The Accident... A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer". "Okay," says the man, "That explains the blood... but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park." ---------------------------------- The Fight... My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?" "Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right boob." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"