Tard Blog-FUNNY!!!!!

such an incredibly hillarious blog. i just read every single entry. very well written too.

 

I think i've found my true calling in life. Think of being a sped teacher while you're stoned.



This is the best one so far:


This morning went rather well in class. It is funny how the kids calm down and are rather tired on days that it is raining. Maybe because it seems dark outside and they think they should still be asleep. Not a lot happened during morning math, reading and coloring. The highlight of the morning was Sara nibbling a little on her crayon. However, when lunch came around the kids started to perk up.


Usually my assistant sits with the kids at lunch and I get a break, but she was out today. They were all excited to go to the lunchroom since it was a Thursday. Thursdays in our school is chocolate milk day, and they all get two small cartons of it with their lunch.


I had them all seated and I was helping them get situated when I noticed Misty standing up on her chair. She had been ranting about something she'd seen on Xena all morning. (Her parents bought her the first 2 seasons on DVD). She was holding the circular lid to her Tupperware in her hands and was telling Anni that it is her “Chakram” just like Xena's (I looked it up--it's some weapon Xena used).


All of a sudden she let's out this warrior-like scream,


“Ah la la la la la la la la!”


I see Misty whip the lid as hard as she could. It flew, quite well I must say, across the room and nailed Steve in the forehead.


Steve sat for a second, and then summoned all his energy and let out a piercing wail. He let it out with so much force over a span of three minutes that he ended up crapping his pants.


I had to take him to the office to call his parents and explain what a red welt was doing on his forehead.


When I asked Misty about why she threw her Tupperware top at Steve she simply replied, “Steve is the enemy.”

 

BUMP!!!

omg this is hilarious and I myself can not stop laughing at these stories.

 

hahaha thats some funny shit,dam belly hurts from laughin ... we need more funny stories in this place ..

 

oh no, i have so much to do today and i've been sucked into reading this!

 

hehehe some of the hate mail on the site made me piss myself lol

 

- I am reading "Red Racer" to the kids. It is about a girl who tries to ruin her bike so her parents will buy her a new one. One page describes the sound as her bike goes over a cliff like this "bong, bong, bong." Ivan raised his hand and said his dad has a bong

LMAO!

 

42: Tyler's nose candy:


When Tyler arrives at school today, he is very excited about that snack that he brought. He kept asking me if he could tell me something. I respond with the usual "Does it have to do with the work we are doing right now?" He answers with the usual "No," and we proceed with the days lesson.


Snack time rolls around, the kids who brought their snack get it out of their backpack. I hand out goldfish crackers to the rest. My phone then rings, it is our speech-language pathologist, and it is regarding some important shit. I am on the phone with her for one and a half minutes. I then hang up the phone, and turn back to the tards.


I can't believe what I see: Tyler is snorting Pixie Stick sugar.

I run over to him and snatch the pixie stick from his hand. He says "Hey, what do you think you are doing??" I told him we do not out things in our nose.

He said "I tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't let me."

I ask him what he had wanted to tell me. He says, "My dad always snorts stuff, he calls it nose candy. Before he went to jail, he gave me a bunch of my own nose candies, and told me I was allowed to have them at school."

 

LMao...I sometimes work with retarded...damn sometimes that's funny as hell...got loads of stories...ours are a bit more on the agressive side, but nonetheless funny as hell...I'll give you some stories from the top of me head...

Me mate was in the kitchen, making pancakes. The one retard me mate was looking after that day saw that and then disappeared. Nothing wrong there, but when me mate went down to the guy's apartment, he had tried to make pancakes himself. Now he had seen you gotta use eggs, milk and flour, so he cracked open some eggs, half the shell was in the bowl and half the egg was on the flor. Milk was spilt i huge masses and the rest of the room was white from flour. The stove was glowing red hot, with no frying pan on it haha...took at least an hour to clean up...

I went to a shop with the same guy. And he's auto agressive, i.e. when he gets frustrated, he bites his hand...or slams his head into the wall...when we got to the shop, the table I wanted to buy was gone...so he asked me. "Are you sad now? Angry? Well you oughta bite your hand..."

Another guy came into the kitchen to get some soup, so I told him not to fill the bowl to the rim, or it will be difficult to carry. He didn't care...filled it up and realized he couldn't carry it...now you gotta know this guy gets raving mad when any food is spilled. He tries to give the bowl to me, but I refused...he gotta take care of his own shit...he walks a few feet and...spills some soup. Now you gotta imagine a guy the size of Henry Rollins mad as fuck, ready to tear the kitchen apart, but he can't, because he's got a bowl of soup in his hands he can't put anywhere...

When he came back for second helpings, what do you think happened? Same shit all over again lol

 

lmfao i just see a big giant retard upset that he has too much soup

god damn im high and that was hilarious

 

not cool

 

How so?

 

there is a difference between describing your experiences working with these people, and full on laughing at them. notice how the author of those tard blogs calls them by their names?
i did not expect someone who works with these people to describe them the way you did, i found it pretty disrespectful.

if he was black it would have been the same as calling him a n**er
if he was hispanic it would have been the same has calling him a spic

 

I'm not allowed to tell their names, I'd break the law...I can't tell you their specific diagnosis, either.

Where I come from we call a shovel a shovel, not a "digging device"

A mentally retarded person is a retarded person. Not special. The word retarded is not negative in any way. Nigger is. As is spic.

We don't call'em domestically challenged, we call'em homeless.

You wanna communicate with people, you gotta look beyond the words they say.

If you knew anything about me and this retard, you'd know we're quite fond of each other. We've been on holiday together 4 times. I'm one of maybe 20 people in this world who can go to a cafe with him without him beating up other people...

But if it helps you, I'll call him psykisk utviklingshemmet from now on. Which is the correct term we use her in Norway (it means mentally retarded).

Christ...my bet is you're not 18...because most grown ups I know can see beyond that


Btw...did you notice the title of this thread...it says "tard"...you wanna have a run on that, too? Ooops, you actually said "tard", yourself...

 

i just think calling him 'the retard' is a bit harsh, and unless you have actually disclosed specifically where you work and/or post from work you wouldn't have much to worry about by calling him by his first name.

that's great that you have a good relationship with him. i fail to see how my age has anything to do with my initial comment, and the comment about grown ups being able to see beyond that is lame as i'm in my late 20s.
now that you have explained your situation a little bit better i can see that you clearly didn't mean for it to sound degrading, so don't get your panties in a bunch, yeah?

 

Haha well done...just turn it around and call me uptight when you are the one who overreacted...

I'll give you a wedgie

 

i agree fully with skinner.I dont find it wrong calling a mentally RETARDED person, retarded, or a retard. Its not like its not true..






funny ass shit tho..lol K+

 

i know someone who works at protecting the rights of mentally handicapped people and i know that calling them 'retards' does not fly too well with her at all.

 

technically, i already have one since i'm wearing a g-string