"I like my men like I like my coffee: in a burlap sack thrown over the back of a donkey." -me, at a Perkins when I was 17 (That's 14 years ago!!) at 2am high as fuck on weed and cherry coke
getting my brother high for his first time, he went into the bathroom and i hear this slamming noise, and i go in there and he's like bouncing off the walls literally yelling IM A PINGPONG BALL! he's like 6 feet tall, and the bathroom was tiny, so it was a sight to behold, had me rolling on the floor
After a long night of hitting my bong, it was time to head home. Me-Are my eyes bad? Friend- It looks like someone masturbated a shotgun until it blew its load in your eyes. Me-Shit....
smoking in my friends basment just him and me, i went to get sum food and came back and he was sitting there laughing saying "the people on the weather channel are secretly all stoned, the guy just said high" lol it was so f*kin stupid and funny ill never forget it
friend 1: please excuse those guys, they're inebriated friend 2: wtf does inebriated mean? me: its where you have a knee and its briated
One time while i was really baked.. My roomate had a dog that i didnt know about and i was just chillin in the living room and i caught that his bedroom door was opening and a dog came out.... i was like wtf is going on.. and the dog looked at me then backed right up back into his room.... i was never so confused in my life...
So, me and 2 of my friends decide to smoke a bowl before going to the movies. We smoked down the road from the theater by some railroad tracks and just chilled. We started to walk back to the car and saw a popo roll by. me- "There's bacon aboot!" friend 1- "Dude, that sounded really Canadian." friend 2- "What's a canadian??" He was deaddd serious too. He kept asking me the whole way to the movies hahah
this wasn't really a one liner more of a story... we were all super stoned one time hittin a ghetto gravity bong made out of a gallon jug in a ice cream bucket w/ a metal piece in through the cap on the jug. so i got a big hit ready for one of my friends and it happened like this me - "dude....take this" friend1 "not a chance im to...hiiiiigh" friend2 "ahhhh fuck my life" and he proceeds to take the hit by bending over it wit his head and pushing down on it, breathin in as he goes down. but we forgot about the scented candle we had lit that was right by the ice cream bucket my friends hair went up in flames like the great chicago fire of 1871 first it smoked, then WOOSH friend1 "oh shit...." me - "roll stop drop!!!" smackin the shit outta his head and eventually pouring the dirty water from the jug on his head. afterewards we looked at eachother and lol'd for about half an hour straight
haha this was a great night but i think i smoked too much weed so my friends n i smoked around 1/4 oz of sour diesel and my indian friend had one GIANT ASS costco pizza. so we munchin n i say crackin up: ur brown LOL hah he laughed his ass off then ate so much pizza he threw up and missed the toilet n then hit is head rofl
Not a one-liner, but a convo Wed split a blunt between us, some good purpe H. Were chilling and playing Gears of War. Me: Dude, pass the pretzels Friend: I can't dude, I'm asleep (hes completely awake and completely serious) Me:... No, your not Friend: (genuinely ticked off) The fuck do you know. I could be asleep Me: (laughing really hard at him) Friend: (utterly ticked off) Fuck you
one random thursday night my friend came and picked me up around 8 thirty while i turned on the shower and pretended to be in the shower. we were blazing in her car and she was trying to do homework for some reason.. and on her paper in pen she wrote "Was there when i was thefore i could not.." what she ment to say was something like I wasn't here so i could do it. i read it and and almost pissed my pants
It was my first time getting high and I'd already taken quite a few hits. I was really gone, but my friend wasn't sure I was actually blazed, this being my first time and all. I guess he thought I didn't know how to inhale properly, but I must have done it right. =D Friend: So, you know how to inhale..? Me: Uhm... uh, shit yeah! I do cigarettes all time. Friend: *Pause* You "do" cigarettes? I guess you are high... It was funny at the time, because I was pretty baked.
lol last night, we were in my basement ripping the bong. and there were 5 of us. and this one kid ripped the bong pretty hard. so he went outside and just stood there, hurtin, possibly gonna throw up. so my one friend hands me some drink and is like "he needs this". so i walk out and dont even say a word, i just hand it to him and walk back in. and the one friend who gave me the drink goes "that just saved a life" it was pretty funny
me and my friend yesterday smoking on the back porch friend: did you just hit that? me (holding the bong): ...i think so
I was sittin in my car blazin with this chick i had recently met in her driveway in front her house which was maybe twice the size of my bedroom. After 4-5 joints she says something along the lines of "you could just come stay with me for awhile" or something then i looked at her house and said one of the stupidest things of my life... "I couldnt live in that rinky dink piece of shit."... I was totally baked and thinking outloud. Luckily she laughed her ass off too but only because we were so baked.