I just found something i wrote on my laptop when i was really high about a week ago. I went back and fixed some grammatical errors so it would be easier to read. i haven't really read it over so sorry if it makes little sense. I just also want to mention the songs i were listening to were two amazing songs. Your Hand In Mine and A Poor Man's Memory, both by Explosions In The Sky. i highly suggest you listen to them especially when blazed. I honestly don't really remember everything i put in this. it was just one of those moments where your mind explodes and you need to write everything down because you don't wanna forget it. Please don't comment if you're going to be negative because the main reason i'm posting this is to show how marijuana has helped me realize things about myself and i thought i'd share it with you guys. well anyways, here it is: Listening to your hand in mine and a poor mans memory. I realized something about life. You can focus on whatever you want. The choice is yours. You prioritize your life. And you decided what you what. So when you look for excuses out of thing. You're just letting this distract you. You can block them out if you really try. But for most, they get wrapped up in them because it's just so easy to look away from what you really desire. But the truth about what you really desire, it takes time, and work to get there. You might not think so, but over time you gotta rise up and prove yourself and make yourself worthy to get it. So you look whats the next best thing. And that's the easy way you it's like a drug. Every time you look at the work for what you want most compared to anything below, and you just give in. over time yogurt more and more comfortable with giving up, that it seems you can never achieve your goal. You were distracted. You gotta know what you want and go for it. Or just live your entire life average. Never stepping to the edge to look and see whats down. Everybody ha an equal chance inside them. Some just get an advantage. One person may have to work a lot harder than another to get somewhere, but if they really try they still can get there. And you can always get back up. Get back up till you can't anymore. Till you literally have nothing left. Cause otherwise you're always gonna be look back in regret. You know what. If you give it everything you have. Than even if you fail, you shouldn't be disappointed. I'll tell you a story. Biggest football game of the year. Another captain gets hurt and I'm the main running back and line backer left. Also captain and leader of this team. Now I'm not trying to brag, but I'm trying to put you in my situation. I'm trying to help you see. So I play my heart out every play. I'm going all out. Sweating bleeding panting. I would not give up. Some kids on the team couldn't of given a shit and would always miss their block cause they're lazy. You know what happens when they're lazy? I pay for it. I get clocked. I take the heat for it all. Even at line backer when the d line doesn't get in the linemen come and attack us but we still are supposed to kill the running back no matter what. We're supposed to be able to shred every block thrown at us. So near the end of the game, everyone is given up. We were down by 20, and the coaches were putting the second stringers in. but they looked at me and left me in. not because I'm good. I'm not bragging like that. Yet because they knew I wouldn't let them take me out. I was going to give it my all till the very last second. I wouldn't let them do it. I wanted it more than anyone. And they let me. Because I put my last drops of effort into every play. And I needed to go to the last. The clock hits zero. I take a knee in my place while the other team erupts around me. I'm at center field. 50-yard line. I look at the ground and my eyes water up. I wanted this win so bad. It was the most important game of my life so far. I didn't wanna give it to the other team. It was what I worked for hard every day and hour minute and second of practice. Others game to get me up to get in the line to shake hands. I didn't want too. They said things to try and cheer me up. One teammate said that's what you get for trying. I looked at him. And saw him as one who blamed it on everyone else. At the linemen and others that he gets tackled. I take a final kneel around my coach. I see others crying. Something starting off into spaces. Everyone's head down. And I realized. I raised my head high. Because I gave it my all. Every single play. There wasn't one more thing I could of done to try harder. I had no regrets. That's when you just know, that team is just really good and there is nothing you can do. But if you don't give it your all, you're going to look back every day and think about what if because you could have done better if you just tried a little bit harder. So just give it your all. Even if it's a little bit hard, every day after you'll look back and just know you tried as hard as you could. You can look ahead into the future. It makes you a better person as a whole. I've realized my life. At first I was scared to see. But now I know happiness is whatever I want it to be. It's whatever I want to choose to care about. I have the ability, but the distractions come back. If I fight it off hard, bad memories and decisions don't have to be in my head. Once you realize what really matter you can be as happy as you want to be. Some things that really upset you think about them like this: whatever the problem is look at it and decide why. Cause than look at this you decide how important it is. Just cause society brainwashes everyone into thinking it's in one exact way. Just say fuck that. You make it whatever you want. Life's short, what if you die tomorrow. All in all I'm just trying to say you can choose what to believe. I mean if something makes someone else sad does it have to make you sad. What if you have something else more important to worry about? Cause you know it's still gonna be there for you. I'm so fucked right now it's unbelievable. I just need to vent. It's so hard to type; so sorry I didn't really elaborate hahahahaha so this makes no sense. But final statement? Fuck bitches get money. /done