The Gospel According to Burdbrain

So here we are, Two Thousand and Seven years in since the biblical Vickie Pollard we know as Mary got caught with her pants down on the road to Damascus and palmed off Frank Gallagher, sorry, JOSEPH with some bullshit about an immaculate conception.
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As the story goes ‘Little Jesus’ was a bit of a remedial and was failing Math and Latin so they moved him to the Woodwork class where he became a skilled craftsman. So good in fact, that according to Mel Gibson’s Passion of The Christ, he invented the Dinning Room Table and Chairs, although his mum was skeptical and said it would never catch on!
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One story goes that his best mate ‘Little Johnny the Baptist’ was once asked by his teacher to share with the class a sentence with the word ‘contagious’ in it to highlight Leper Awareness Week. When Jesus turned up with an early prototype of his new table and chairs design, the class burst out laughing and started to mock him. Little Johnny jumped to his friends defense and reportedly said “Christ! It took that ‘cunt ages’ to think of that!”.
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After leaving School Jesus and Johnny took a gap year and went traveling. After one particular heavy drinking session racing donkeys whilst whacked on weed our hero tripped out and had visions of a talking DOG, who said he was “The Father, The Spigot and The Holy Goat”. When Jesus, being the dyslexic remedial that he was finally straightened out he took his vision as a sign to start his own cult religion, only he couldn’t spell and we now worship the “The Father, The Spirit and The Hoy Ghost” or GOD and not DOG.
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Thank DOG for dyslexia!

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