Thats Right Folks!! Another Rant!!

Discussion in 'Seasoned Tokers' started by namron_420s, Jul 26, 2002.

  1. man o man, where to start..well, i feel like this is a forced rant..oh shit, i like typing, typing is a repetitive motion repetitive motions are fun while high..not forced any more, my hands have taken over and i am crerocding everythought, i cannot hit the backsmace puttion, my hands have totally taken hover, i can do nothing, whatever hought comes in, my hands put down, fire is neat, i just smoked a j and set off some bottle rockets..yeah, its 12 30...and my parents are in bed, but so what...if they wake up, i was just setting off bottle rockets and smoking a cig...they know i smoke cigs..speakin of which i want one now, ive already had a dr pepper, now i want a cig..ok..gotta find them..gotta quit typing to find them..ok..breaking from keyboard..i dont know why i said all that, theya re on the compuer tesk fight nin front of me..lemme at elaast light it...OH MY GOD, trhat was the most fluid thing i have ever done in my entire life!!..i just let off the keybard grabbed a cig, flicked open the zippo, lit it..put the cig up to it, litt it inhaled and exhaled, and it all ran together so perfectly and fluidly..wow..the moon is quite full.AND THE FUCKING CIGARREETTE WASNT FUCKING LIT..THE ONE GREATEST THING IN MY LIFE IS NOW OVERSHADOWED BY INTENSE HIGH FUCK UPEDNESS!!..weed is my drug of choice because i cant drink...every single time i have ever been drunk i have thrown my guts up..EVERY SINGLE TIME...i have NEVER EVER THROWN UP FROM BEING STONED...not once, not ever...but one time i did throw up while i was high..that sucked..i ate a whole bag of popcorn and then walked 3 miles in 90 degree weather in humid mosquito infested south arkansas..yeah, down here we got big ol skeeters, water moccasins*sp?*, deer, raccoons, possums, turkeys, fucking everything.."the natural state"..hell yeah, i love arkansas...i live out in the middle of BFE so thats cool..nearest neighbors are half a mile away, ..thats cool though cuz the only people i have to worry aboiut cathing me are my folks..wow..i just noticed how if i wasnt all that worried about them catching me i wiould havent went outside to smoke and probably wouldnt have written this big long shittty ass rant with no humor on going outside and getting high, cuz then i proll;y would have stayed IM A BADGER FUCKER!!..I FUCK BADGERS..ALL DAY LONG..SURE I GROW HUNGRY, BUT I KEEP FUCKING BADGERS inside andFUCKING HELL I JUST DROPPED ASHES ALL OVER MY FUCKING BEAR CHEST..fucking hell ass shit fucking mother fucking blue junipers growing in sallies orange garden hole surrounded by small evergreen shrubs laced with trickles of morning dew collected on spider webs reflecting the sunlight thrown forth by the great massive star at the center of our solar system , to think that all we are is the third rotating sphere from the star in the middle of millions of millions of millions orange monkeys is some crazy shit to realize people..im telling you all this because i have cigarette smoke going directly up my nose everytime i breath and it takes a small ..i havent taken a hit off of this cig yet..and i just did..and it was fucking filter..i hate smoking filter..what if purple crocodiles came out of your nose..how would that feel..i bet that shit would hurt, but not more than getting tickled while you have to pee, but your eating a turkey sandwich and sneeze and a small piece of vinegar coveres salad come flying through the sensitive mucous membrane covered nasal passages surrounded my mediorites elusively crowding in on the fight as josh pummels fernado while in his head he trudges forth searching for the great hidden weed field of whatchamamahoohooville...my fly was down...brain freeze..no, im not eating ice cream, but my head stopped working for a second..ok..maybe not my best rant..but..by far the most acurate detailed look at the thoughts that go through my head during every high...its now 12 39 AND I DIDNT FUCKING WRITE DOWN THE TIME I STARTED AT..SON OF A FUCKING BITCH...fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk..HANK DAMNIT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU MONEY GRUBBING BASTARD...LICK MY BIG TOE..TWICE...you cow humper...HANK YOUR GOIN DOWN ON A CAMEL IN SIBERIA.....haha..made me think of the camel joke...

    this soldier is in afghanistan..and hes in the camp and kinda thinking about how his misses the chics back home..gettin kinda lonely and whatnot..so he goes up to his commanding officer and bashfully approaches and goes about asking the commander what guys did around there for a lil "fun"...the commanding officer tells him that there is a camel tied up to the broke down tank at the end of the row of tents and huts and whatnot..and that the soldier can use it if he needs to...well the soldier is kinda thrown off by this and says welll, thats a lil wierd and he'll have to think about it ...so the soldier is layin in his cot that night.and all is quiet and hes thinkin some more about his girl back home and how its been a while since hes gotten any...so he decides to use the camel, and tip toes out of the tent and down the old broke down tank..sneaks up behind the camel and starts TEARIN IT UP..i mean he is fucking this camel like crazy, the veins are standing out on this guys neck..he is WEARIN IT DOWN...much like the ice cream man..but anyway..he is fucking this camel like theres no tomorrow, well between him grunting and the camel grunting and mooing the commander decides to come and check on all the commotion..as he rounds the corner he sees this soldier fucking the hell out of the camel..and starts laughing his ass off and says soldier!!...SOLDIER!!..as the soldier turns around the commander chuckles and says damnit son, no, your supposed to ride the damn thing to the whore house in town!


    HAHAHHAHAHAHAA....FUUUUUUCCCCCKK IIIIIMMMMMMMMMM HIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHH AS A MOOOOOOOTHER FUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKERRRRRR!!!!!!....HAHAHA..THE GOURDS~GIN AND JUICE..HAHAHF COUNTRY VERSION HAHA..MOTHER FUCKING FUNNY AS HELL.....HAHAHAHAHHA....MUNCHIES..POSTING HERE, BE BACK LATER TO SURF THE CITY..LATER!!
     
  2. I splore what your spleening my fiend!..if the greatness of the bakedness weren't such a fakeness, that is likely described as a fishing man or woman hand on tomb and touching the womb of the crunchy tigers abroad like they saw god in a giant pea pod with a nod of their head they need their bed of thoughts and hay like grits and clay and meds of threads with thy heads of colors blue and red with the may of april and fall of summer and rise of rome all at fort sumter in one week of a hot pornstar with corn starch all over her porshe car...by far the mar mar at wong woos chinese bar is much harder than having to barter with a martyr named chris farley who will never be quite what he used to be because hes a skeletal bee of ashes and graves of bartenders and slaves not blacks or blues or japanese world war twos of the movies and blues of the greed and steed like a mapleberry weed, speaking of the need I toke up with speed wanting to heed that last bleed in myy heart for something like a need I tried ot take shots of vodka knowing I wasn't getting far but knowing that if I switched to labbat blue everything would be coo...I drink a 40, it was delitious..no it was the drug which made me stop rhyming and the drink loosened my heart's tie and tye dye I like my eyes to pry like the gods of the sky who watch us on our high and makes us uunderstand hes the guuywho will keep us in line for some time its fine to rhyme with a line and a line but not in a lime or lima bean will you find me mean or interesting in the thing which is clean yet me all me with thee in a tree, you and me will party with pee wee and then be in a rake with a wakeness of this bakedness with not such a fakeness or the greatness of dejavu in you I leave you now to think about the rhyme I tell to ponder in hell...with sploring of the spleening what my fiend namron was meaning....in time will it come, the true meaning...
     
  3. is it just me..or is the combination of these two rants much like that of the mating jackalope on the ides of march?
     



  4. It isn't just you!

    That combination of rants was indeed much like that of the mating jackalope on the ides of march.
     
  5. Your from Arkansas? Hell I didn't think they had electricity there yet, much less the internet.
     
  6. no no no, BPP we gotta pump that shit in from texas...hell...even the sunlight is a bit dim after we get it here..
     
  7. namron & NuBBiN


    You guys been chewing Morn Seeds by any chance?
    Arkansas?........ You wouldn't happen to know Bud and Duke,
    Used to know their daddy back in the 60's, he had a sour mash setup that put out some fair samples of 180 proof which were sampled in a fair sized area. Had this crop of weeds he used to break up (seeds and all) and use for liniment, said it cured everything from a broken leg to snake bite. I tried drinkin some and it made my vision a little cloudy. Anyway last I heard the boys had decided to cultivate the weeds and use em for Medical Purposes, strickly personal of course cause of the snakes. Scuse the ramblings of an old man but I've heard the Camel Story before only it was in Mexico and it was a donkey, still funny though.
    Crap lost what I was thinking about.


    Paul J Jamtgaard
     
  8. I SMELL A HANSON BROTHERS REUNION!!!!!!!!!
     
  9. whaaaat?!......dude...what have i told you about smokin without me hank!!
    ....
    nope, cant say that i now bud and duke...but thats a right fine story you told there..and i happen to not be a big fan of snakes maself..
     
  10. jeez
    reading your rant while high has warped my fragile little mind
    keep up the good work
     
  11. damn i need to stop reading this shit when i'm not high
     
  12. namron& NuBBiN

    Hanson brothers? Seems familiar, back in "81" I'm draped
    over the bar at The Blue Light Tavern suckin on a Budwieser
    when these three guys come in suffering from Long Trip Road
    Staggers and badly in need of a bit of Kooool refreshment,
    after they gets settled with a with a cool Bud and and
    a paper rolled Medicinal Herb we gets to jawing, seems two
    of these guys are brothers given the names out of Flyin
    and Windy (made me wonder cause this guy would hardly utter over two words in a row). Flyin starts tellin me this tale
    as to how he and his other two Brothers had been to a little
    gathering in Sturgis SD and had wound up in Des Moines Iowa and had to spend some time gathering their wits, figuring out where they were and how to get the hell out of there. Flyin went on to say that one brother by the name of Long Arm decided to go visit a friend in Canada, Windy was goin to Atlanta, the other brother by the name of Just Roy was
    going to see what was up in Austin and he (Flyin was going
    to Orting Washington). Anyway like most plans some things
    go awry And Flyins troubles just begun with a series of
    mishaps that whittled away his pocketbook makin him think
    he was goin to have to give up his third beer on his
    reststops and maybe even skip a couple of sightseein loops.
    Well seems he got just west of Twin Falls Idaho when he gets
    wind of of DEA lookout up ahead, so he hung a left and headed towards Salt Lake City where he wound up at The Office and proceeded to tell the Bartender his tale of woe, wherupon the Bartender made a couple of calls, took his package, gave him half his delivery fees and lined him up with a package to Albuqurque. Well seems the trip went without incident takin the route via Moab, Cortez and then South and East till he made it to The Little Place Beside The Road. Said first thing he saw whe walked in was Windy sittin at the bar. Well after some arrangements had been made he (Flyin) and Windy headed for Phoenix and made it to The Blue Light without much incidence (said they stuck to hard ridin cause of the flags posted aroundin various places about the DEA lookouts around cause of the recent rally at Sturgis). Flyin turned to Windy who had been sittin there suckin on his Budwieser and inhaling his Medicinal Herb (from time to time there was the strangest oder comin from around Windys direction and I figured I'd have to fix the plumbing again) and asked if he wanted to tell him howcome he didn't make
    it to Atlanta And Windy says "nope". Flyin says to me "Crap, I
    gotta make some calls.". So I told Deacon (the Bartender) to give him the keys to the box and he wandered off. So I turned to Windy and said "So you got two other brothers?" and Windy says "yep". So I turned to the other the other guy whos name was Little Doobie and jawed with him awhile and found him to be a bit strange (Deacon did a little checkin and put a yellow pin to hang his picture with two pinholes at the bottom right corner, Deacon alsohung Flyin And Windys pictures but he used green pins on them,laughin all the time he was hangin them, I asked him what was funny
    and he says "Paul, All things will be revealed to you someday.", damn Deacon was always an obscure type fellow). Well everybody partied for a few days and I handed out Bags of Medicinal seeds and they all went their ways. Come to think of it thats about thetime my Lady Plant got ripped up (Biggest seed yield I ever seen,but I ain't seen everything yet.).


    Paul J Jamtgaard
     
  13. ahh..weed does a body good...:D
     
  14. ..sure does :)


    *starts reading rant again
     
  15. wait..... paul..... I was very high when I just read your post.....and It never ocurred to me that this was a rant, and not a true story with a point...so i read it three times in a row..hell i almost got out a pen and paper to try and make notes so I could figure out what the hell you were talking about. But then i realized, "Hey NuBs...You could make rants twice as spicey as the next cajun rockstar." So then I turned to my mom who was reading over my shoulder in her undergarments like she always does late at night and I said to her "Mom, why dont the letters on my keyboard go in alphabetical order?" and she replied with a silly grin "Son, if the keys on the original typewriters were in alphabetical order, too many vowels would be located too close to each other which would jam the typewriting mechanism constantly, due to the fragile method used to make typewriters work, therefor the creator of this newfangled writing machine decided to space the vowels apart as much as possible (except for I O and U for obviouse reasons) and then based all other letters (mostly consonants) around those preset vowels. Hence when the computer was created, not wanting to confuse it's users, the creators based their keyboard lineup to be equal to that of the olden day typewriters!...." Being stoned, I obviousely turned back to the computer screen, embarrassed at the fact that my mother would always sass about like that infront of my cyber friends....or should I say fiends?..... Speaking of fiends, who decided to make that the opposite of friends?...why such similar words with such opposite meanings?...what next? Ketchup and ketchturd? or mustard and mustketch?.....I guess what im really trying to say here is that as a society wehave come too far in our advances in civilization, and we must find the nearest exit, pull off, maybe hit a diner for a boosting cup of coffee, then head back the opposite direction unntil we use fire for our main source of light instead of that bullshit "electricity"...tell me people..have YOU ever seen this electricity?.... sure,you've seen some blue lights sass about when you stick keys ini sockets, but, how do we know we're actually getting this matter which we pay for monthly called "electricity"?..... How do we know that lightbulbs actually give off light...?....what if they just sucked up darkness with a large vacuum?.....how do we know that we're talking to our friends and family on the phone?...we can't see them...how can we fully trust these little cordless boxes we put up to our ears can actually connect us with someone whos across the continent with their own cordless box up to their ear?..isn't that a little outrageous?...I feel that a more reasonable explanation is that thes boxes were built by the government to ap into our central nervous systems and allow us to psychically communicate with others who have been tapped into... Wouldn't being psychic explain things a lot better than just 'electiricity" and invisible waves and cordless boxes allowing convenient 20 cent phone calls every minute during the weekends and all that hocus pocus?.....well I dont want to bore you with silly theories of mine, so back to the alphabet....why is it called the alphabet?...why couldnt it be the betabet, or zetabet, or omegabet?..or what if all of these different bets truly exist, and each dimention is home to one of these bets..a layer containing one of these jewels of knowledge..this powerful common understanding of patterns created by these different dimentional bets used to tap in to other's thoughts,ideas,experiences etc.....tell me...how could you ever know about airplanes, if the aplhabet was never around when they were invented?....there would be no way to describe these things..let alone invent these flying machines in the first place, which would have taken exstensive knowledge in the field of aviation,which wouln't exist due to the innability to pass on important aviation informaton because no such thing as an alpha,beta,or zeta bet existed to transform thought to patterns on paper and then be recognized by another who in turn experienced this same thought from another thanks to this "middle man", this "translator" this "holder of knowledge"..... did you know that alexandria in egypt (named after alexander the great no doubt) was one of the epicenters of knowledge in the early centuries..this city (only one of several cities named alexandria by the famed conqueror) was one of the irst places to conatin a library...one of a kind prints, books, notes, writings existed in vast chambers of knowledge, our first libraries.....Once, during an attack from neighboring enemies, alexandria's library cought fire, destroying a large quantity of original and one of a kind text's....pushing world progress back by an aproximate millenium. imagine..if that libray hadn't burned down.......columbus would have been a space explorer most likely off discovering new planets instead instead of a sea fairing crusader who discovered the americas!.... what a tremendousely wonderful thought!...or it would be like computers being invented well around the roman empires reign....."Welcome CeaserPiMP69...You've got mail!"....we can only imagine what life would have been like if that one single chamber of maybe only 5,000 to 10,000 texts is what set the world back a whole millenia.....how entriguing!...... my my my!...look at the time!...I'll leave you with one last thought. What if time was never invented....not just that, the whole ability to understand,comprehend or even consider something so dimentional as time weren't to exist either. Where would we be?....could timie have been the leading factor in holding man back?..what if time were like newtons original theories?...and disproved later on int he futre like einstein did to newtons theories....what if there's something better than time.....what if it not only tells time, but allows man to experience time first hand...nobody seems to be able to experience time besides the simple weak sense of time....but what if we had tiemponauts...explorers of time...what if time were a whole seperatespacial plain than the one we our so used to in our universe..what if time is the gateway to the discovery of new dimentions...I say we embark on a crusade to copywrite time..then whenever someone ays what time it is we cna sue them..we'd be filthy rich..not billgates filthy rich..because thats impossible..but semi bill gates filthy rich....what if every italian who worked in the funiture, realestate, or insurance business relly wee a mobster?....what if all mobsters were really MoBStarZ...(the A in star is supposed to be a star)..then what would happen? would they do dances before they killed people?..would they dress up in bell bottoms, afros, and sparkling sunglasses complimented with 70's roller skates? Would they still be named guito?tony?windy?flyin? speakin of flyin...paul..I could have sworn your last post was truly a story..I still havent decided yet as to whether or not I want to go find a pen and paper and try to play detective and solve the mystery of your post. Maybe Ill drink alcohol and things will become clear....if only time werent holding me back from exploring your post from a closer point of view....oh well....christmas is near...farewell
     
  16. qwerty


    i too read it 8 times trying to figure it out....excellent rant my friend..EXCELLENT!!
     
  17. namron & NuBBiN

    Talk about backin your dump truck up to the coal chute.
    Lotta info to decipher (you should be ashamed of
    yourself for forcing an old man to use his grey cells
    in such a strenuous manner). Lets see... Alphabet,
    the first two letters of the Greek alphabet are Alpha
    and Beta. We use a lot of Old Greek words as roots in
    the English Language adding Roman words as roots with
    a smattering of Germanic, Celtic, Saxon and so on.
    Spanish and French or what they consider Romance
    Languages are rooted the same way but stress
    pronuciation is applied differantly (this is just
    general of course and with a little thought on your
    part you could could come up with some questions that
    can be answered to a certain extent in books dealing
    with history of the English Language). Applying the
    alphabet to the keyboard (I think your Mom is right
    about the fact of keyboard jamming because of the
    vowels scattered all over the keyboard in squential
    alpabetical order and with most English words
    begining with or having the second letter as a vowel..
    ..). Anyway I got to lookin at it and counted ten keys
    at the top row, nine keys in the second row and seven
    keys in the third row with five vowels in the top row
    E, Y, U, I, O and A as the first letter in the second
    row with constanants that are most used arranged in
    the order most convienient to reach. I then made a
    keyboard in sequential on a piece of paper and reached
    the conclusion that a touch typist would spell my name
    Jkgs. Arranged some other orders on a piece of paper
    and piddled around with them for awhile.....intresting.
    There is Book called "The Code Breakers" If you're
    intrested in that sort of stuff (big book, I check it
    out of the library every once in awhile).
    As to electricity, time, space and alternate
    dimensions your guess is as good as mine cause I
    thought I've seen some pretty strange things in altered
    states of mind or for that matter in unaltered states of
    mind, so what the hell, I just lay back, take it all in then
    smoke a reasonable quantity of pot and enjoy the replay.
    As to my story it does contain a Rant which is about my Plant gettin Ripped Off (which I'll probably bitch about that till
    the I die and I'll still be mad about it and come back
    lookin for it) and losing that strain of Quality seeds.
    You gotta think underground, motorcycles and trustworthy
    couriers when your readin the story. By the way Flyin and
    Windys last name was Hanson.

    Paul J Jamtgaard
     
  18. this deserves alot more than heh but im not high enough to rant.

    These my friends are the posts that made Seasoned Tokers , well, Seasoned Tokers. Read and learn from it. Study it. become one with it. beaver lick for life
     

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