awhi gues moyw farst post heer. been feeling lonely the last month and just this year the mind's turning on me "you need a girl." fawghh. if anything just somebody to hang with. lol im boring as shit.
hmm.. i’m not single but have 0 friends and my family stopped calling me. i do like solitude but lately that’s been 24/7!
The family that calls me is the family I dont wanna deal with. The family that doesn't gets it lol. All of my friends live in other states so... :Shrug:
Idk how I feel about destiny anymore tbh. Ig destiny is alright if things aren’t shitty. I’m trying not to let go of the belief that I have a soulmate running around looking, waiting for me ...ignorance is bliss.
I wonder if this emptiness will ever change. Being alone is one thing. Lonely is another. I'm lonely in a crowded room yet can be the star of the show. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to listen. I need someone to confide in me. I need someone to believe in me. I need someone to believe in. I need to feel that someone cares. It's hard going through life bullshit, and the only one there for you is a God that doesn't answer back. Yeah I talk to God a lot. If he/she isn't real, I'm just talking to the sky. But at least I get out what's on my mind. If not I'd explode. But it would be nice to hear , it's gonna be ok. You're gonna be ok. It's not an I need a relationship or sex thing. It's an I'm lonely and need to not feel like this anymore thing.
Nope. You make your own path as you go. No one decides how you will turn out. You do that yourself. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I believe loneliness is universal, and it's always there, even if we don't pay attention. I think this relates back to a fear of the unknown, a fear of death, and the inability to come to terms with the battle going on within us. I'll quote Alan Watts. It's a long read but also really fascinating to think about. "There is a world of difference between an inference and a feeling. You can reason that the universe is a unity without feeling it to be so. You can establish the theory that your body is a movement in an unbroken process which includes all suns and stars, and yet continue to feel separate and lonely. For the feeling will not correspond to the theory until you have also discovered the unity of inner experience. Despite all theories, you will feel that you are isolated from life so long as you are divided within. But you will cease to feel isolated when you recognize, for example, that you do not have a sensation of the sky: you are that sensation. For all purposes of feeling, your sensation of the sky is the sky, and there is no “you” apart from what you sense, feel, and know. The sense of unity with the “All” is not, however, a nebulous state of mind, a sort of trance, in which all form and distinction is abolished, as if man and the universe merged into a luminous mist of pale mauve. Just as process and form, energy and matter, myself and experience, are names for, and ways of looking at, the same thing — so one and many, unity and multiplicity, identity and difference, are not mutually exclusive opposites: they are each other, much as the body is its various organs. To discover that the many are the one, and that the one is the many, is to realize that both are words and noises representing what is at once obvious to sense and feeling, and an enigma to logic and description. When you really understand that you are what you see and know, you do not run around the countryside thinking, “I am all this.” There is simply “all this. If the universe is meaningless, so is the statement that it is so. If this world is a vicious trap, so is its accuser, and the pot is calling the kettle black. In the strictest sense, we cannot actually think about life and reality at all, because this would have to include thinking about thinking, thinking about thinking about thinking, and so ad infinitum. One can only attempt a rational, descriptive philosophy of the universe on the assumption that one is totally separate from it. But if you and your thoughts are part of this universe, you cannot stand outside them to describe them. This is why all philosophical and theological systems must ultimately fall apart. To “know” reality you cannot stand outside it and define it; you must enter into it, be it, and feel it. So long as the mind is split, life is perpetual conflict, tension, frustration, and disillusion. Suffering is piled on suffering, fear on fear, and boredom on boredom… But the undivided mind is free from this tension of trying always to stand outside oneself and to be elsewhere than here and now. Each moment is lived completely, and there is thus a sense of fulfillment and completeness. When ... you realize that you live in, that indeed you are this moment now, and no other, that apart from this there is no past and no future, you must relax and taste to the full, whether it be pleasure or pain. At once it becomes obvious why this universe exists, why conscious beings have been produced, why sensitive organs, why space, time, and change. The whole problem of justifying nature, of trying to make life mean something in terms of its future, disappears utterly. Obviously, it all exists for this moment. It is a dance, and when you are dancing you are not intent on getting somewhere… The meaning and purpose of dancing is the dance." Alan Watts - The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety 1951
I don't think I've ever felt so lonely as I do right now. Taking steps to start the next chapter of my life. It feels different now. I feel empty and dead inside. It makes me very sad.