomit come into the bathroom through the crack as they failed all over the floor. Not seeing where it had come from, the door closed and I was left there alone once more. I don't think they even knew I was there.

The fact that I was now alone in this venture would have to wait though, as a new horror had caught my attention. I had truly thought it was not possible to be any worse than what it was when I saw the sink next to the door for the first time. Like the toilet, it was brown inside and dripping around the edges, completely clogged with a pair of very large and very soiled women's underwear draped over the side, half submerged in shit. Walking over to the sink I looked into the mirror and had a brief moment of panic as I thought that I was covered in speckles of crap while I looked into the reflective glass. Luckily, as I needed some luck, it was just all over the mirror.

After washing my shoe in the other sink I left to round up all cleaning supplies I could find. This being a grocery store, I found many and over the course of the next 3 hours I cleaned the bathroom, by myself, with my dignity barely holding on to me as it struggled to stay alive.

I left that day without saying a word and never returned.



It turned out that an old woman who had been in the hospital for a month did this. The drugs she took during her stay made her very constipated. In order to fix this once she left she had been prescribed some very powerful laxatives and she took them before going shopping thinking they would not act as fast as they did. Needless to say this was full-on retard, and you never go full-retard.

If you seriously have questions or are curious about the story then think again. If you have thought again and still want to ask, then I suppose you can ask.

 

I love your puns.


You are all very welcome and I am glad you liked it. I was going to head to bed but I had to check and see the immediate reception. I put a lot of time into this today to make sure all the details were worked out.

Thanks for reading! I'll probably bump in the morning after class. I really don't mind questions so if you are curious then ask. I'm kind of curious about what you might ask me honestly.