The Dumbest/Funniest One-Liner you have ever heard someone say while HIGH

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Darkhaz3, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. #4881 SupaaBaked, Jun 6, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2015
    My friend has this nasty pool with leaves and shit in it so we were cooling off. It was too nasty to put your head under but he was a moron. Anyway he dunked his head underwater and when he came up he looked like he discovered something new. He looked dead at me and said.
    "Dude if you hold your breath underwater. It feels like your under water."

    Sorry I'm watching Maury, so they kinda repeat the one-liners a few times.
  3. #4883 Mot1ve, Jun 9, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2015
    *while looking at a baby seat in the back of a car in a parking lot we were standing next to while toking* "Bro dude i didnt know you had a kid.. the chick puerto rican white or what? "

    me: "Bro thats not my car. my cars over there *points to another car*..

    FUnniest part of all was it kinda did look like my car, bu it was clearly dark green and my car is black and he was int he car when I parked. (safe to say he was stoned) and the guy knows me well .. lol peoples brains  on good weed = fuck.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. Got MEGA Baked today bymyself at the beach. Had to ride home past people, so i started getting really paranoid. Called my friend and asked
    "Do i look high?!"
    Dead serious but She couldnt see my face cos it was just a phone call -_-
    • Funny Funny x 2
  5. Friend takes a bug hit whilst we are in a group of maybe 3 or 4. He blows it out and starts coughing horribly, to the point where tears are streaming down his cheeks. He looks up with a straight face and says,"When the weed is so good it makes you cry." We were all dying. ya kinda had to be there lol
  6. "I'd fuck the shit outta this Mac and cheese bite."
  7. 3/4 way through the blunt, friend says I'm high as fuck.

    I say I'm high, but I'm not hiiiiiiigh (high pitched I's) just hiiiiiiigh (low pitched I's).
  8. friend got super stoned while i was watching netflix and he started searching my bag of crap i brought to his house. he finds my sunflower seeds and tears the package open like a wild animal. i watch him for 5 minutes as he tries to figure out how to get the shell off. he sighs and grabs his lighter flicks it about ten times and laughs each time. im sitting here thinking what the hell is he doing. he flicks the lighter and puts it under the sunflower seed and all you can hear was a little bang. all of a sudden he jumps and screams "MY SEEDS ARE POPPING" and gets really wide eyed and stares at me with a concerned face for a minute and we started laughing our asses off and i had to teach him how to open a seed in which he replied " how the hell did you learn to do that?" that was an amazing night.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. Probably seemed funnier when I was high, but I caught up with an old friend yesterday and we had a blaze.

    I said "do my eyes look red?"
    She said " I dont think youll want to hear this, but theyre fucking purple"

    And I just lost it ahaha
  10. "Alright who stole my plunger?"
  11. "I would like to order 7 Mc'doubles."

    Have you heard someone say something that you have never forgot? :smoke:

  12. I dunno if it's just me, but 95% of these are retarded.
  13. hahahah I laughed pretty hard on that one.
  14. I remember my friend was so high and paranoid (driving without a license) that when I asked him to give me a ride home he said "idk I saw a cop today" just the fact that seeing one cop throughout the whole city scared him was the funny part.
  15. #4895 BudsMcKenzie21, Aug 25, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2015
    It's not a one liner nor did I say it but one time when I was high my uncle used the metaphor "It could be raining pussy and I'd get slapped in the head with a dick." when he was having a bad day and that just cracked me up.
  16. Holy shit this thread is still alive
  17. Who the fuck is Kate?
  18. Fish are fish, and turtles are turtles.

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