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The official "Lighting farts on fire" post!!!

Discussion in 'Pandora's Box' started by TooSicKs, May 27, 2003.

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  1. Okay, the time has come, it\'s finally here!

    Q:Are farts flammable?
    A:You can bet your ass they are!

    Okay, here\'s tha rizzle on tha shizzle, one day, back in \"tha day\" like when we was like 17 and shizz, i was sittin\' at my friend\'s house, and there was the usual hood crew there, everybody just finished up a mad sesh and was all ripped. I din\'t toke then but it is quite possible i had tha con\'tac\'hi goin\' on, well, i was sitting there and after all that taco bell i ate, i had a mad one brewin\' up. Well, in an instant flash of brilliance, a moment of pure genius, i saw a lighter sitting on the table. I leaned over, grabbed the lighter, and in one smooth motion i lifted up one leg, sparked that fucker, and let one rip that would be eligible for a world record if such a thing exists. A true monster blast to really be proud of.

    Anyways, i swung the flame right up against my shorts in line with the poopchute and to my absolute amazement a GIANT fireball emerged and travelled 3 feet straight out as it floated up to the middle of the room in a rolling ball of roaring flame. The initial blast was enough to blow yer hair back and make ya feel th shockwave, and the sound was loud enough to be heard all through the house. People were running out of bedrooms, kitchen, and bathroom to ask \"What the fuck blew up?!?!?!?!\"

    Now mind you, I wasn\'t alone in the room, there were no less than 6 people sittin around the circle all baked.

    I looked up and saw 6 stoners staring at me with jaws dropped and eyes as big as dinner plates with the \"WTF?\" look on their faces. Finally someone was like \"holy fuckin shit did that just happen?\"

    Now right about this moment is when i felt like the coolest person on the fuckin planet! Fuckin\' sweet i can shoot a fucking exploding fireball outta my bunghole!!!

    I am GOD, I FUCKIN\' RULE!

    Well, after everybody regained the sense of what happened we were all fuckin\' cracking up and half the dawgs chillin there were like \"how tha fuck did you do that?\" Anyways by this time i had a smaller one on deck and i said \"like this\" picked up the lighter and blasted out a blowtorch like flame next, it burned kinda green and purplish and made a \"whoosh\" sound. It was nowhere near as big or as impressive as the first monster (which remains my record to date) but nonetheless everybody was pretty fuckin\' tripped out. We went outside (it was dark) for obvious reasons and proceeded to have a \"contest\". I became a legend in the hood after this and i perfoemed this at all kinds of house parties to the simultaneous amazement and horror of the crowds. A couple of chicks were actually turned on by it, and i was truly scared of any chick who found my \"talent\" sexy.

    Anyways, the point of this post, yes this works. How many of you have seen or done this? Come on, ya gotta admit that at one time or another you wondered about this, it\'s a universal question of life, and like it or not you thought about it.

    Here\'s what i suggest. Eat lots o bean burritos with fire sauce, eat till you\'re full then eat one more. Jump around and shake the shizzle up real good, and if it helps you kinda use your ahnds to shake your stomach up. When you got a good one up on deck, while laying on the floor, lift your legs and try to elevate yer ass. Get the lighter right up to your shorts which should be pulled tight and put the flame right on the material, a big flame, a few inches below so it don\'t blow out, and the tip of the flame is in the gas stream. Let\'er rip!


    Wear thin denim or thick cargos and try to get the seam to the side.
    Make sure you blast out a good solid one, you don\'t want a backdraft, trust me

    Once you start keep going, don\'t \"sputter\" or you risk a backdraft

    If you don\'t know what a backdraft is, yes, it\'s what you think it is, don\'t let it happen.

    If you still don\'t know, a backdraft is when the flame travels INWARD and can create \"some discomfort\"

    D I S C L A I M E R
    Finally, i assume no responsibilty or liability for any injuries, physical or mental, and/or dmages resulting from witnessing or engaging in the above activity. If you want to try, it\'s your own ass.


  2. I launched a Roman candle style fireball from my ass one time- it scared the hell out of me. I went through the whole “I am God” thing to…
    The fireball was probably about a foot in diameter.

  3. omg i snorted lemonade out my nose when i read this shit...
  4. when i was 15 we used to setup my old video camera and get \'em on tape. that way we could go around proving to people that i was really possible.:D
  5. I\'ve never done it, but a friend did once. He said it hurt like hell. Must have caught a backdraft. Mebbe I\'ll try it since I know that if you do it right you don\'t burn your arse.
  6. yeah, man, its fun at any age. all these people that say its immature and shit, i think they just dont have a sense of humor:)
  7. I should try and reapeat the 3 foot fireball for the camera for Jackass. When they come out here to film i\'ll hook ya all up with one on an episode.
  8. my dad knew someone who used to do that a lot... set his pants on fire once and it burned all the hair off his ass and legs. LOL i\'m gonna try it though. next week when i get paid i\'m going to be chomping down bean burritos until i\'m about to burst! :D

    by the way... it\'s the methane gas in your farts that make the fire-balls :)

    also (and this is just useless trivea knowledge)... do ya know that if it weren\'t for the chlorine being so diluted in a pool, you\'d explode if you farted. the methane from the fart would react with the chlorine causing a pretty big boom (for a comparison... it\'s the same thing that was used for the oklahoma city bomb).
  9. The Oklahoma City bombing was not methane and chlorine, it was an ANFO explosion. (ammonium nitrate fuel oil)
  10. and the million dollars goes to pyro (i guess the name applies)! the materials used in the oklahoma city bombing were a nitrate rich fertilizer, Powdered dog food, and deisel fuel, with a Potassium nitrate/solar ignitor and some water (i used to be heavily into explosives and bombs). i bet most of you are wondering \"dog food? how the fuck does dog food explode?\" well at the time of the bombing many dog foods contained sodium nitrate as a preservative. the fertilizer is allowed to dry and is them mixed with the crushed dog food, soaked in deisel, and a solid core of potassium nitrateis placed in the center, with a solar igniter attached to a bottle of water. when the solar ignitor goes off it ruptures the water tank, when the water hits the potassium nitrate, it rapidly and violently explodes causing the ammonium nitrate to explode, which is backed by the sodium nitrate (which is also reactive to water, but not at levels used in dog food). thus creating, what we bomb fanatics call, \"a big boom\":D
  11. I never was good at it. the last time I tried I was siting in the liveing room in my boxers. and just got the urge to try to light one. and when I tired I stuck my lighter to my ass. and the funny part is I forgot I was in my boxers. and right before I farted I burned A hole right through my boxers. when i farted it did flame up some. but never did somuch danceing my life! lol A friend of mine was the expert at it .he could light one and it fly across the room with a loud woosh. problly why they flame up sobad for him is when he farts just the smell would make you dry heeve! I could swear that dude was an walking stink bomb when he farts!
  12. um the other night i was lighting a bowl and had just let one fly right before then, and as im lighting the bowl, my girlfriend goes \"watch out you are going to light your fart on fire!\" or something completely retarded. man i laughed and the nugs flew right out of the bowl. it was really random

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