This is the real-life account of the story of Jesus Christ and the Easter Tradition: You see, Jesus Christ was crucified and then put in a cave with a large stone covering the door. But little did the Romans and Jews know, there was a rabbit in the cave as well. This cave also happened to be where the rabbit stored the eggs he found throughout Golgotha. When they closed up the cave and left Jesus with the bunny, the bunny got pissed off. It was his cave! Now he couldn't get out and it smelled like a dead guy all the time. Plus he only had twelve eggs left, which means he would have to go to out and find some more in the next few days. Since he couldn't move the stone, the bunny decided the only one who could was a human, and the only human he had was dead. So the mighty magical rabbit gathered his eggs in a small pool of water and shat all over them. But he was a magic bunny, so his shit stained the eggs in various hues of the colors of the rainbow. Upon being stained by magical bunny shit the eggs began to vibrate intensely. This intense vibration generated a large amount of heat (causing the eggs to hard-boil) and created an explosion, sending the shell fragments flying and causing the magic of the bunny shit to fly out and enter Jesus Christ's heart. The magic forced Jesus' heart to start pumping, jolting him back to life. Jesus took the next two days to recover, using the hard-boiled eggs for sustenance. On the third day Jesus decided it was time to leave. But Jesus (being the son of god) was well aware that the bunny had saved him. So Jesus said "Lo, thine good deed was witnessed by the eyes of my father. Though thoust shan't rejoice. Ye, you are but a simple rabbit, and have not the means to gather currency. Therefore these eggs were stolen. You have sinned against the word of the LORD and all of mankind. But I shall grant you penance rabbit, as your soul needn't rest in the hands of Satan, but in the kindness of God's heart." So Jesus crafted a basket out of the linens he was wrapped in upon his death. He lined the basket with grass the bunny had used to line his bed. He forged a handle from twigs he found lying about the cave. And then Jesus placed the bunny in the basket and placed the basket upon the slab where Jesus' body had lain for three days prior. And then Jesus spoke: "Let ye be free of sin and let your soul go on to promote the good will and prosperity of mankind, and the name of God the Father for all of time." Jesus placed a hand on the bunny and concentrated hard, calling to his Father for assistance. Then, a glorious light shone forth from where the rabbit was sitting, bathing the entire cave in a holy golden warmth. Jesus Christ then left the cave, leaving behind him only a few tattered pieces of cloth, and a basket containing a package of yellow Marshmallow Peeps and a dozen Cadbury Creme Eggs.